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  1. #1
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    so confused

    Hi, please don't slam but I really need some help.For the last 6 yrs or so my dh has been treating me like dirt. Never said he loves me, favors my son over the girls, doesn't answer unless he feels like it. refuses to do anything with me or the kids, etc... We I have asked him over and over to work on it, to go with me to a counselor, to talk to me. I have cried, begged and finally just had enough. So I told him I wanted him to leave. Now all of a sudden he is madly in love with me. Oh yeah..I am the main moneymaker and turned off his credit cards. Well he keeps telling me how sorry he is and he wants another chance and he loves us all so much. I am just really having a hard time. I am really angry at him and I don't know why. I was actually looking forward to doing it all on my own, and I resent him for taking that away. What the heck is wrong with me. Someone please help...
    ds-nick 25
    dd-taylor 7
    anna and michael born 6/23/02 at 34 weeks 2 days
    Life is short...fill it with love and laughter

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  3. #2
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    Over 5,000 Post BC-NanceLee's Avatar
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    That is how men are - sorry to totally stereotype but unless they really think you are DONE and they have to chase you again, they don't engage in this "working on the marriage" thing. Seen it too often, including in my own marriage, to discount the stereotype anymore. Too many millenia of the hunting gene - once they have us they are bored. Once they lose us they are interested again.

    My advice is first of all GOOD! You ARE ready to do it yourself. Don't lose that. Get some space, work on your objectives - what are your absolute WILL NOT TOLERATE and MUST HAVE items for your relationship? Make the list, know what your boundaries will be. No one is perfect and he won't continue to live up to your highest expectations all the time, but know what your non-negotiable items are and stick to them.

    I bet it will also be very important for you to find out whether the end of the money or the end of the relationship is really what triggered the change in him. Take your time and make sure you really learn the answer to that.

    What I would do is tell him you need time. Promise nothing. Take yourself out for manicures, etc., make yourself look and feel great. Spoil yourself, treat yourself with love. Let him watch, preferably from a buddy's couch.

    Take your time. And pray, if you pray, or in some other way ask for guidance, go inside, let your intuition lead you to the right next step.

    ((hugs)) I am proud of you!
    If you have any questions about your fertility treatment or doctor, the Patient Care Advocates may be able to help.

    Me fifty-freakin' eight! DH 38, Max 25, Cole 20
    The only choice in life is love vs. fear. I choose love. ALWAYS.

    Change is inevitable, growth is intentional. - Unknown

  4. #3
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    I am so sorry.. Relationships can be so difficult. It sounds like you have been through a lot recently. You certainly don't deserve to be treated poorly. Your husband's behavior toward your little girls is emotionally damaging to them, and you are right to put your foot down and take control of the situation. I am so proud of you for being strong during a time when many women are not able to do so. Your courage really needs to be commended. You are a strong, amazing woman. Your children are blessed to have such a strong and caring mommy .

    At this point, no one can really tell you what to do... If you want to work things out with your husband and you truly believe that he can change, my advice is to find a miracle-working marriage counselor (they do exist!) and start attempting to rebuild your lives together. This doesn't mean that you have to change anything at this point. If you want to try a legal separation, you can do so. If you want to remain in the home, you can do that as well. Nothing is set in stone. It is completely up to you and your comfort level. You've been abused (emotionally) and mistreated enough. Now you are in control. I know that your heart hurts and you may be afraid of the future. However, go with your intuition. It's been my experience that women know what they NEED to do simply by following their true feelings...
    Courage is not freedom from Fear.
    It is being afraid and continuing on.

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