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getting married..

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  1. #1
    Frieda
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    getting married..

    ..well, it seems like everyone but us. DP and I have been together for 16+ years and we are the only GLBT couple we know who has not had a private or public commitment ceremony or marriage. A few of you mentioned that you have married as well.
    Since there are currently no federal rights attached to our marriages (in US) we have not been that interested. Are we missing out? Has been getting married made you feel different or more committed in your relationship?
    Just wondering
    frieda


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  3. #2
    Climbinchic
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    Personally (as in - I think this will be a drastically different answer for each person) - I am not much of a romantic. We got married because we're having a baby and it protects our family. We never had a commitment ceremony before that.

    I think as lesbian couples we have spent so many years legitimizing ourselves and our relationships - that we live out our commitment each day even more than a heterosexual couple (given their inherent social support) and for me - its the day to day that means the most to me.

    I know lots of couples who have had commitment ceremonies who found it meaningful to speak their commitment out loud - lay it on the line as it were. Asking their friends and family to witness their commitment to each other was very important.

    So - do I feel any differently being married? (And we're Canadian - so we're legally married - despite the recent efforts of our PM!) I do in that I am not constantly trying to cover our butts legally, worrying about the safety of our family should something happen to one of us, etc. Mostly - I just feel a sense of calm from that - which would make me make the same decision in a heartbeat. So - the short answer is "yes" but I don't feel differently about my partner or our commitment to each other and our child.

    Sorry. Long winded answer!


  4. #3
    wintak
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    We are not married (obviously, being in the U.S.) and I would not have a commitment ceremony. Mainly for selfish reasons...I don't know many people who would come, we have already been together for 17 years so why now?

    Also, if we moved to where it IS legal I wouldn't do it anyway...I don't see where it gets me anything...or US anything.

    Yes, I might be able to protect my family more but right now no one questions anything in our family...no one has an issue with DS having 2 moms etc.

    But until I can file my TAXES as a married couple, I really see no reason.

    That's MY answer, in a nutshell

    AMy


  5. #4
    AmyP
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    Dp and I are legally married - in Massachusetts - I think for me it was having a baby that made us a forever committed couple - the wedding felt more like we did it 'cause we could.
    Amy

    Mom to Mia
    born Guatemala 4/2/2000
    home to Boston 7/5/2001


  6. #5
    kazzil
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    We're not married and we haven't had a commitment ceremony - neither are recognized so neither appealed to us (although we did investigate getting married in the USA/Canada earlier in the year). However, when we were getting our Will done last year, our lawyer ensouraged us sign a 'Declaration of Relationship'. This allows us to be recognised under some laws here. I guess this will have to do for now until we get a Prime Minister who is less discriminatory!
    Kaz
    After 6 failed IUI cycles, we moved on to IVF and got our first BFP!
    Our twins were born 06/06/07 at 37.5wks


  7. #6
    Eskie
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    We did all our legal possible paperwork in 2000 when getting ready for DD. This biggest point for me was the parenting agreement we signed. I just kept thinking how great this would be for all parents - to realize what they were getting into and how it was bigger than just themselves.

    Eventually we will get married but that is really because DP wants it - We wear our rings and had a private ceremony. Being married won't increase my commitment - especially not more than the two children
    DD - Dec 19, 2001



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