Loosing faith in God

[purple207]

I was born in a Christian family. My mother was a die heart Christian and me and my siblings grew up to know that God is the beginning and the end. I grew up believing that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for everyone.
For the past 3.5 years that i have been going through infertility, i have really questioned the existence of God. I have never wanted something so badly in my life and did not get it. I aways believed that God would give me anything i ask from him. For 3.5years i have been in serious pain, crying everyday for a baby to happen in my life, seeing everyone around me getting pregnant, carrying thier pregnancies for 9months and give birth to a child, I AM STILL NOT PREGNANT. I dont know when i will become pregnant, maybe in 10years or maybe never. Where is God in all of these??? Why would God want me to suffer this much? Does anyone else feel this way?

[Akristine]

Purple207 - I have a strong faith in God. I understand your frustration - the bible tells us that if we are obedient, if we lift up our fears and our anxieties to God, if we pray faithfully - God will provide. However, as I struggle with infertility myself, there is one thing I keep telling myself - God is all knowing. I think, after one failed IVF cycle and an upcoming frozen embryo transfer - what if God does not give me what I so desperately want? Well, He knows something I do not. Maybe I wouldn't survive childbirth; maybe I am meant to be an advocate for individuals having difficulty adopting (this was a failed attempt for my husband and I, as well). I know this may not be very comforting. But it's what I try to tell myself when things are so bleak....and I just pray harder and ask for comfort.

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this...that we are all going through this. I just try to see God in all the other things. Remember - He's in the tragedy, too. I promise.

I hope this helps....

[JAS]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I spent 25 years waiting for God to answer my prayer. I watched him answer everyone's

[JAS]

Sorry my daughter sent that before I was done. Anyways he answered everyone around me except me. It hurt. I was so angry I didn't care to ever pray and even more didn't want to ever go to heaven. I felt so betrayed by him. Well I have seen his faithfulness all these years later. He had a plan. It wasn't what I wanted but now I wouldn't trade all seven children he has given me through adoption for being pregnant. I know his ways are not our ways but he knows best and will fulfill his perfect plan in your life. You will one day be a mommy!! Hang in there and keep trusting him.

[KittyGal]

I know exactly how you are feeling! I totally went through that as well. I prayed and cryed so much I could not take it, I finally gave up and lost faith in God at one point. I felt bad, about 2 months later I finally conceived with IVF after a few tries.

BTW, are you seeing a Fertility doctor since you have been trying for sometime?

Good luck to you warm hugs

[purple207]

Thank you so much for your replies and words of comfort. It is such a hard thing for me at the moment. I have already had 2 failed IVFs and on both occassions, i had perfect cycles, good quality embies and good lining but implantation failed. Doctors told me it was badluck and that we should keep trying and will find our luck someday. During my treatment cycles i went down on my knees and begged God to make it happen for me, so that i can be just as happy like everyone else around me. It did not happen. The bible says that God knows WHY. I was diagnosed with some previous infection that caused one of my tubes blocked and the second one narrow, making both tubes not viable for a natural pregnancy. After two failed IVFs, i changed clinic and the new clinic double checked my tubes only to find out that one is open. I thought this was my miracle. He recommended IUI with the one perfect tube before moving to IVF. Imagine, after 6 stimulated cycles with injectables i have only had one folicle on the side with open tube ONCE, and it did not result to a pregnancy. Sometimes i feel like; `Is this badluck or God is trying to tell me something?`
I know there are many people out there who are going through worse things than me, things i cannot even start to compare infertility with. The bible says that God will never give us a load we cannot carry. I think this load is too much for me to carry, to the point that i am beginning to question the existence of God. One of my colleagues at work is a strong unbeliever in God, she recently gave birth to twins, conceived naturally few months after she got married. Dealing with people like this is hard especially when i have been begging God for years to bless me with just one baby. Sorry for all the rant, i needed somewhere to pour it all out.

[elizabethdennis]

I am so sorry you had to go through all of these purple207. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better. But what scares me is knowing that you are starting to lose your faith in God and that you are doubting his love for you. Please don't. We might not understand how God works but believe that He has a special plan for you. Do not cease praying.

Hugs to you dear.

[purple207]

Thank you elizabethdennis for your words of encouragement.
Just an update from me, i managed to get pregnant few months ago on my 3rd ivf. Twin pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage at 8.4weeks. ;-(. Going for FET next month. Please pray for me.

[HelpAtFertilityAuthority]

Purple,
I am so sorry to hear that. I am definitely praying for you and hoping this FET is a successful, sticky baby!

Kim

Thank you elizabethdennis for your words of encouragement.
Just an update from me, i managed to get pregnant few months ago on my 3rd ivf. Twin pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage at 8.4weeks. ;-(. Going for FET next month. Please pray for me.