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DH is complaining... and we are arguing... about dinner dates and kids bedtime!!!!!

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  1. #1
    BC-MAV
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    DH is complaining... and we are arguing... about dinner dates and kids bedtime!!!!!

    This seems so petty I can't believe I am posting this! DH has complained a few times that when we have gotten a babysitter and gone out to dinner I have taken TOO LONG to put older DS to bed when we get home!!!! This is our long awaited child after 10 years of marriage and 9 years ttc!!!!

    We usually go to dinner for 6-6:30 pm and the babysitter puts the baby to bed between 7 -7:40 while we are at dinner. Then with older DS being 6 1/2 and going into 1st grade his bedtime is between 8-8:30 pm and one of us puts older DS to bed. DH said he wanted to take a jacuzzi and I told him it was too hot outside for me. I told him I would dip my feet in and go outside with him. I go to put older DS to bed and I am thinking DH will be there waiting for me to join him outside or perhaps he will take his jacuzzi while I put DS to bed so we can have "couple time" after this.

    I help get DS in his PJ's and have him brush teeth (and me of course going over them after and flossing them as DH does NOT do this) reading DS a few pages out of his kids magazine, ask what DS favorite thing was about the day, tell DS what's going on tomorrow, tucking him in, and saying Goodnight and I Love You. Normally this is it for bedtime routine but I did have to add one extra thing last night.

    DS has been sucking his fingers perhaps due to a few loose baby teeth or getting in 6 year old molars? and his fingers are calloused, red, cracked, peeling, and almost to the point of bleeding. So put some Thumb Suck Stop liquid on his fingers as well as a liquid bandage. 35 minutes after putting older DS to bed I came downstairs and DH goes to the jacuzzi and I said I would join him and talk with him but it was too hot for me to go in.

    DH said to not bother and the mosquitos are bad. So I just relaxed on the couch and waited for DH to take his jacuzzi. He came out, wanted to watch the news so we did for a few minutes, then we went to the bedroom and the arguing started as I sensed he was so silent that something was bothering him.

    DH complained about me taking too long to put older DS to bed!!!! He thinks that it takes away from our couple time after going out to dinner. And I feel like @##$% for having to explain what I do to put older DS to bed!!!! I think DH just has DS brush his teeth and DH does not go over DS teeth nor does he floss DS teeth, tells him to go read something (because DH's thinking for the past few years was that when DS learned to read at age 4 we no longer had to read to him!!!!) and then DH tells him to hop into bed and that's it!!!! I explained to DH that you read to a child long past the time when they learn to read.

    Anyways I am upset and mad about DH complaining I took too long to put DS to bed after we have had a dinner date and DH is furious that I don't put DS to bed in 10 minutes!!! WE got into an argument (as happenned before) when we had gone out to dinner last night and I put DS to bed and he said it took me 45 mintues. It was maybe 35 mintues. I said I didn't know there was a "time limit" or "recquired" period of time to beat to put our child to bed. I explained it wasn't like I was looking at recorded tv shows, doing a pedicure, logging on to the computer, or doing something else unimportant or minor. And it's not like I was reading 3 chapters from a long book to DS after one of our dinner dates. I was putting our precious child to bed!!!!!

    Even after puttng DS to bed there was still plenty of time to have "couple time" but I got the silent treatment. Any ideas?
    Last edited by BC-MAV; 08-09-2007 at 03:10 PM.


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  3. #2
    SmilingHelps
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    I'm sorry that you had such a rough night. My response may not be the same as others, but it sounds to me like dh isn't taking other people into consideration. Your child's nighttime routine is extremely important- it not only gives him security when its time to sleep, but it also helps build a trusting bond between child and parent. The extra time that you spend with your son allows you to share your most quiet and undisturbed moments together. This trusting connection is something that he will retain for the rest of his life. Your husband truly needs to understand that sometimes it might take 40 minutes to put a child to bed. Parenting is not a 12 hour a day job- a parent dedicates 24 hours a day/night to their child, regardless of the parent's needs or wants. I'm sorry that this has happened. I know that the argument was about something relatively minor. Hopefully you will be able to work out some sort of understanding/compromise about this issue. When I am very upset about something (no matter how minor), I will write a letter to dh- explaining my feelings- and allow him to respond in the same way. This is a very healthy way to communicate as it eliminates the yelling and upset between a couple... If everything else fails, you may want to give this a try. Anything is worth a try, right?


  4. #3
    BC-MAV
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    Thanks! DH is just feeling neglected so I guess he thinks I should be making bedtime quick on the nights we go out on dinner dates. I don't get it though because a couple of times DH invited 6 1/2 year old DS on our "Saturday night" dinner dates and I didn't complain and I didn't feel "put out" or "neglected". I thought it was nice and it made DS feel like a "big boy" going out to eat with Mommy and Daddy. But if I had done THAT DH would have had a COW and felt like I was not thinking of him on our dinner dates.

    A letter sounds interesting but we have already all talke this issue out to death so I don't want to re-hash anything. I stronly disagree about limiting bedtime routine and I don't think 35 minutes is unreasonable. I and just can not BELIEVE that he is complaining I took too long.... on something important. I could understand if he said I was doing my make-up and hair for hours or watching soaps all day or decoupaging a chair and I wasn't having dinner for him or wasn't paying him attention. We're just in a funk. We'll get out of it...
    MAV Mom to

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