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Loss of father

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  1. #1
    cag4nyg
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    Loss of father

    Hello everyone,

    I dont know where to start. I lost my dad monday morning. It was an unexpectied for the whole family. He had surgery back in jan for a conpressed spinal cord, he then recovered and went to a rehab center and was learning to walk again and was doing great! On monday Feb 5th durning PT at the rehab place he started acting wierd and was talking about streaks in his right vision. They took him to the ER and he had a stroke. The admitted him and moved him up stairs, they started running a lot of test and found that everything looked ok, then then did more test because his fevoer kept spiking and his O2 level was not high enough. THey found blood clots all over his body. They moved him into the ICU because he started bleeding though his stools then while in ICU he started vomiting blood. The GI dr game in a proformed a GI Scope and found a Large ulcer in his tummy that way bleeding. He fixed that and said if he did not bleed in the next 48 hours it would heal it self. The next morning he started bleading again, they forgot that they had put him on the blood thiners for the clots. THey tried to preform the same procedure again and it did not work on ly this time they had to intabate him. WHen that procudure did not work i agreeded the surgen to take him in fix the ulcer and over sew it. They did and the ulcer was fixing itsself. However he was not coming out of the sedation medication even though they cut it off he was nat responding. They sent him for another CT scan on Feb 14th and i got the results on the 15th, that he had suffered another stroke, only this time it was massive, his whole right side of his brain was swollen and there were also signs of stroke on the left side of his brain as well, so the dr.s told be he was basicly braindead. I took him off the resprator machine saterday afternoon around 3:30 pm and they moved him to a privte room so that family could vist until he passed. I took my daughter in on Sunday late afternoon ( she is his only grandchild) so she could say bye and she gave him a kiss and we told her papa was sleeping for a long time. The next morning at 6:30am i got the call from the hospital that he had passed arounf 4:30 or 5:30 am.

    i dont know what to do next. I have started to arrange his service with the furneral home and the national cemertery (he served in the Navy when he was younger).

    He was only 52 years old and full of life, he was my life, i was a daddys girl always had been. I am only 26 years old and i have an almost 2 year old daughter that was his pride and joy, she spent all the time with papa. He was ou babysitter when ever we went out or wanted to go away for the weekend, or when i was working full time he watcher her for us.

    It really has not hit me that he is gone for good, but i know it will soon and i am not sure i will know how to deal with it. I have my partner of 5 years to turn to, she feels as she has lost a father too, as he was more of a father to her then her own.

    I am just lost.

    Heather

    DP - JoAnn
    DD - BrookeLyn (2 in April)
    Heather

    BrookeLyn ( 4 1/2)
    Devin (2 1/2)


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  3. #2
    wintak
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    OH Heather...I'm so so so sorry for you loss. I know firsthand how hard this can be. I lost my father 6 1/2 years ago...and it's still hard.

    Words will not help. You'll be numb for awhile. Especially since it was SO unexpected. I'm so sorry.

    One day at a time. That's about all you can do.

    Is your mom alive and around? Are you her support, too?

    Any sisters or brothers that can help?

    Amy


  4. #3
    cag4nyg
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    My mom moved to IL to be with her new boyfriend, which i think here shortly now that my dad has passed she is going to marry the guy, asap. My ittle sister which is 12, lives with my mom and is not my fathers. I also have a little brother that is 11 and not my fathers. So i am his only child and really dont have anyone to turn to. Also now it looks like i am going to have to keep an eye on my grandmother as well, my dad lived with her. I just think i am took young to have to be this responisible yet, i know i am responsible but did not want to have to take care of family just yet. I knew that in about 10-20 year i would have to take care of my dad or watch him pass then, but not now.

    Heather
    Heather

    BrookeLyn ( 4 1/2)
    Devin (2 1/2)


  5. #4
    wintak
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    Heather...

    I SOOOoo can relate. I am an only child, kind of like you are. And yes, you ARE young and yes you DO have your own family to take care of. HUGE BUMMER.

    I had to shoulder my MOM and her grief, and now HER mom (my gma). It sucks being an only child sometimes. This is one of those times.

    Being that this was kind of a surprise for you and your family, I don't suppose you and your dad ever talked about "the end".? Once my dad passed we made sure we had arrangements out in the open for "the end" once gma or my mom passed.

    52 years old....and full of life. TRY and remember the good times. Everyone told me that, too. And frankly, right now it's hard for you to remember ANY times, most likely.

    Cry.
    Cry some more
    And then cry more

    Get mad

    I'm sure your DP will be a great aid....I know mine was. A solid shoulder even though she was grieving, too. She really liked my dad.

    If you want to email me, please do. At this point in your life you need all the support you can get!

    Amy


  6. #5
    Ellie Mae
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    I don't have anything to offer except for a hug. I am so sorry.


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  7. #6
    jillgalindo
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    Heather I am totally barging...

    I am so sorry for your lose I am so incredibly sorry 52 is way to young

    My dad had heart failure last week and this week he has had 4 strokes. Your story hits close to home as I am terribly scared to lose my dad.

    I just wanted to send you hugs
    me 33 mommy to Zoey 4 years old
    TTC #1 02/01
    It's a girl Zoey Lee-Ann born 12/13/05 1:29am 6lbs8ozs


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    Didi1
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    Heather,
    I wanted to send condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. I also am dealing with the loss of a parent. My Dad is in Hospice care and recently he has taken a turn for the worse. It's such a loss and so hard when you know that it also affects your child. I will send healing and peaceful thoughts your way...
    Hang in there!
    Didi


  9. #8
    wintak
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    Didi...sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was in hospice and it was a godsend! It was so helpful to have all those resources at our fingertips. And now my nana is in hospice and again, it's nice to know there is so much help at this time.

    Amy


  10. #9
    Didi1
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    In many ways I am very lucky. My Dad divorced my mom when I was young and married a much younger, very devoted woman. So he is well cared for. He has been ill for a long time and is really just barely alive physically and not at all mentally. He has not been able to talk for years and barely recognizes us. We are prepared for him to leave, in fact it will be something of a relief. Still I miss the father that he was, I miss him being a grandfather to my son (he loves his grandpa even if he can't talk, it's so sweet). I so understand the shock and loss that Heather is feeling. These are the times when getting older so sucks. I have lost many friends over the years (from AIDs and Cancer), but it is so different to lose a parent. You just come to think that they will be there forever....but we are so lucky to have our children to continue to give purpose and meaning to our lives!

    Didi


  11. #10
    Minxy3
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    I lost my Dad about 6 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I'm so sorry you're going through this alone. Maybe the funeral home or a pastor could help you find your way through this?

    Hugs,
    Susan


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