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Angry and lashing out at husband

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  1. #1
    want a bump
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    Angry and lashing out at husband

    Anybody else out there frustrated with their infertile situation and sadly taking it out on the wrong person? I truly love my husband, but there is a small part of me that is angry at him that this is happening to us. It is not entirely his fault, yet he will never know exactly what I am going through or how I feel. You see, he has children from a previous marriage. They also had to seek help to achieve pregnancy, but his sperm was of better quality then (20 years ago). I can't get away from this frustration. He has kids. This statement NEVER used to bother me. Now just hearing those words makes me want to sob. He has pictures of babies, school pictures throughout the years, gave homework help, attended graduations. He got to be a dad and help to create the individuals that the boys are today. It would seem at this point that I don't think I will ever get to experience any of these things and It makes me angry.
    01/11/13 IVF #1 - no viable sperm. 10 eggs frozen
    03/13/13 FET #1 - of the 10 frozen...8 eggs fertilized. 7 abnormal embryos that were discarded before day 4, 1 actually reached blasto then slowed growth on day 5. waiting for results to see if it is viable for transfer on 3/15/13 (had been scheduled for xfer on 3/14)
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  3. #2
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    My situation is different in that my husband doesn't have children. He wants to use donor eggs and I don't. He wants his "own" child and not someone else's and for that reason, he doesn't want to adopt. I don't want to use DE because I don't feel like the child would be mine. He thinks he shouldn't be scr@wed just because i can't have kids. Well, I can kind of see his point but it doesn't mean I want to go through pregnancy with a child that's not even mine. The fact he expects it of me makes me want to punch a wall! He doesn't seem to get it that he expects something from me (with pregnancy on top it) that he obviously isn't willing to do.

    In your case, I think I would be angry, too, probably much more than I am at my situation. Being a step parent has to be one of the most difficult and thankless jobs on the planet, even with a really good relationship with your stepkids. When I was dating, I refused to date men with kids for that very reason. Of course, that meant I didn't get married until I was 46! I can't imagine dealing with a step parent situation and infertility at the same time.

    I think your anger is perfectly normal. Your husband is probably really confused. You might try asking him to put himself in your shoes (kind of a roll reversal) to help him understand. The better he understands, the better he can support you.
    Married later in life, 1st for DH and me.
    I'm 48, DH 44
    ttc since honeymoon 6/09
    DE speech from 2 RE's
    Started mini-ivf out of state
    1st rtrvl: 2 frzn 2 day embies
    2nd rtrvl: 1 frzn 2 day embie
    3rd rtrvl: 4 eggs, no blasts
    4th rtrvl: 4 eggs, no blasts
    5th rtrvl: 1 egg, no blast
    6th rtrvl: just starting cycle

  4. #3
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    Oh how I can relate to your post. When I went through 7 LONG years of IF, I lashed out on a daily basis, I was horrible. I blamed my husband at the time for all my IF issues, stress motility issues etc etc. I cannot believe he put up with it quite honestly.

    Good luck in your journey. Stay strong!
    Thanks Romy69 thanked for this post

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    I can understand what you are feeling, I have gone through this. Its a hard time for me but its gone. Now I am happy with my husband and don't even think about this.

  6. #5
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    I understand that you do not have your own children? But it seems to me that you need to love his children. It would be nice if you could make friends with his children. Your husband will love his children, regardless of whether you love them or not. Therefore, do not be negative or aggressive towards his children. This can have a bad effect on your relationship. You negativity to his child can destroy your family.

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