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Do you and dh have friends of the opposite sex?

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  1. #1
    DKNY
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    Do you and dh have friends of the opposite sex?

    and if so....does it work for you?

    and i'm not talking about firends that you share. for instance, one of my closest and dearest friends is a man.

    anyone have that? and if not, do you think it would be a problem if you did? or would it be a problem for you if dh did?
    Dina

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    Janeen
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    I just blogged about this the other day. It is no problem for me as long as everything is out in the open...and uh, he can deal with my twenty questions.

    LOL, I guess I am by nature a wondering person sometimes...but as long as there isn't anything going on to make me suspicious, there's no problems. I am sure if I was hanging out with a guy all the time, my husband would want to meet him. He would feel weird about it.

    Has your husband ever met this guy? I guess that would need to happen for me. I wouldn't want to hang out with them per say but I would want to at least meet the woman.


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    DKNY
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    yes, and my dh is ok with it. not necessarily at first, but now. we had many conversations about it and my dh told me that he respects the "history" we (my friend an i) have and trusts me and that if and when he ever has a problem with it he will bring his concerns to me.

    some of my (female) friends say their husbands would never allow it. uh...ALLOW it? not even gonna go there.....

    but i consider my marriage (and my dh and i) to be very mature and receptive to things, and we have an amazing ability to communicate with eachother.

    i know that's not the case with all couples though, and something like this could be a big interference and problem for them and their marriage.

    so i was just curious as to how common it is/isn't, or how people may *think* it would be for their marriage if that were the case.
    Dina

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    Caligal
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    Yes we do. I have a very good male friend that I have been friends with for years. And DH has a female friend he has been friends with since high school. We are totally fine with it. We have gotten to know each others good friends. Everything is in the open. And we also have good communication and are totally secure in our marriage. I don't see what the big deal is?
    Me 42 DH 51

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  6. #5
    DKNY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caligal
    I don't see what the big deal is?
    i don't either, but apparently it's a big deal to some people i've spoken to.
    Last edited by DKNY; 02-08-2009 at 05:14 PM.
    Dina

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  7. #6
    BC-NanceLee
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    No, we don't. We share one good friend (Brookelyn). And I am closer friends to Chuck and Alejandro than Vini is, but they are a gay couple, so it really isn't the same thing.

    To be honest, dealing with a past affair changes a lot of base assumptions. I don't think either of us would ever form an exclusive friendship with a member of the opposite sex going forward, just out of an overdeveloped need to be transparent with each other on that subject.
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    Cat Mom
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    Not really. Well, not that we speak too and hang out with on a regular basis.

    I'll be honest in saying that I'm not sure how I would feel about it if he did have a female friend he spoke with on a regular basis. I know that we are secure in our marriage and would hope it wouldn't bother me, but I can't say that for certain.

    Before I was laid off, every once in a great while I would have lunch with a guy friend I worked with. Nothing more than that, just get out and complain about work for an hour. I mentioned it to DH one time that I had lunch with K, and he said "thats fine, but if you ever plan on leaving me for another man, don't even think you're getting the kids." That shocked the crap out of me because DH has never showed an ounce of jealousy and I'll admit I have a tendency to flirt. So my guess is, unless the guy was gay, he may not be too crazy about it.
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    DKNY
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    Quote Originally Posted by BC-NanceLee
    To be honest, dealing with a past affair changes a lot of base assumptions. I don't think either of us would ever form an exclusive friendship with a member of the opposite sex going forward, just out of an overdeveloped need to be transparent with each other on that subject.
    i think i can understand this. i would imagine some things might impact a couples ability to be that free (for lack of better word.) however even for me personally (and it might be important to add that dh and i have never had those type of issues) i would not think it's appropriate to form a close bond like this after marriage. does that sound hypocritical? i don't mean it to. i just think having a friendship that's been a long standing thing is one thing, forming a new one (in my mind) would be different. not to say there couldn't be friends of the opposite sex, but i would not expect that it would be something that i'd want to flourish into a "best friend" sort of a thing because that to me might be a flag.

    in my particular case my friend and i met when we were 17. we had several classes together in college and met and connected immediately within the first week we were there. so we go way back.
    Dina

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  10. #9
    DKNY
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    tiffany...just because your dh doesn't show jealousy, doesn't mean he's never felt it. flirting is one thing, but knowing you're out with another man (even if it IS totally innocent) might have tripped a few thoughts in his mind, KWIM?
    Dina

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  11. #10
    CrystalAZ
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    Yes, my "best friend" is a guy. We even tried dating before DH came along but that didn't work out, and we were just friends for a couple years before I met DH. It bothered DH at first, but as he spent more time around me and my friend, he saw there was nothing romantic there. And now my friend has a very serious gf, so I don't think DH cares at all.

    DH doesn't have any female friends - well, except for ones who are part of couples we are both friends with.

    Crystal


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