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Feeling really down

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  1. #1
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    Feeling really down

    Hi Ladies,

    I know I'm usually a good source for upbeat posts on this board....but I'm feeling really down today and have been for a while. I can't really put my finger on why. I think I'm just scared.

    I haven't taken as good of care of myself this pregnancy. I haven't eaten as well, exercised as much or drunk enough water. I don't know why....I just haven't. My DD is such a sweet angel and I know how good and careful I was when I was pregnant with her and I'm just not doing that this time.

    I am stressed to the MAX with work and I am feeling like i'm not going to be able to take any time off when Ryan comes.

    I am worried that I am not going to be able to be as good a mommy to two kids as I am to one.

    I am worried that Ryan isn't going to be as healthy or as smart or as good of a child as Grace because I haven't done "all the right things" this pregnancy.

    I am worried that my daughter is going to be mad at me because we had another baby.

    I'm just sad....and I am writing through tears. I know this all probably sounds silly....but I'm just a mess and I needed to let somebody know.

    Thanks for listening!

    me 36 DH 33
    m/c 12-7-01
    m/c 3-22-02
    DD Grace 5/9/03
    m/c 3-22-04 :angel
    DS Ryan 5/12/05

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  3. #2
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    Oh Kathy! Its okay to feel the way you do. Honestly I have been having many of the same feelings. I am worried about Kaelyn adjusting to being a big sister. She has been our one and only,, our WHOLE world and I worry... Also this may seem stupid but as much as I want this baby I worry about loving it as much as her. I know that is rediculous and from what I have read I am not alone. I have had many more problems this pg then with Kaelyn and I feel guilty as if it is something I have done.. I know its not in my head but I still feel that way.
    You have done a wonderful job. Dont beat yourself up for one minute. You are going to be a wonderful mommy to both of your lil sweeties.
    By the way,, I sometimes wonder myself how I am going to do it with TWO... Especially after a hectic day. Or one when I seem to have lost my patience. It does scare you to believe that this baby can be healthy as your first.. I mean, who can have things so perfectly and be so lucky more then once right???? I KNOW!!!! I feel that way as well. I dont mean to make this about me,, I am NOT trying to in the least, I am just trying to make you feel better in knowing that you are NOT alone in your feelings and that they are perfectly normal.. HUGE hugs to you... YOu are doing a great job and you will be a wonderful mommy to TWO lil ones!!!!
    Last edited by missyk; 03-13-2005 at 11:46 PM.
    Mommy to Kaelyn 11/22/2002--My little sweetie!
    My Wild mamma!--Carlee Grace 05/31/05

  4. #3
    Liv's Mommy
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    OMG Kathy!!! I literally could have written your post! I have not taken care of myself nearly as good with his pregnancy as I did with Olivia. I barely ever take my vit, don't take any calcium supplement, don't exercise and just don't eat as good in general. I know that some of it has to do with the fact that I am busy with Olivia this time around but I think another part of me keeps thinking "what the heck this is the last time I will be pg might as well eat what I want!" Which I know is the wrong attitude to have! When pg with Olivia I wouldn't lift anything and this time around I do.......I guess I have to with a toddler around.
    I am also soooo scared of what life is going to be like with 2. How am I going to manage? It is so easy now with one. I too am so afraid that Olivia is going to be jealous of the baby and to see that will literally break my heart. She is a very clingy toddler and is sooo attached to me I wonder how it will be when I just can't give her as much attention. This sounds so dumb but my biggest concern right now is leaving her with someone else when I go into labor. I am worried it will happen in the middle of the night and she will wake up and think "where is Mommy and Daddy?" I am worried that she will be upset when she walks into the hosp room and sees me with another baby. Thinking about this brings me to tears. I am also worried to show any affection towards the new baby for fear that Olivia will no longer feel loved. I too feel like Missy and sometimes wonder if it is possible to love another baby as much as I love Liv. Right now I can't even imagine cause I love her sooo much!!! Although everyone says you do love the 2nd just as much. Another thing I have been worried about is what if I have PPD this time around. I don't know why because I never had it with Liv. I guess I am just so worried that I will be so overwhelmed this time around that I may be more susceptible to it. I know all this sounds so crazy and every toddler gets through the birth of a new sibling but I am just so worried of how Liv will react. She has been #1 for so long now. It is funny you posted this because I was thinking of posting something similiar about how very scared I am about being the mother of 2. Don't get me wrong I am thrilled beyond belief that I am blessed with another baby and I know eventually Olivia will adjust. I am just soooo scared!! Although I am so sorry you are feeling this way I am so glad to know that I am not the only one. You always seem so upbeat and optimistic I never would have thought you had these feelings as well. I think it must be a normal thing. I guess when pg with Olivia I was scared cause I didn't know what to expect and this time around I am scared cause I DO know what to expect. Anyway, as you can see this has been weighing heavily on my mind as well. I think the fact that we are concerned just proves that we will be great Mommy's to 2. You definitely do not sound silly!! I am really glad that you voiced your concerns to us. It looks like many of us are in the same boat. Hang in there sweetie!!
    Jen 36 dh 40
    #1 dd 7/17/02
    My precious little girl!!
    #2 dd 6/10/05
    My other precious little girl!!

  5. #4
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    Oh my lovely friends,

    Obviously this being my first and only baby, I do not share your feelings and concerns about beings Mommies to 2 (or more) children. But it sounds to me that these feelings are completely normal. These are huge life-changing experiences we are all going through.
    Emotions and triedness can catch us unawares and side swipe us.
    You are all wonderful mother's. I am blessed to hear it almost daily when you share your concerns and human-ness.
    Kathy, you say you dont feel you have taken care of yourself aswell during this pregnancy. I would say that is the norm as the reality is that you have done this before. Please dont be hard on yourself. I would bet you are being more careful than you realise. All of what you are saying sounds so normal but what makes you special and an good mother is that you are acknowledging it and saying out loud. THAT is to be admired.
    What I hope for you more than anything is that you get to rest more and not be so busy. You are doing just fine. Just a little tired.

    Love and hugs to you.

    Me 46, TCC # 1 for 7 years.
    1st DE IVF 10/01/04 BFP,
    1st Beta 10/13/04 278, 2nd Beta 10/15/04 947

  6. #5
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    Oh Kathy!

    I'm so sorry you are feeling so down right now! Please, please don't be so hard on yourself! I really think drs make too big of a deal with eating and exercising! Yes, they are important, but if you don't exercise regularly or eat as healthy as you should, it's not going to hurt the baby! I've not always been great with this stuff and my babies have always been healthy! I'm a little scared with this baby, but I do know there was nothing I did to cause my lil guy's kidney problem! I truly believe Ryan will be just fine!!

    As far as loving this baby, I know for fact that you will love Ryan just as much as you love Gracie!! There is no real way of understanding how this works until you have another baby, but it does!! Just wait, you will be filled with so much love for both of them!

    My children have always done a pretty good job with a new baby. There are problems sometimes, but they do love their new sibling! You just need to watch what Gracie is doing. You will see a difference and a little one on one time with her will comfort her and give her what she needs!

    I hope you are feeling a little better today!


  7. #6
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    Girls, we all have worries and to some point it is perfectly normal. But, if you're feeling really overwhelmed, please, talk to your dr. about it. Post pardum depression isn't just after the baby is born, it happens before the baby also.

    My OB asks everytime I go in how I'm feeling emotionally, etc. and has talked about PPD.

    It's okay to have fears and anxiety, and while it's great that we are here for each other, let someone you can physically see/hear/touch know also. Especially if it continues. Sometimes our hormones get so thrown out of wack that we just can't handle it all..and it's OK...just let someone who can help know.

    About loving another child, I just read an article about that...and yes, you will love your child, and truth is, it may not be like the first, but you will love each child in there own way...fact is know one else can be that 1st child...know one else can be the "only boy" or "only girl"...but you will love them, this one for this reason and that one for that reason...it doesn't mean you love them any less or any more, just differently.

    Mine is old enough to really understand that we're having another one...he's old enough to understand and ask about us loving him vs. her and spending time with her...I've had to talk with him about all the purchases we've made for her that we're not making for him...because we already did that when he was a baby. I've also told him, no matter what he will always be my baby, my 1st born and that makes him so special...

    As far as having more than one, I've told my best friend to shot me if turn into one of those chronically late people because "I have 2"...you know the type!

    That's all!


  8. #7
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    Hi Kathy! I hope you're feeling better. I can totally relate to your post on many levels. First, I've been so mad at myself for not treating this pregnancy with the same care/concern I did the first.
    With the girls I took m vitamins like clockwork, didn't TOUCH caffeine, never ate a turkey sandwich, walked everyday, RESTED everyday...basically walked on egg shells..
    This pregnancy I stopped taking my vitamins, I take Colace at will, drink Coke when I want it, carry BOTH babies at once from time to time, get so worn out everyday and then keep going...you get the picture. To make myself feel better about it I remember that until recently women smoked, drank, did whatever and most babies were bornn fine...although I don't advocate those things at all. Anyway, it sounds like we are acting like normal 2 pg people!

    I've always had guilt with my girls because they have always had to share my attention. I've envied my friends with just onne child that could make that baby feel like the only thing that mattered in the world. NNow that I'm having another I'm so worried that they will really feel neglected...especially my Madison..she is so low key and easy going vs Lauren who is very high maintenance and demanding. Anyway, I try to stay focused on the bigger picture. You are giving Gracie a brother. A relationship she will cherish for the rest of her life. She will have such a fuller life for having a sibling. AND it will bring out wonderful qualities in her...you'll get to see how much love she has inside of her to give while she takes care of her baby brother. It's a beautiful thing.

    NNow take it easy on yourself. Just make sure you take care of yourself...all that stuff about how long you take off or not is something that EVERYONE feels guilt about. I worry that my girls are going to be behind the kids that are inn daycare...I feel guilty for my husband having to carry the burden...the list never ends. Just do what you have to do...through your posts you sounds like a great person!!

    My nn key is obviously screwed up
    Katy...SAHM to
    Madison Elizabeth 4/29/2003
    Lauren Catherine 4/29/2003
    Ella Renee 5/31/2005

  9. #8
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    I think if you weren't worrying about this, it would be some other aspect of the pregnancy you would worry the same way about.

    I go from worrying about what I eat to freaking out I am having cramping to...

    I totally understand how you feel and have been thinking similiar things. I think it is natural.

    Maybe when you start worrying, do what your worried about. Drink a big glass of water or a healthy snack. Your baby is going to be fine and your daughter is going to love her sibling.


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