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new to bb, started blog and going thru tough time with H (not darling at this time)

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  1. #1
    Melissa in ND
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    new to bb, started blog and going thru tough time with H (not darling at this time)

    really no post, just wanted people to read my blog and if they had any info for me on what to do other than what I know that I need to do.

    I have 3 small girls, ages are almost 5, 2 1/2 and 15 months.

    H had a 1 night stand with our SIL ( his brothers wife) 2 yrs ago. This couple have been having trouble but now this just adds another blow to the whole issue.

    Hope to hear from anyone out there that has had this happen to them .
    Melissa in ND
    11/01 IUI
    02/04 IUI
    09/04 m/c @ 4.5 wks Surprise!
    07/05 Surprise!!


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  3. #2
    nicci
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    Sorry I don't have anything to say to help. I hope you can work it out


  4. #3
    raytw
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    hi melissa

    just offering support and prayers. pm me if you want to talk.


  5. #4
    BC-NanceLee
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    One - I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

    Two - This is not about your sister in law. Even if she is the Wicked Witch of the West, it is about your husband not saying no. And even more important that that, to focus on her is to avoid focusing on YOU TWO.

    There is actually a psychological term for this, it is so common. It is called triangulation, where the couple focuses on the third party as a place to direct their anger and avoid facing each other and saying hard truths which need to be said.

    Three - sounds like he DID say no the second time, which is a good thing.

    He also tried to leave it 100% in the past. Unfortunately, it couldn't stay there (nothing unresolved is ever happy to stay that way) and the subpeona process brought it out.

    For him, this is 2 years ago old business he would just as soon forget. For you, it happened last week. Both of you have to realize that.

    A thread you might find helpful is on the General Parenting Board right now, discussing infidelity and different reactions and outcomes.

    http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=462104

    Whatever you do, do it S L O W L Y.

    ((hugs))

    NL
    If you have any questions about your fertility treatment or doctor, the Patient Care Advocates may be able to help.

    Me fifty-freakin' eight! DH 38, Max 25, Cole 20
    The only choice in life is love vs. fear. I choose love. ALWAYS.

    Change is inevitable, growth is intentional. - Unknown


  6. #5
    WillowTree
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    M: Leaving out of town on business for 3 weeks. Will go to your blog when I get back. Quick, but NOT carefully thought out response to your question:

    Have you had this happen to you?

    Not to me. No. Not this. Other "fresh hells", of course! None of us is immune travelling through life . . . (New Inside Joke between Us Gals/Guy? on Relationships BB, a famous female writer - in the 20s, I think - was exasperated at work and saw her x coming up the stairs with a hang dog look and said, "now . . .pray tell . . .what fresh hell is this?? )

    However . . . the artist Frieda Kahlo - you may be acquainted because of Salma Hayek's film project a few years ago - was the longtime companion of the famous muralist, Diego Rivera.

    Well, Diego had a fling - honestly, more than just a fling . . . an affair of some duration - with Frieda's sister. A number of years ago, I was in one of those small treasured used bookstores in the Village in NYC and came across "The Letters of Frieda Kahlo" in Spanish (as a twist: it had gotten translated into Spanish, but the letters were originally sent in English by the writer). It was a published volume of her private correspondence to her American and European friends, patrons, supporters. Frankly - I only picked up the dog - eared book because the black and white photo in the front depicted a disturbing image of a woman: Frieda, attractive complete with elaborate beehive do . . . and a moustache. Ouch! . Made me read the back, saw that it was Kahlo and decided to learn a little more about the artist.

    Wow . . . what a heartwrenching story of profound suffering. Her life. So jarring, upsetting . . . but really speaks to the endurance, strength, humor and character of an amazing and extraordinary woman!! I'm positive Salma et al. must have read those letters before embarking on that film project. What a powerhouse of a human being!

    Know this: Rivera is recognized as one of Mexico's greatest artist. In the top 10 of world muralists of all time. But, you know, who's art sells at astronomical prices, higher than his, whenever pieces appear at the great auction houses? You bet. Frieda.

    You caught a tough break here. One the hardest. Your girls will thrive. They have you. Frida survived and - with time - endured and crafted her life so that it would no longer be overshadowed by this betrayal. You will to. If you can get a hold of those letters. Do. You are not alone in this "fresh hell."


  7. #6
    raytw
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    how are you doing melissa?

    hi melissa, just checking to see how you are doing?


  8. #7
    Melissa in ND
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    Re: how am I doing?

    Raytw, Thanks so much for asking how I am doing.

    To answer your question, some days are good and some days aren't so good. KWIM?

    I have been taking lorazapam for anxiety or panic attackes, that's what my doctor seems to think is happening to me. I am thinking about revisiting with her and maybe get on some paxil or something. My h isn't so sure about me going on any anti depressent medicine at this point.

    We have been going to marriage counseling and it seems to be working, but I am short tempered sometimes and that may lead to some disagreements between him and I. I don't think he really deeply understands how I am feeling at this time. For the last week (while I have been trying to relax after getting the kids in bed on the couch) he comes and sits by me and not only gets close to me, but starts rubbing my face, legs, hands or arms and he just lays there like a lost puppy. What part of GIVE ME ........ doesn't he understand. It just irritates the heck out of me. Even in bed, he just can't seem to stay on his side, always nudging up next to me.

    He has a school board meeting tomorrow out of town and I am going with only to have some quality time alone without the kids ( we have hotel room, but I plan on sleeping in the other bed without him)

    Hopefully everything will turn out for the best. I will update later.
    Melissa in ND
    11/01 IUI
    02/04 IUI
    09/04 m/c @ 4.5 wks Surprise!
    07/05 Surprise!!


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