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Twin Babies lost *Chloe and Dawson*

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  1. #1
    jacobs24
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    Twin Babies lost *Chloe and Dawson*

    Hi everyone,

    My husband and I have been trying for four years and we had a miscarriage at 9 weeks last year. The baby was suppose to be 9 weeks but actually stopped growing at 5 weeks. We never got to see a heartbeat. This was a surprise pregnancy after an HSG was performed and I was told we would need IVF to get pregnant.

    Now I did IVF with husband of mine and we transferred 2 AA grade blasts. After 4 days I got a light positive pregnancy test. Then we went to the doctor and they saw one sac. Then the second visit they saw 2 sacs so it was twins!
    The best moment was when we went to the doctor we were in the emergency room because I had had light spotting and cramping..There weren't just sacs anymore..they saw white blobs that were the babies and heard their heartbearts (Twin A 115 Twin B 98) Then..next ultrasound, heart beats went up and they were both in normal range.
    I really started to feel like I was going to be a Mama to these babies. I not only heard one heartbeat, which I never got the chance to do in my first pregnancy..but I heard 2 heartbeats! The doctor noticed some bleeding (subchorionic hemorrage) around the babies so I put myself on pelvic rest *No sex, tampons..etc*
    One day I'm driving from the grocery store and I start feeling intense cramps. It was so painful I couldn't even sit correctly in the driver's seat and I was scared I'd run off the road. I call E.r, nurse tells me to come in.
    As I'm walking into E.r...**TMI***blood comes gushing down my leg. They give me an ultrasound right away and we see it's from subchorionic hemmorage..the bleeding that was in the first ultrasound had gotten bigger. The babies had heartbeats and they were okay! The heartbeats were so strong I think it was 138 and one was high 198...doc's weren't worried.
    I go to the R.E two days later to check on the babies..they are still there. But I notice..there sacs are almost 2 weeks behind babies..the babies are measuring 7 weeks 4 days and 7 weeks 5 days and the sacs are measuring 5+6 and 6+0
    The babies looked like they would suffocate!
    I brought it up to Doc who wasn't even going to say anything and hadn't noticed this before! ...He said "It can go either ways"..he didn't look as optimistic. My doctor a week ago said "we would deliver two healthy babies"..oohh thinking about that now feels like a sword is going through my chest, I gasp for breath, tears flying loosely down my face.
    So the next few days I have such bad back pain and cramps are consistent. My tummy which was so bloated and showing a little pooch at just 6 weeks has gone down to it's normal flat self. I have no symptoms..
    So I go back to E.R..after them interrogating me and looking at me crazy..I finally get an ultrasound.

    Both babies are there....almost 8 weeks..but no heartbeats..There are no heartbeats flickering on the screen..they just looked still.
    I kept asking the ultrasound lady but it's like she wanted to zig zag around the babies and kept measuring the uterus and ovaries..clearly the most frickin important this is the dang heartbeat! And she just kept avoiding it..I knew though I could see.
    When she finally tried to perform the heartbeat scans on each twin and it was a flat line on both, no number popper up..I let out a devastating wail. I knew..
    My husband was in Alabama.
    So I'm in the hospital all alone.
    They tell me about a D&C Misosprostol (Sp?) or natural...
    I think I might take the medication, it's only the next day after all this happened.

    I did not stop smoking until a couple days before my embryo transfer. I think maybe I wasn't healthy enough to carry twins. The doctor said they saw a blood clot which was the (SCH subchorionic Hemorrage) and it was behind the placenta..Maybe that was the reason? Maybe it was the small sacs? Idk yet all I can do is wonder..
    And blame myself.
    I'm starting to really consider that I have more than one diagnoses
    I don't understand though because both babies had healthy heartbeats. Then they just cut out.

    We were going to name the babies Chloe and Dawson.
    This would've been both our first kids.
    Our babies. We were finally going to have a family.
    It hurts alot losing twins. It hurt before losing my singleton..Loss hurts in general
    I feel so much more attached because I heard the heartbeat this time..I forsure felt like I knew those babies.
    Chloe&Dawson
    06/02/2018
    Last edited by jacobs24; 06-03-2018 at 12:36 PM.
    Me-24 (blocked tubes), DH-39 (perfect)
    M/C at 9 weeks-Misoprostol

    IVF#1 -01/2018- 20 embryos frozen- FREEZE ALL

    FET 4/20 transferred 2 five day blasts
    4/29 Beta 121
    5/1 Beta 215
    5 1/2 weeks..Ultrasound shows 2 gestational sacs!
    6 1/2 weeks Baby A heartbeat 115 Baby B heartbeat 98
    7 weeks 3 days Baby A heartbeat 135 Baby B heartbeat 115
    Passed at 7 weeks 5 days no heartbeats


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  3. #2
    Patient-One
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    Jacobs24, sorry for the loss of Chloe and Dawson. Both beautiful names and now beautiful souls that will be FOREVER in your heart. This now becomes your new normal, mommy to three angels. Sending you lots of hugs. Take your time to recover. Things happened beyond our control so don't blame yourself (I know easier said than done). Blaming yourself only extend the healing process. If you think not smoking would have made a difference then accept that and move pass it. You already have a plan to do better. That is a sign of forgiveness so don't just say it, live it. When I lost my twins I was up late one night I flipped to a channel and saw Joel Osteen and he said, when you experience something difficult, something you cannot understand, do a self assessment to see what you have learned from the situation. From mine I learned I'm not in control and my experience allowed me to help others by sharing my experience. You will know in your heart who cares and want to know about your experience and who doesn't so don't feel you have to tell everyone. In the end I had success and was not stuck in a black whole of "what ifs".

    Praying for you momma and wishing you the best in the future.


  4. #3
    jacobs24
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    Patient-One, thanks for sharing your losses with me. Losing twins has been such a shock because becoming pregnant with twins was such a miracle. When did you have your success?
    Me-24 (blocked tubes), DH-39 (perfect)
    M/C at 9 weeks-Misoprostol

    IVF#1 -01/2018- 20 embryos frozen- FREEZE ALL

    FET 4/20 transferred 2 five day blasts
    4/29 Beta 121
    5/1 Beta 215
    5 1/2 weeks..Ultrasound shows 2 gestational sacs!
    6 1/2 weeks Baby A heartbeat 115 Baby B heartbeat 98
    7 weeks 3 days Baby A heartbeat 135 Baby B heartbeat 115
    Passed at 7 weeks 5 days no heartbeats


  5. #4
    Patient-One
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacobs24 View Post
    Patient-One, thanks for sharing your losses with me. Losing twins has been such a shock because becoming pregnant with twins was such a miracle. When did you have your success?
    All through IVF - DS in 2016 and DD 2018. Having them don't take away the pain but it allows me to pure that love that I have for those I've lost into them.

    Something I forgot to write earlier, some people will care about your loss and some people will not. Some of those who do not it's not that they don't care it's that they don't know how to behave towards you, they don't know how to help you and don't know what to say. So for those people be gentle with them.


  6. #5
    jacobs24
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    Hi Patient-One. I hope I'm blessed too. Congrats on your new baby. I'm pretty sure I won't tell anyone about this next cycle me and hubby have agree..it's been too many losses and I'm actually really tired sharing it with everyone I do believe it makes it harder when you share your pregnancy and then it's a loss.

    Thank you
    Me-24 (blocked tubes), DH-39 (perfect)
    M/C at 9 weeks-Misoprostol

    IVF#1 -01/2018- 20 embryos frozen- FREEZE ALL

    FET 4/20 transferred 2 five day blasts
    4/29 Beta 121
    5/1 Beta 215
    5 1/2 weeks..Ultrasound shows 2 gestational sacs!
    6 1/2 weeks Baby A heartbeat 115 Baby B heartbeat 98
    7 weeks 3 days Baby A heartbeat 135 Baby B heartbeat 115
    Passed at 7 weeks 5 days no heartbeats


  7. #6
    Patient-One
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    We told people at 20 weeks and the loss happened like 5 days later with the first pregnancy. We didn't share the second pregnancy until we were 20 weeks with family. People I work with knew. It would be easier to deal with the loss with them knowing compared to the family. We don't live the same state so there is no fear of any cross over. This last pregnancy we shared at 13 weeks, we felt better about it and wasn't scared. By then we had done genetic tests and knew the gender.

    Share when you feel even if it's nine months later. It is not easy after a loss when you have to face others. For me, I wasn't ashamed it was I couldn't handle people having pitty for me. I didn't know how to handle it.


  8. #7
    TTCyears
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    I am so sorry for the loss of your pregnancies / children. Hugs!

    I mostly chalk my losses up to (unknown) overwhelming circumstances, but wonder sometimes still - was it something I did. I won't ever know so I try to be gentle with myself and my grief.

    You would think I would know better, but even for my most recent (and last) loss my DH wasn't with me. Sometimes we're at the front line of battle by ourselves. Again, hugs in this difficult time. Hang in there.


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