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How has infertility affected your marriage?

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  1. #1
    SmilingHelps
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    How has infertility affected your marriage?

    How has infertility affected your marriage?

    What advice would you give to other couples dealing with infertility?


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  3. #2
    BC-MAV
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    Infertility...

    made us realize that 5 different Drs. in different states can have 5 different opinions on causes, treatment, etc.. and it is very confusing

    made us wonder a lot what was the cause (unexplained)

    made us BOTH think about what mattered ... what didn't... (in terms of having a family ~ ie did genetics matter? did we want to adopt and would we be ok with a toddler or did we want a baby? also were we comfortable with our race or mixed race if adopting? how would we deal with birth defects or genetic abnormalities? how long would we ttc? how much time and money would we spend?)

    made us stronger by dealing with something so difficult

    made us compromise and consider each other's feelings because you are both in it together

    get counseling to deal with infertiilty when you are in disagreement about options, when it affects your sex life, when one of you obsesses and the other doesn't want to do anything, and get counseling after you have a baby because they do change your life.

    Haven't read it yet... but it looks good and funny.... Babyproofing your marriage: How to laugh more, argue less, and communicate better as your family grows... by Stacie Cockrell.


  4. #3
    Cat Mom
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    How it affected our marriage:

    It brought us closer together because even though we're unexplained and DH tested fine, pointing the finger back to me, we knew we were in it together.

    It made me realize how much my husband loved me and cared about us.

    At one point, I asked him for a divorce so he could find himself a fertile wife that could give him the family he deserved, not one that was making him go through hell. That was one of the few times in our marriage my husband has raised his voice to me. I wish I wouldn't have said that because I know it hurt his feelings.

    We developed more of a warped sense of humor. It was interesting some of the "witty" comments we would come up with when people would make stupid remarks about "when you going to have kids, you been married long enough" or everyone's personal favorite of "you just need to relax." To this day, I still hate that saying so much.

    We communicated better in terms of what we want in life, how long we were going to TTC before calling it quits, what about life after infertility, meaning what if we never had a baby.

    Definately makes sex less fun.

    Advice to couples still battling IF:

    It's ok to be angry. It's ok to be upset, bitter, resentful, depressed, sad, and wondering why do I have to go through this.

    It's ok to not go to baby showers, children's birthday parties, and anywhere there are babies, small children and families. No one should be forced to go to something that is going to cause them emotional suffering. It's all about self preservation and sometimes you have to put yourself first.

    It's ok to be a smartass when someone makes the "just relax" and other equally idiotic comments. If only people would think before they speak.

    It's ok to educate people on the truths and myths of infertility.

    Remember you are a couple in this together. Don't lose sight of the love you have for one another and don't make each other feel less of a person because they may be the root cause of your infertility.
    Tiffany (36) DH (44)
    IVF#2, Baden Troy born 11/11/06
    Natural Surprise, Alexandra Elyse 2/14/08

    www.custommetalart.etsy.com


  5. #4
    MT_firegirl
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    it's made my husband very aware of where I'm at in my cycle..

    it's made us cynical and scoff at those that have such a short "battle" with IF

    it's made us stand even closer back to back
    Kelcey and James
    Whitefish, Montana
    TTC #1 for 14 years
    my two teensy angels
    2008

    "Life is not defined by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away"


  6. #5
    SmilingHelps
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    In the beginning, infertility weakened my marriage. The reality of not being in control, and the roller coaster emotions really hurt us. My husband emotionally while I became more emotionally needy. We were a mess.

    We went through 4 years of infertility. In the end, I learned that I had Premature Ovarian Failure and would never be able to conceive. The doctors told me that it was hopeless and that medical science could not help me. This news destroyed me. I wanted to leave my husband, and even made a plan for divorce. I didn't think it was fair to him that he would never have a child because of me. I wanted more for him, and attempted to leave several times. Thankfully, he begged me to stay.

    Eventually, we moved into the adoption process and this again was emotionally traumatic. The roller coaster emotions and stress of adoption was too much for me, and I was a wreck. Again, dh withdrew and I became needy.
    6 months later, we somehow - by the miracle of God - concieved our daughter. This taught us never to lose hope, and always remain faithful that someday a child will come into your life.

    My advice to couples dealing with infertility would be exactly this:
    Regardless of what the doctors say, there is always hope. Never give up because you WILL have a child someday.


  7. #6
    Sym2
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    The largest impact it had on our marriage was sexually.
    Sex was just not fun anymore.
    It was like a job that I used to like but did it so much JUST to make a baby that it took away all the other wonderful reasons for having it.
    It was also a constant reminder of what would not come of it.
    That turned into a rutt and a habit and that was hard to break.

    After we stopped ttc my perspective returned and I could remember all those other reasons to make love, but not while ttc.
    If we kept ttc, we would never have enjoyed sex again.
    Sym


  8. #7
    lsmariev
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    first it affected our sex life, because i became obsessed with ttc and he got ansious... very hard time for both of us... but now i understand i can't pressure him and we take it easy... know he is an expert also, and when he sees those opks he knows is time for action... lol... he has learned to be more supportive and i think has made us stronger...


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