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Would this bother you?

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  1. #1
    jillgalindo
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    Would this bother you? ***UPDATED***

    I don't know why this bothers me so much but it does. My dh has friends that he has met through work. I have only met a couple of them. Actually now it's only 1 I know the other moved. So he is always going out with people from work. Okay that's fine but I feel like he wants to keep his friends seperate from me. He knows all of my friends if there's birthday parties we go together unless he doesn't feel like going then I will just go. So last Saturday he was going out with his cousin and his one friend that I know. I just feel like he has this secret life because he doesn't tell me half the stuff that goes on when I'm not around. So anyways he says he's going to this guy R b-day party, okay whatever. So last night I was doing Zoey's birthday invites and said hmmmm I wonder whats going on on his ........ (he never goes on but I'm just interested don't know why) So I go on it and it's some girl Josie and she says it was good seeing you at my b-day party. Then I go on her my thingy and there is a picture of her my dh and his cousin under it is says I love these guys, then some girl replied and said I would love them too their hot. So when DH got home last night I said I thought you went to R party who Josie and why would you lie about something so stupid. Of course he turned it around and said I told you I was going to her party which he didn't because trust me I would've remembered. So anyways I told him I don't appreciate her putting a picture of her and my husband on the internet for the whole world to see. He said it's not a big deal she has a boyfriend and her boyfriend is R and he doesn't care so why should I. I said because her boyfriend knows you and I don't know them have never met them or seen them but apparently my dh know them pretty well. I guess he used to work with them. If it's the same girl I remember about 1.5 years ago she used to call my dh and ask him to meet her and her boyfriend because they were out I swear this ***** would call at midnight. I put a stop to that because I don't know her or her boyfriend and why doesn she need to call. Knowing my dh is married why wouldn't she invite the both of us and why wouldn't dh ask me to go to the party I know we have a baby and all but I can get a babysitter and sometimes is nice to get out with dh. I feel like he has something to hide, no I am not a jealous person at all and normaly I don't care but lately I just feel like he's so sneaky it's making me sick to my stomach. I feel like we have totalyl seperate lives I clue him in on mine but I have no idea on his.
    Last edited by jillgalindo; 11-20-2006 at 04:46 PM.
    me 33 mommy to Zoey 4 years old
    TTC #1 02/01
    It's a girl Zoey Lee-Ann born 12/13/05 1:29am 6lbs8ozs


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  3. #2
    shannij
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    Wow I hate this for you. I have been there and done that before and I would go with my intuition. As a matter of fact, I have a good friend who has 3 mth twins and her dh is doing the same thing. I hate to say this but in my humble opinion it doesn't sound right. If someone has something to hide then its not usually something good. Not to give advice or anything but I would start snooping, men are no good at hiding anything. They frankly are pretty stupid about it.
    Bottom line - It is not normal that a married couple have separate friends and do separate things on a regular basis. I have my girlfriends who I go out with on a girls night out but and my dh knows them all. Same for him, he has a boys night out once in a while and I know who he goes with and their wives. things such as friends birthdays should be a couple occasion if not then they are not worth going too.
    Ok maybe I am just too fresh from my conversation with my friend earlier and this topic is registering way too well with me today. Hopefully it is nothing but I would put my foot down and give a bit of lip and see what he says. Don't let him turn things around they LOVE doing that when caught in a corner.
    me 40 dh 39
    tubal dx - 3 ectopics, '98 ivf#1 BFN- exdh,
    IVF 2004 - 24PN embryos all frozen(out of whack hormones)
    FET#1 BFN '04 - tube removed
    FET #2 BFP 10/06/05 Landon Scott
    FET#3 10/06 BFN
    FET#4 BFP 10/07/07 Harrison William
    FET#5 BFP 09/28/09 Brennan Rhys
    final FET#6 - will transfer 2 day 6 blasts (thawed and refrozen '09) Oct 2010 -


  4. #3
    EriMichelle
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    Jill, this sucks. It would definitely bother me. You should have been invited and you should know these people that are so "close" to your dh. Dh needs to grow up and decide whether he wants to be a family or a single guy out partying with his buds. His actions shouldn't make you feel bad or want to snoop on his stuff. If he wasn't acting a certain way - then there would be no reason for you to be looking...just my humble opinion.

    dh emails some of his ex-girlfriends now and then - my dh definitely does some stuff that doesn't make me too happy. Men are just clueless
    me-Erin dh-Brian ds-Kai born 11/8/05
    IVF#1: 8/04 - Ectopic
    IVF#2: 3/05 - BFP!
    IVF#3:12/07 - BFN!
    IUI Natural Cycle 3/08 - BFN!
    IVF#4 4/08: Blighted Ovum ;0(
    IVF #5 11/09 BFN (One frozen embryo left)
    Natural FET #1 One lil embryo - BFP! EDD May 3, 2011
    Scheduled C- Section - EDD Last week in April, 2011
    It's a Boy


  5. #4
    OurFirst
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    You have every right to be bothered by his actions. He def. should not do this. ((((HUGS)))). I hope that he sees that this is wrong and he will open his eyes.

    Jen


  6. #5
    jillgalindo
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    I have our cell phone bill but gosh in the 6 years we've been together I have never had to do this but then I have never had this feeling. I learned from a ex boyfriend I was with for 5 years to go with my gut feeling. I don't know if he's cheating I really don't think but then I don't know I just have a weird feeling and he has some questionable behavior.

    I don't know if I just feel insecure because I'm fat and just don't feel very happy with they way my body looks.
    me 33 mommy to Zoey 4 years old
    TTC #1 02/01
    It's a girl Zoey Lee-Ann born 12/13/05 1:29am 6lbs8ozs


  7. #6
    EriMichelle
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    Jill, I don't think he is cheating - but, if he continues down this path and you let him get away with his actions - going out partying with strange girls like he was single - then sooner or later something is going to happen. He just needs to change his behavior to that of a married man - which means he wants you at those parties with him and he wants you to know his friends, etc.

    And girl, you are beautiful! I just saw you a few weekends ago.
    me-Erin dh-Brian ds-Kai born 11/8/05
    IVF#1: 8/04 - Ectopic
    IVF#2: 3/05 - BFP!
    IVF#3:12/07 - BFN!
    IUI Natural Cycle 3/08 - BFN!
    IVF#4 4/08: Blighted Ovum ;0(
    IVF #5 11/09 BFN (One frozen embryo left)
    Natural FET #1 One lil embryo - BFP! EDD May 3, 2011
    Scheduled C- Section - EDD Last week in April, 2011
    It's a Boy


  8. #7
    shannij
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    I am sure even if you have some baby weight that should not be an issue. Men are selfish ba$tards sometimes always thinking about themselves. Have a conversation with him about this and watch and see. Keep your eyes open.
    I am beginning to wonder if maybe pregnancy and fatherhood really have more of an effect mentally on men than they let up. We can suffer from post partum but I wonder if there is a male version? My friend who is having issues with her dh - he apparently did this to his ex-girlfriend when she got pg with his son. However, no one told my friend this until after the fact. They have been married for 6 years and they talked about having a child and she got of the pill and got pg that month with twins. We know for a fact that he is cheating on her though and he is being a mean and hateful person to her. She can do nothing because she quit her job to be a sahm....
    Anyway I hope your situation is not this serious and just needs a good heart to heart.
    me 40 dh 39
    tubal dx - 3 ectopics, '98 ivf#1 BFN- exdh,
    IVF 2004 - 24PN embryos all frozen(out of whack hormones)
    FET#1 BFN '04 - tube removed
    FET #2 BFP 10/06/05 Landon Scott
    FET#3 10/06 BFN
    FET#4 BFP 10/07/07 Harrison William
    FET#5 BFP 09/28/09 Brennan Rhys
    final FET#6 - will transfer 2 day 6 blasts (thawed and refrozen '09) Oct 2010 -


  9. #8
    durga_k
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    This would definetly bother me for the fact that your dh is telling you a lie, or at the most a half-truth. I am not sure he is having an affair either. If this were my dh he would surely get very defensive when I confront him. He would say my insecurity was the problem. You need to tell him how his being secretive is straining the family fabric. Dhs are entitled to some me time too, but IMO it comes after family time and couple time
    BTW, your weight has NOTHING to do with it, so dont even go there.

    Durga
    3 IUIs, 2 IVFs and 1 FET later
    Twins!! a sad goodbye at 24 wks
    V b 9-17-05


  10. #9
    Blondie8
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    First off, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Having been there, done that so to speak, I found it confidence crushing and I remember clearly how lousy it made me feel

    IMHO, if he's doing nothing wrong, inappropriate, whatever as a married man, there is no reason to withhold information from you. I don't believe that any woman who call a man late at night, or put them on their mysp... pg, if they we're getting signals or assurances that this was fine. I say as much as these gals are off base, the person whose really to blame is your DH. I am not saying that he's having an affair but his behavior is inappropriate for a husband with a young child.

    I say trust your instincts, it takes alot of face something as painful as this straight-on, his first instinct will be to blame you for his behavior and/or hold you responsible. Resist this as much as you can, if in doubt post here and we'll give you the straight goods.

    Weight gain is such a soul crusher, even if it was something as wonderful as mummy-hood. Even if you're truly massively overweight, you still don't deserve to be treated like this.
    “Children don’t belong to us. They are litle strangers who arrive in our lives and give us the pleasure and duty of caring for them–but we don’t own them. We help them become who they are.” Gloria Steinem


  11. #10
    ReneeZA
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    Hi

    First of all I am so sorry that you have to go through this. This will definitely bother me. Why does he have to be so secretive of his friends. You need to have a serious conversation with him. Dont let him turn this around.

    And please dont blame your weight on this. You have not done anything wrong. He need to explain his behaviour. I hope you can work this out. I think you have to set some ground rules.

    hugs

    Renee
    Renee



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