FertileThoughts.com - Infertility, adoption, pregnancy and parenting discussions

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Caroline4
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / Like

    Question don’t know what to do! need your help(

    Girls, really don’t know what to do! My husband and I have got married 4 year ago. All this time we’ve been trying to conceive a baby, but unsuccessfully. And actually I knew the reason why. When I was 17 I had an abortion. I had never told about it neither my parents nor friends. And I was so scared to tell about this to my husband! I thought he won’t understand and he’ll leave me. And I would never tell about it to my parents.They are very strict and spiritual people. Everyday I heard “We want grandchildren!”, “Why don't you still have kids?”, “Don’t you want to become a mother?” Of course I wanted! I’ve been thinking about it every second of mylife and still do! One day I plucked up all my courage and told everything to my husband. His reaction really surprised me! He actually supported me and he didn't understand why I was so afraid to tell him earlier. We decided to tell my parents about the reason of my infertility. But their reaction surprised me even more... They never talked to me after I confessed. Their words had almost broken me down. Thanks to my husband, I gathered my spirits and we started to thinks about solutions. We want to have kids no matter what! Firs we tried IVF.We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. Each failure was unbearable. Each following cycle was like a knife in the heart. I blame myself and I understand that all this is only my fault. This feelings are tearing me apart! I just don’t know what to do and where to go... I want to stop this depression, want to start living, want to have a happy family and the most important – want to have children! We think about surrogacy. But where should we start our search?And also IVF procedures pulled a lot of money from us, so maybe you know clinics with affordable prices? I see here a lot of girls, who had surrogacy in Ukraine. What services and prices are there? Thank you for any info in advance!


  2. Advertisement


  3. #2
    SC-Kelley M.
    has no status.
    Administrator

    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    225
    Post Thanks / Like
    Hi Caroline 4,

    First of all, your fertility struggles are not your fault. It is highly unlikely your abortion caused this. Yes, you may have gotten easily pregnant years ago, but so many, many things effect our fertility. It is not uncommon to conceive your first child easily and then struggle to add siblings to your family. Has your husband been evaluated for Male Factor Infertility? Did you do any genetic testing on your embryos prior to transfer?

    I'm so sorry you are struggling right now, I can feel the burden in your story. I highly recommend seeking out a mental health counselor, someone with whom you can talk about all this in a safe and supportive way. I want to point out, that even if you tried counseling previously and it didn't work, or you started therapy and it doesn't feel quite right - the relationship and trust you have with your therapist is paramount to therapy being helpful. Do not be afraid to try out a few different therapists before deciding which one is best for you.

    As for the cost of surrogacy, it can be quite expensive. Do you have any frozen embryos left you can use? You'll also want to make sure you have a good lawyer when writing up your agreement with the surrogate. Some surrogacy agencies offer in-house legal counsel. That, too, will affect your costs. You'll need to think about if you live in a surrogacy friendly state.

    You may have find this website helpful: Surrogacy - RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

    I know this is hard and scary, but please know you are not alone (even though it can feel like it).
    ~Kelley
    Likes Caroline4 liked this post


  4. #3
    Dee.R
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    37
    Post Thanks / Like
    Hello Caroline! I'm sorry to hear about your parents. It's very important to have support of family in such situation. But you have very good husband! I also underwent surrogacy. I've chosen Ukrainian clinic. Speaking about prices,we chose standard package. The clinic provided us with accommodation, food,taxi and smartphones to ease our communication in Ukraine. Also we had a manager, who translated for us and answered our questions. Oh and we were met in the airport by the representative of the clinic! We paid 39 900 euros for all services. Starting from meeting in the airport and finishing with fertilization and transfer of embryos. They have fixed price for package, we liked it. We didn't pay extra money. We think to go to Ukraine in autumn for our second child. But this time we'll choose VIP package.
    Likes Caroline4 liked this post


  5. #4
    Caroline4
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by SC-Kelley M. View Post
    Hi Caroline 4,

    First of all, your fertility struggles are not your fault. It is highly unlikely your abortion caused this. Yes, you may have gotten easily pregnant years ago, but so many, many things effect our fertility. It is not uncommon to conceive your first child easily and then struggle to add siblings to your family. Has your husband been evaluated for Male Factor Infertility? Did you do any genetic testing on your embryos prior to transfer?

    I'm so sorry you are struggling right now, I can feel the burden in your story. I highly recommend seeking out a mental health counselor, someone with whom you can talk about all this in a safe and supportive way. I want to point out, that even if you tried counseling previously and it didn't work, or you started therapy and it doesn't feel quite right - the relationship and trust you have with your therapist is paramount to therapy being helpful. Do not be afraid to try out a few different therapists before deciding which one is best for you.

    As for the cost of surrogacy, it can be quite expensive. Do you have any frozen embryos left you can use? You'll also want to make sure you have a good lawyer when writing up your agreement with the surrogate. Some surrogacy agencies offer in-house legal counsel. That, too, will affect your costs. You'll need to think about if you live in a surrogacy friendly state.

    You may have find this website helpful: Surrogacy - RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

    I know this is hard and scary, but please know you are not alone (even though it can feel like it).
    ~Kelley
    I appreciate your help and support! I really need this. Both my husband and I made all possible tests and not once. He's absolutely healthy. I've been thinking about visiting therapist! I had some doubts, that I'm probably just exaggerating my problems and visiting of therapist in my case is stupid. But when you told about this I think I should consider this option. Maybe it will help me to sort out my emotions. Thank you so much for your advices on surrogacy process! I'm new to this and info you gave me is really helpful!


  6. #5
    Caroline4
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by Dee.R View Post
    Hello Caroline! I'm sorry to hear about your parents. It's very important to have support of family in such situation. But you have very good husband! I also underwent surrogacy. I've chosen Ukrainian clinic. Speaking about prices,we chose standard package. The clinic provided us with accommodation, food,taxi and smartphones to ease our communication in Ukraine. Also we had a manager, who translated for us and answered our questions. Oh and we were met in the airport by the representative of the clinic! We paid 39 900 euros for all services. Starting from meeting in the airport and finishing with fertilization and transfer of embryos. They have fixed price for package, we liked it. We didn't pay extra money. We think to go to Ukraine in autumn for our second child. But this time we'll choose VIP package.
    Dee.R, thank you for support and info. May I ask which clinic did you choose? Is there a possibility to pay in parts? I'm not sure we'll have almost €40 000 to pay at once. And I'm little bit afraid to give all money right away... How much does this VIP package cost? What's the difference? Do they have other packages? Sorry, so many questions. Hope for your help!


  7. #6
    Dee.R
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    37
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by Caroline4 View Post
    Dee.R, thank you for support and info. May I ask which clinic did you choose? Is there a possibility to pay in parts? I'm not sure we'll have almost €40 000 to pay at once. And I'm little bit afraid to give all money right away... How much does this VIP package cost? What's the difference? Do they have other packages? Sorry, so many questions. Hope for your help!
    You're welcome dear! We had surrogacy in biotexcom. I completely understand you! We also didn't have all sum to pay right away. The payment was divided into 5 rates. We paid 8000 euros during the first visit. Then we paid 7900 euros during our second visit. Third payment 8000 euros was paid on twelve weeks of the gestation of the surrogate mother. 8000 euros we paid after the birth of the child. And the last 5th payment 8000 euros we paid after receiving of the child’s birth certificate and passport for a child to leave the country.The clinic also has economy package for 29 900 euros and VIP package for 49 900 euros. My husband and I compared standard and VIP. You can also look for all services by yourself on their website and choose the package, which suits youthe most. It seemed to us VIP is more convenient. Needed blood tests are performed by the coming nurse domiciliary. We won't have to stay in lines and wait. Last time we were exhausted. There were a lot of people and we were waiting with hungry stomachs for a couple of hours(because you should eat nothing before blood tests). Also the clinic provides all stuff for new born baby. Last time we carried all things with us. And there were so many suitcases and bags, so it will be more comfortable to have it already in Ukraine. Also parents are provided with the 24/7 phone consultation of a leading English-speaking pediatrician. If needed the leading pediatrician visits a baby upon request. We were so nervous and we didn't know what to do. Our son was crying and we didn't want to hurt him and do something wrong. So this service is very important in such situation! Also there is such service in VIP package as babysitter from 9 AM till 6 PM. In standard package, babysitter comes for only 4 hours/day. We needed to do all arrangements with documents,payments, tickets and so on, so 4 hours was not enough for us. And also the clinic finds surrogate mother, who has already had a positive surrogacy experience. All these services made us to choose VIP package this time.


  8. #7
    Caroline4
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / Like
    Sounds good!I've read about their packages on the website. Their prices arepretty low for such services. Especially if to compare with other clinics. I'm not exactly sure, which package tochoose. I will discuss services and all you've told me with my husband. May Iask you how much time did it take for the clinic to find surrogate mother foryou? Did they give you an opportunity tochoose her by yourself? I'm not sure how all this process is established. I'mready to wait for some time. But I want to know that the clinic doesn'tprotract with search when they get money. I understand that it's not easy tofind surrogate mother in a couple of days. I just don't want to wait for yearsand waste more time. Btw where did your sm live during the procedure? Did shelive with you or in the clinic? I guess that somebody should control surrogatemother. I want to be sure that she live healthy life, no alcohol and smoking.


  9. #8
    LastAcorn99
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like
    I’m so sorry to learn about your struggles, Caroline4. That said, I’m happy to know that you have an understanding husband. I strongly feel it will be helpful for you to see a counselor who can assist you in overcoming your past hurts before you venture into the possibility of surrogacy. Sending you hugs and prayers.
    Likes Caroline4 liked this post


  10. #9
    Dee.R
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    37
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by Caroline4 View Post
    Sounds good!I've read about their packages on the website. Their prices arepretty low for such services. Especially if to compare with other clinics. I'm not exactly sure, which package tochoose. I will discuss services and all you've told me with my husband. May Iask you how much time did it take for the clinic to find surrogate mother foryou? Did they give you an opportunity tochoose her by yourself? I'm not sure how all this process is established. I'mready to wait for some time. But I want to know that the clinic doesn'tprotract with search when they get money. I understand that it's not easy tofind surrogate mother in a couple of days. I just don't want to wait for yearsand waste more time. Btw where did your sm live during the procedure? Did shelive with you or in the clinic? I guess that somebody should control surrogatemother. I want to be sure that she live healthy life, no alcohol and smoking.
    The clinic found SM for us in 2 months. We actually thought it will take longer. So it was real surprise! Clients cannot choose a surrogate mother. Her appearance is not important here. Only her health and ability to bear a child matter. That's why the doctor chooses SM. But don't worry, the clinic select SM very carefully. The clinic provided us with all info about SM and our son at least once per month. So we were completely informed! It is hard to be far away from your child and the clinic did everything for us to be sure that our child is safe. The clinic provided us with all details about our son's condition very often. Furthermore we were coming at ultrasound checks. As for our SM's place of living during the program, she lived with her family. All of surrogate mothers have their own kids and it would be cruel to take them away from their relatives. I think it is better for them to live in familiar environment. In such way they feel themselves comfortable and don't worry about their loved ones. The fewer their worries are, the better for our child.


  11. #10
    Caroline4
    has no status.
    Registered User

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    16
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by LastAcorn99 View Post
    I’m so sorry to learn about your struggles, Caroline4. That said, I’m happy to know that you have an understanding husband. I strongly feel it will be helpful for you to see a counselor who can assist you in overcoming your past hurts before you venture into the possibility of surrogacy. Sending you hugs and prayers.
    Oh honey, I appreciate your support! Thank you for your kind words. I'm grateful my dh is so supportive. But sometimes I need to talk with girls. You know, only woman can understand these feelings. I'm glad I came here. I really needed to share my feelings. Load off my mind! Thank you!


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Need your help...what to charge for childcare
    By TamiK in forum Playgroups for the Year 2004
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-09-2008, 09:24 PM
  2. I dont know what this test means...I need advice.
    By wendyengel in forum Genetic Issues
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-02-2006, 04:21 PM
  3. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-20-2006, 09:34 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DISCLAIMER: Fertile Thoughts allows advertisers to publish information about their services. Fertile Thoughts does not provide medical advice or endorse any particular service or approach to treating infertility. We encourage people to learn as much as possible about the range of options available before committing to any one. We also encourage users to share their thoughts on all fertility options on our forums.

Forum Stats

  • Forum Members: 97,641
  • Total Threads: 352,327
  • Total Posts: 4,534,819
There are 806 users currently browsing forums.

Advertisement

Visit Our Partner Sites: Fertility Treatments