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Asking advice about a very close cousin of mine and her drinking problem

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  1. #1
    Erica J.
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    Asking advice about a very close cousin of mine and her drinking problem

    I am going to try and keep it short but I really need some advice. I don't know what to do. My cousin, who is like a sister to me is downing and downing quick. She has always been very strong and loving and a great mother. She has always been there for me and anybody else who has needed her but now its time somebody is there for her and I know that person is me.

    She has had weight issues her whole life and ended up having a gastric bypass about 5-6 yrs. ago now. She lost A LOT of weight and pretty fast. She went down from wearing a 24 in jeans to a 4 within a year. She was like a different person and when I say that I do mean a deifferent person. She seemed different. We stop talking as much and only seen eachother oh, maybe twice a year. Well the past few years I have learned of her drinking. I knew she was using it to replace food but didn't say much. I didn't know it was so bad. Well, the past year has been the worst with the last few months even being worse then that. She is drunk everyday now. Her SO has called the police on her a few times because she was out of control(him saying this). They fight all the time and in front of the kid, who are teens but still kids none the less. He calls everybody in the family anytime she picks up a drink . She thinks he has the problem and is out to get her. I know she has a problem and is about to lose her family and maybe her life if the drinking doesn't stop. She says she has no problem and she could stop whenever she wanted to but it relaxes her and why shouldn't she beable to relax with a drink at night. oh, I don;t know If I am making sence but we are going up to the family cabin this wknd. . Her myself and another cousin(sister) from Il. are going and my other cousin and I think we should address all this to her but I am at a loss as to what to say or do or if there really is anything to say or do. OH wise ones what shouold I do? How can I help her before she destoys herself and it is getting close to something going very bad one way or the other. How do I make her wake up and realize what she is doing? Help !


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  3. #2
    M&M
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    What a sad situation.

    I have heard that it's very commom for those with dramatic weight loss to turn their addiction to a place other than food if they haven't worked through the issues of their overeating to begin with. Do you think she'd be open to any type of counseling? It doesn't have to be drinking realted, but certainly she sees her life spinning out of control. Has she ever had counseling after the WLS? I thought it was a mandatory part of the surgery?


  4. #3
    Erica J.
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    Yes, she has had counsel for the surgery and use to see somebody wkly. up till about a year ago. She is or was on on something for depression. I doubt she is on anything right now. I feel like I HAVE to do something and fast.


  5. #4
    3boys2luv
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    I'd talk to her, tell her that you are worried and you're worried for her kids seeing her like this (and thinking they should do it). Suggest going back to the counselor. In the end, Erica, all you can do is talk, listen and ask. You can't make her want to change. Tell her how scared you are and be to listening and offering help and hope she takes it. You know my experience with a family member with this. I hope you have a much better outcome.
    Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens.






  6. #5
    BC-NanceLee
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    Well, the bad news is, there is nothing you can do besides love her and hold her up in your prayers. Same with her SO. They are playing out the time-worn dysfunctional tale of alcoholic and enabler. He gets to blame everything on her drinking; she gets to blame everything on his interference. They both get something out of it - escape from the horrible reality of the situation and their respective choices.

    He needs an Al-Anon group, she needs an AA group. You would benefit from Al-Anon as well. For now, go to the bookstore or library and get some Al-Anon literature. A Day at a Time in Alanon is a good one - so is Courage to Change. They are daily thoughts. They have saved my sanity more than once.

    ((hugs)) As the child and ex-wife of alcoholics, baby I understand the worry, fear, frustration, heartache, and pain. I understand the sense that you are watching a slow-moving but inevitable meteor about to crash into your world. I am so sorry you are in the orbit.
    If you have any questions about your fertility treatment or doctor, the Patient Care Advocates may be able to help.

    Me fifty-freakin' eight! DH 38, Max 25, Cole 20
    The only choice in life is love vs. fear. I choose love. ALWAYS.

    Change is inevitable, growth is intentional. - Unknown


  7. #6
    Dublin
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    My sister had gastric done and drinks wine every night. She told me and I saw information about gastric that the alcohol hits you VERY fast and you can get intoxicated very fast. It also leaves your system as fast too. I think its very common to replace one addiction with another. My sister has grown kids who comment on how much she drinks. At family parties, she has to have her wine and says really stupid things. The last time we were together she said I have to have my wine at night.

    All I have to say is good luck to you about your cousin.


  8. #7
    Erica J.
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    I know theres really nothing I can do. Really, I do. I just feel like we need to try. This person she has turned into is very ugly and somebody SHE would of never liked. She divorced her husband 10yrs. because he was an alcoholic. I just do not understand addiction and I guess I never will.


  9. #8
    sofiadavis1
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    I am suggesting you don't bothered more and try to convey and aware about how spoiled his life on all the phase like social as well as personal.


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