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Wintak

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  1. #1
    hkilleen
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    Wintak

    Hey Amy!
    I replied to your sahm post awhile back, are you still working? I was wondering where you guys ended up in that decision?
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to Hayden 3 years old!!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to 18 month old Hayden!
    TTC #2 July 2004...our first FET


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  3. #2
    wintak
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    Hi Heather

    I didn't see your post until you posted this one.

    I did decide to quit and stay home. I am now a SAHM of a 3 mos old and a 2.75 year old. I used to stay home with Ethan (the older one) but then went back to work at times etc.

    DP is struggling at her job though. Mainly I want family to watch the kids. If DP quit and stayed home, that would be cool with me. I worry the baby won't get the attention she needs in daycare. And that's my own fear...nothing against those who do put them in daycare. I just have many self doubts . The other day the baby was inconsolable and all I could think of is in daycare is anyone really going to try and stay with her until she calms down?

    SO I quit, we are now really tight on $$. We have Ethan adopted by the two of us, but we still have immigration issues to go through. The paperwork is overwhelming! I don't know if we can both adopt the baby. I know the laywers we went through for Ethan would be more than happy to do the paperwork for the baby, but again. .. $$$ is an issue. If only we were millionaires, for a year...then we could get everything in order and not have to worry.

    Our main fear is that if DP dies, HER parents will try to take the kids. The family situation on that side is ....poor at best. Her youngest bro is good with the situation (but he's got his own DP) but the oldest brother and his lovely wife are not ...open at this point.

    Let's suffice it to say the older bro hasn't told his 16 and 14 year old about their aunt (we've been together 16 years) and they honestly think the kids don't know.

    Anyway...got off on a tangent...we don't have paperwork together as far as wills etc. BUT...now I will see if DP can adopt the baby since the "father" is an anonymous donor.

    Thanks for the input. As far as retirement...probably gonna be destitute. But that comes in about 25 years or so!

    I do have one question...what do you do to not be isolated with your kid? Do you do mommy and me playgroups? Do you take him to designated places where you know there will be kids but maybe he doesn't KNOW the kids? I don't want to be isolated at all..and Ethan NEEDS to learn how to deal with other kids...my kid (unfortunately) might end up being the bully!

    Amy
    Last edited by wintak; 12-02-2005 at 11:01 AM.


  4. #3
    hkilleen
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    The bully thing made me laugh Congratulations on your SAHM decision!! Um....we do a lot of activities. Swimming 2 days a week, Mommy and Me 1 day a week, Kindermusik 1 day a week. Next September we are going to start him in a Montessori Pre-School and I think in the Spring we are going to start him in T-Ball though that may not happen. He may be too little still?? I also have 2 cousins, whom I'm VERY close to that each have children within 6 months of Hayden's age and we hang out a lot together. So. We do a lot to keep busy!! I know that feeling of being isolated. I don't know how people do it without activities!! I know some of those things I mentioned cost money but the Mommy and Me does not and of course time with friends and family is always free!!

    That's a bad situations with DP's family, sorry to hear that. Funny. I have an older brother that is gay and he and his DP have kids. I also have a cousin whom is gay though she and DP do not have children. Anyway, I would try to get some kind of trust done or will so that if something were to happen, god forbid, you would not have to deal with maybe loosing the kids as well. Maybe you could contact your lawyer and tell them the $$ thing. Maybe there is someone new to the office or in training or something that could do one for cheaper? That's kind of scary. I remember a movie on Lifetime a few years ago where the parents of the DP took the kids away, made me cry and cry. I think that's when I got crazy about the legal stuff. Hey. In that movie the parents loved them, you would have never thought they would do something like that. Our families are both all really supportive of us. You just never know about people though. It's sad to say but true.

    Sorry. I'm rambling. I just finished cleaning up the kitchen and Hayden is resting on the couch. He is out growing the nap time and I'm having a hard time adjusting to it. I miss those quiet hours all to myself!!

    I'm confused. Your son is adopted and you had your daughter? Just curious.

    We have not talked much about #2. I figured I'd wait until the holidays are over. One of my best friends is pregnant again and so is my cousin. I'm so jealous!!! Not really of the pregnancy but of the idea of a second child. I'm really leaning toward adoption. I just don't think I can handle the IF stuff any more. Enough is enough!!

    Anyway. I better run. I have some stuff to get to. Hope all is well with you and write when you can!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to Hayden 3 years old!!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to 18 month old Hayden!
    TTC #2 July 2004...our first FET


  5. #4
    wintak
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    Wow, you do keep busy! Hayden is not too young for tee ball. Ethan will be 3 in Feb and we had him in the back yard doing t-ball this summer. He can even hit a ball PITCHED to him! Do I hear MLB?!?!?

    I know what you mean about nap time. Ethan goes on and off again with his naps...I miss the alone, quiet peaceful time. But now there are two and do you think they could coordinate naps for me?!?!? Nooooooooo

    Ethan is adopted from Guatemala. He came home at 10 mos in Dec of 2003. I got pg through IVF 11/04 and produced Hannah.

    We are actually considering using the 7 frozen embies and trying for another one. The birth gave everyone a scare, so I know my mom would NOT be for going through that again, but now that we would know what to look for and what meds worked and what didn't,...and now that I would know what to tell the dr's and when they didn't believe me, I'd MAKE them listen....maybe we'd be more prepared.

    That's why I was asking about your FET earlier. DO they make you go through drugs to get the lining thicker, THEN thaw out the embies THEN you find out if they survived the thaw? Or don't you do drugs to thicken the lining?

    DP's younger is gay, no kids, DP's older is not gay has 2 kids. Apparently he's been having marital problems...I do know the wife is a controlling...person....let's call her that..

    Anyway...write back sometime....I'd love to live vicariously through you if you adopt again. I actually found adoption more rollercoasterish than the 7 failed IUI's and 1 successful IVF!!

    Amy


  6. #5
    AmyP
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    **barge**

    Sorry to barge in - but Amy - I noticed that Ethan was from Guatemala. I was wondering if you knew about the BBQ DP and I host for GLTB folks with kids from Guatemala. We have it during family week in Provincetown - last year we had about 150 people!! That was actually a bit too much. But it really is a good time and it is amazing to see all those kids together. Hope you can come next year.
    Amy

    Mom to Mia
    born Guatemala 4/2/2000
    home to Boston 7/5/2001


  7. #6
    wintak
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    I remember last year (or rather earlier this year) you mentioned something about it. Don't know if we will be able to attend for a couple years, although I'd love to.

    I do know a bunch of us who had babies in Aug are hoping to get together in June, and they've picked p-town...Interesting.

    Amy


  8. #7
    hkilleen
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    Hey Amy!
    Hayden is not adopted...he is from our 1st IVF in 2002. I just had a failed FET in October and used up all of our frozen embies doing that. We are now thinking of adopting, well...at least I am but we aren't doing anything until after Christmas and New Years. That said

    I hope he is not too little for T-Ball. I think that is just so cute!! I think the excercise is good for him. I like keeping busy with him. I enjoy watching him learn new things and interact with other kids. I also enjoy interacting with other adults during the days

    The FET was A LOT easier that the IVF. You do have to take TONS and I means TONS of Estrogen though. They want to inhibit ovulation and Estrogen will do that. I only had to go in 4 times before the transfer for bloodwork and u/s's....much less invasive that way. It was much less stressful as well. The inujections with the IVF were hard on me. I only had to do the Progesterone injections after the transfer with the FET.

    Since we have not adopted, I'm not sure how stressful it would be for me. The fertility stuff is another story. That failed FET about crushed me and I know I cannot do another IVF, my heart cannot take it!! Neither can my mind. How long did it take for your son to be placed with you? How did you decide on International Adoption vs. Domestic? I should start reading on the adoption boards to find out some stuff about it. I have no knowledge of how to adopt or how to begin. Loni did adopt Hayden but that was different and much easier.

    I just noticed the time. I have to get something done!!
    Take care and chat with you soon!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to Hayden 3 years old!!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to 18 month old Hayden!
    TTC #2 July 2004...our first FET


  9. #8
    wintak
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    Ok, so for the FET they do NOT want you to O..so then your ovaries don't get all big and painful..EXCELLENT! I guess my big question is....do you take all that estrogen and get all ready and THEN find out if any of the embryo's survived the thaw? Or do they somehow know before hand if they will survive the thaw? I know they'll go over all this with me, but I'm curious before I go in.

    We chose international for several reasons...and it's always a personal decision. I did not want to be on a list for potential moms to evaluate me and DP. That can take FOREVER..and it took YEARS for me to convince DP we should start a family, so I didn't want to waste any time. I found an info session for a new agency in Boulder so we went to that and found they ONLY did international adoption.

    I personally did not want an open adoption, either. Didn't really want someone else involved in the family.

    So in the info session we found out that China was out (long lists for singles unless you want a special needs or older child which DP was not up for), I was not ready for Russia area kids (lots of FAS there) and Guatemala was supposed to be relatively painless and quick. HA!

    We were shown one child whose name I loved, but he was a special needs child and like I said, DP wasn't up to that. We filled out paperwork, handed over TONS of $$ and MORE paperwork and 2/6/03 a baby boy was born (we didn't care the sex, but less of a wait for a boy) and was told to us. We got to name him from the get go...his mom didn't want to name him. Quick it was not..we got stuck in the courts when they were having issues with the Hague Treaty, got stuck when they had elections etc.

    It was very stressful for us. It was VERY up and down. We were originally told we would have a 4-5 mo old baby boy by July. It ended up being a 10 mos old boy in December. Every week it was...well, maybe this week....nope..this paperwork needs to be resubmitted. We were fortunate in that our paperwork was 99% done correctly the first time and one piece had to be resub'd because of a middle initial.

    Anyway, I can email you more in depth info...I viewed IVF completely as a "procedure" It was weird.

    Amy


  10. #9
    hkilleen
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    Hey again!
    Sorry it took me awhile to get back to you. My mother was in town for a long weekend up from Phoenix and Hayden had NASTY cold last week. He is definitely a boy....totally dramatic when he is ill. Sleep is the first thing to go with him if he is under the weather and I got very little of it last week!! I got my Christmas present early though, a house keeper once a week So. Loni decided to start her early and I didn't have to worry much about that stuff last week, it was a god send!! Ya. They cannot tell you if the emby's survive until they thaw them. I had 5 frozen blasts, all the best quality that they can be. They had to thaw all 5 to get 3 that looked good after the thawing. They take a bit of a hit in that freezing stuff. No. You don't get the ovarian pain and there are no injections which is great!! You do however, take 3-5 times the amount of Estrogen that you did with your IVF which will kill you!! I was wearing shorts and tank tops in October, when it was 60 degress outside!! It's the same feeling as having not enough estrogen. Weepy, irritable, hot flashes and night sweats, headaches...all that great stuff. What we won't do to have babies I'm really leaning toward the legally free children in our area. Not only because of the money but because I feel drawn to them, kind of like they are calling me. Maybe this is what we were meant to do. Have 1 biological child and adopt another that desperately needs a home and to be loved. I am set on having an infant which they do have. Though a lot of them are from drug addicted birth mothers and need some extra lovin!! We have lots of that We have a friend that adoped a Meth baby. She is Hayden's age and you would never know she started out her life that way. They had a rough couple of first months with the medication that they had to give her to get over being addicted but after that, it's all been sweet and wonderful. And actually, being addicted to Meth, that baby was no more irritable than a baby who is Colicky which I have been around a lot of!! We still have not talked much about it. We are swampped with holiday stuff. Parties every weekend, all weekend and other events that we try to get Hayden to for him to enjoy this time of year as well.So, when are you thinking of starting a FET? It's so much easier than the IVF, just a lot of Estrogen!!

    Take care!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to Hayden 3 years old!!
    Heather
    Proud SAHM to 18 month old Hayden!
    TTC #2 July 2004...our first FET


  11. #10
    wintak
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    Heather

    Sounds like you are busy busy busy...What a great big heart you have! I wouldn't mind adopting an older child, but laws aren't quite as friendly here in the Rocky Mtns and there are spatial requirements which we wouldn't be able to meet so that kind of adoption won't happen for us...but how cool that you might be able to do that?!? I do know in the Chicago area there are mixed race babies (also with a poor background of drugs and alcohol) who need homes, too.

    So let me see if I understand...I would do the estrogen therapy (so to speak) go through all the hot flashes, weepiness etc and THEN find out that maybe none of the embies took?

    You keep saying no injections...how are you getting the extra estrogen? Pills?

    RIght now I'm at my wits end with Ethan who will be 3 in Feb. He's been a monster the last couple days and it makes me think HOW am I going to get through the 2-3's with another one (Hannah) and do I want to do this with potentially another boy?

    IF we start...it'll probably be summer. I want to make sure I've lost the extra weight, get some of my muscle tone back and be really healthy before putting my body through stuff again. I was on restricted activity through most of the pregnancy with Hannah...so this former marathoner (me) was reduced to being on my feet a max of 20 minutes every hour. Muscle tone - GONE Cardio - GONE (complications with delivery AND restrictions to blame for that)

    I have worked it back to if it's June when we're successful - the month of my b-day then March is the due date and that's the earliest I would want a baby.

    How cool you got a housekeeper...if you get a chance..send the housekeeper my way, will ya??? :-)

    I just noticed you are pallyup...I lived in SEattle for 9 months...HATED the weather...LOVED my job, HATED the weather. But for the longest time I thought the name of the city was pally oop (phonectically spelled)

    Happy Holiday!

    Amy


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