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Warning:  My worse fears vent.   Read w/ caution or just skip

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  1. #1
    LisaKay
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    Warning: My worse fears vent. Read w/ caution or just skip

    I just need to get this out. You don't even have to read this. But if you do, I want you to read with caution because I don't want to bring anyone down or put any unnecessary fears in anyone.







    I am so scared that something is wrong. I have no real symptoms or indicators that anything is wrong, just a strong feeling. I know by reading posts that many of you are feeling the same way. I also know this is normal. I had these fears with DS but not to this level.

    I'm 17w4d. I'm not feeling movement. I think I should. I thought with DS I didn't feel movement until after week 20. I counted it up yesterday and it was week 17 (I was coming home from a family get together and remember the date) I thought I'd feel movement sooner this time. I have felt 'something' I thought might be the baby but I really don't think so.

    In the last few weeks I don't feel as though I'm getting any bigger. It seems I should be getting a bit larger each week.

    I worry that I'm not eating enough. I am hungry a lot but the thought of food just makes me want to turn away from it. I went to the grocery last night and didn't know if I would make it through without vomiting. I cannot remember to take my vitamins. That can't be good.

    I go back to the OB on the 15th. I keep imagining that he won't find the heartbeat and will send us for an u/s. I imagine during the u/s we will find out the baby's heart has stopped. I also worry that the appt on the 15th will be fine but when we go for the big u/s something very wrong will show up.

    Why do I have these fears?!?! They are keeping me from really enjoying this pregnancy. I feel guilty for that. This child deserves for me to be excited. Maybe I'm worried about my age, 40. Maybe it's because this is a natural pg. DS was conceived through IF tx and this time I feel like I have no control over what's going on. I was 7wk pg before I even had a clue. What did I do during those 7wks? Did I do anything harmful? I can't remember. I know I didn't drink during that time.

    It is going to be a long week until my appt. I just hope I don't have a breakdown before then. If you did read this, thank you. I can't tell these fears to anyone IRL, they wouldn't understand and/or I would start bawling before I'd get it all out. No need to respond. Thank you.
    Lisa


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  3. #2
    AmyV
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    I completely understand how you feel. I have been more stressed with this pg thinking something is wrong all the time. I Have the exact same fears you do. I think one thing is I read to much stuff on here that gets me all worked up. I was listening to the HB on my doppler yesterday and it sounded like the Heartrate really slowed for a few seconds and then went back up. So here I am thinking there is something wrong with the heart there just has to be.
    I think it is very normal to feel this way. Like you I am having a hard time enjoying this because of the fear. I never really had these fears with DS, but then again never had a M/C before him either and have since had 4. I think this plays a big roll in it.

    I am sure everything will be just fine and you will have a perfectly healthy baby. Just know that you are not alone in your fears.
    Amy


  4. #3
    PickleSpice
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    I wish I had some words to reassure you. I think if you've gone through IF tx, these fears are totally natural. Maybe we feel too lucky that we've had these miracle pregnancies so we think something will happen. Anyway, even if you're worried throughout the pg, that doesn't mean you won't be excited once the baby arrives (or before then)! I have such similar feelings. I feel tiny flutters sometimes, but they're not definitive baby kicks yet. I also rarely feel them so I worry that something has happened. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.


  5. #4
    tasha
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    I really think that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I am 17 weeks 3 days and not feeling any definate movement either. I also thought that I would be feeling something more by now and many times in the evening worry about all the same things and am hypersensitive to every little "feeling" in the tummy region. Try to relax and the 15th is not far away now, you WILL get the reassurance that you need. My u/s is on the 19th and I cannot wait for that day to come. I always take my vitamins with breakfast so that I don't forget. The bottle sits right infront of my place setting and with the childproof cap I don't have to worry about ds getting into them. Maybe try putting one and a glass of water on top of your alarm clock and take it first thing before you get out of bed.

    tasha


  6. #5
    robin
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    Lisa, you poor thing.

    I have to say I posted this exact same thing on overweight & pregnant board on sunday. I, too, keep worrying that something bad is going to happen. And I feel GUILTY AS HE!! because I want to be excited and happy, and all I feel is fear most of the time.

    We ttc 9 yrs for this baby. Had a m/c in '02 and I'm just afraid it's going to happen again.

    I had a dr's appt yesterday and the dr had such a hard time finding the HB with the doppler. Finally found it after about 10 min.

    My dr said something wonderful that really hit the spot for me:
    "It's hard now that you are in no-man's land, you can't feel the baby move yet and you are waiting for something new to happen so that you 'feel' pregnant."

    I thought that was right on. It's so hard for us that can't take pregnancy for granted (you know, the honey-mooners club)...well, I think if you've once experienced IF, you should have a prenatal every week!

    Hang in there, I'm sure you'll start feeling movements soon. One more word of advice...Stay off these boards!!! I find when I'm feeling the most depressed is when I've been reading how people are feeling the baby before me, how someone just lost their's (very sad), people don't usually post just to say, "I had a great day."

    I've read that people feel the baby at different times with different pregnancies, I'm sure you'll feel that little bean soon.

    Robin
    ~Robin~
    DD through adoption
    DS through IVF
    DS though FET
    3 angels in heaven


  7. #6
    flagirl
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    Oh Lisa - you are scared because you worked so hard for this......it is so hard to not play the "what if" game. I wish I could tell you how to stop worrying - but I just think that is how we are. Maybe you could call your dr and ask to come listen to the heartbeat?? Something just to reassure you....

    About your size thing. I have also notice that I have not really gotten any bigger the last few weeks. I was just as big at 16 weeks as I am at 20 weeks.... I think maybe we jump up in spurts. And so many people don't feel movement till after 20 weeks. I was just talking to a girlfriend this weekend who is pg with her 2nd and said she felt nothing till after 20 weeks. I think it all depends on where the little buggers are laying - and where the placenta is.....

    Try not to worry yourself. I know that is way easier said than done. Pg IS scary. I hope you get some reassurances soon so you can enjoy yourself. YOu deserve it!
    Tina

    Two precious girls -
    Anna (4/25/03) and Natalie (12/10/05).


  8. #7
    Amyk
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    Lisa -

    I totally understand your fears - I too haven't really felt any movement as of yet. Like you I've felt something but it's so fleeting I'm not sure if it's the baby or something else. My doctor has reassured me that it is completely normal not to feel anything until around 20 weeks.

    I too went through IF tx with my first and this pg was a natural surprise. I also find myself worrying much more this time around than the first time around.

    I don't think it would hurt to call the ob's office and tell them your concerns - I know my ob's office says to call whenever I have any concerns. Maybe they can get you in sooner than the 15th. Try not to worry too much - easier said than done, I know.

    Take care -
    Amy
    Mommy to Sam (August 2002) and Lucy (December 2005)



  9. #8
    CAKI
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    Robin,

    You might consider renting a babybeat or some other doppler. I know that I use mine whenever I feel the slightest concern, or even just for the heck of it. Its great to be able to hear the baby's hb whenever you want or for reassurance.

    Cathy


  10. #9
    Jen213
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    Lisa - I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. From what others say - it sounds like it is completely normal. And you are in no-man's-land right now. I'm sure everything is okay & you'll start to feel your baby move soon. Be the end of your pg'cy - you'll laugh that you ever were concerned that you weren't getting bigger!

    Hang in there! Maybe you could rent a baby doppler to help reassure yourself?
    :-) Jen
    Jen213
    IVF/ICSI #1
    Fraternal TWIN BOYS Dalton & Dylan
    I can't believe my babies are 3 years old!!!!!


  11. #10
    Fayettc
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    I agree with Jen and Cathy, I got a baby beat for my pg now to reassure myself. I dont feel very pg after my last pg was twins. I do not feel a ton of movement yet either, so the baby beat is great. I rented on a month to month basis. Just a thought to help you reassure yourself.

    Faye
    First came Love, then came marriage DH '97
    then came years of ttc, then came:
    Ian 2/6/01
    Shannon/Allison 12/29/03
    Sean 1/10/06 - our natural miracle


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