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Feeling negative and sad.

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  1. #1
    Melissa JW
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    Feeling negative and sad.

    This is my first week on clomid and I feel awful. I am so sad today. I was dizzy at work, I am thirsty, and want to eat chocloate 24-7. I expected NO side effects, so this is hard. I feel so negative about my IUI next week. I know it is my first, but I just dont want to have the 2ww afterwards, to then discover that my good old buddy AF comes to visit. It has been hard enough ttc naturally for almost 2 years. This just sucks, and I dont feel like anyone gets it. Dh is clueless today. Bad day to be clueless.


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  3. #2
    Fran27
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    /hug

    It's just the same for me. I wonder sometimes if reading all the forums didn't jinx it and made me start negative when I should be happy of finally doing something about it! Today has been bad, it's my 6th day of injections and I just felt like killing someone... I had no patience at all with my dog when he was playing instead of pooping outside and I was freezing waiting for him, I felt just angry... dh said I was unbearable last Saturday... I know it must be the meds but it's not fun!

    I haven't had many side effects otherwise though... My period lasted 3 days longer than usual, and was pretty strong for all that time instead of the usual 3 days (it sucked), but that's about it... Well yesterday I felt like eating anything, today I don't have much appetite at all... And I always feel like crying for no reason but I guess it's been like this even since we found out our IF problems anyway...

    I don't even know if I will stress much during the 2ww as I am so convinced it's not going to work anyway. I keep freaking out about running out of money and to see everything unsuccesful... On the other forum, people say that being positive seems to make a difference, but I wonder how people do that!

    In any case, thanks for doing this thread, it's great to be able to vent and to know that at least one person understands what I'm going through...

    In any case, I wish you the best!

    Fran


  4. #3
    ginnylynne
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    HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!! To both you guys!! All of this stuff is incredibly hard and its a wonder that all of us at some point dont just go screaming off into the night!! The 2 ww sucks, meds suck, having to deal with any of it sucks! I am only on progesterone and that's making me feel yucky so I cant imagine being on clomid, injectibles, etc. We just need to remember that we're doing all these things for the sake of having a beautiful baby one day and really, wouldnt you do anything for your kids??Its better to look at it that way and remember tomorrow is another day to feel a little better than today....


  5. #4
    Melissa JW
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    Fran,
    Hug back to ya. Thos injectibles must be terrible. I hear they are much worse than the pills. I am so sorry about how you feel. I did the same thing with one of my dogs (gracie) a few minutes ago, she wanted me to play with her and her little stuffed pig and I just told her to go away. She was sad and it made me feel even worse. For now, my three dogs are my kids. It is nice to know that someon else is going through this. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully our dhs can make it through all our hormomal tribulations. Here's hoping--baby wishes!

    Ginnylynne,
    thanks for the words. you are right. I shook my head in agreement as I was reading what you read. I guess we have to keep the goal in sight. Thanks again.


  6. #5
    Nan75
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    Hi girls,
    Hugs all around too. I think its really natural to feel negative about the cycle. I think it helps us to prepare ourselves if it doesn't work. I'm finding it really hard to be positive too. But let's not underestimate the role that the extra hormones play in all this....they can make us crazy, on top of this already difficult situation we are living with.

    Melissa, I'm sorry you feel so sad. I'm right there with ya...I think the progesterone supplements are doing a number on me. I have my first beta test tomorrow and I'm a wreck. I'm crying at the drop of a hat. I just *know* its going to be negative. I keep wondering why I'm so negative and wonder if the negativity itself is hurting my chances.

    But, we will get through this. Infertility does not live forever, and someway or another, we will all find happy endings. They may not come WHEN we want them or how we think they will happen, but this will be resolved for all of us. Just try and tell yourself that this is only temporary.....Its what helps me through my toughest days.
    Big hugs to you all.

    Love, Nan


  7. #6
    Hope2005
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    I'm so sorry Melissa. We all know what you're going through so you're definately not alone. Like Ginny said, try to remember that it will all be worth it in the end. It may not happen this month but it WILL happen for us all. We have to believe that.

    About dh, men just don't understand how hormones effect us. Try to be explain to him that what you are going through is normal and you need him to be patient and understanding with you.

    I hope you feel better soon.


  8. #7
    bluerug23
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    Hi Melissa,
    I'm so sorry-

    I'm did injections and fared okay for the most part emotionally - I had more physical tenderness and pain in the abdomen than I expected. However, I must say this last week of the 2ww has been tough for me mentally. I am having a tough time staying positive, also. I want so badly to believe it can happen yet I'm afraid of getting my hopes up too high. Last night my dog, Abby, didn't seem too interested in playing or much of anything -- except staring at me, which was driving me bonkers! Then 3:30am this morning our cat decided it was time for everyone to get up..... CALGON!!!! lol

    Nan, you couldn't have said it better. I keep trying to redirect my thoughts to be more positive and to rely on my faith that this will all work out in good time for each of us. We can do this!

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are feeling better!


  9. #8
    China2007
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    Clomid absolutely sucks!!!!!

    So sorry you are feeling this way. Dh's don't help do they?

    It will pass. Slowly but it will pass. As far as the 2ww goes. You eventually get sort of used to it. I have done many many tx cycles and now while I am on the bench I am actually missing the whole process a bit. Part of it has to do with we have NO chance of a rest cycle baby so I miss actually having a chance.

    Be good to yourself and try to concentrate on other things sometimes.

    Big hugs all around. Come here we are all going through the same thing.

    Beth
    ttc #2 on the bench until the thaw
    B
    Dd 6 yo
    Dd LID April 19/06
    Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
    http://addingaptothepod.blogspot.com/


  10. #9
    Melissa JW
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    You guys are all so great. Thanks for your support. I am so emotional. While I was getting ready this morning, I actually started crying about a story I was listening to on NPR. How pathetic is that? Poor dh - he doesnt know WHAT to do. He is trying to be supportive. But when I come home, after feeling like crap all day, and see him and a partner from his law firm playing his XBOX (and yes he is 39 years old), and the coffee pot is still left on from the morning, and the bacon holder that he made HIMSELF bacon in is sitting all gouped-up on the counter, and the dogs haven't been walked--it DOES NOT HELP. Normally, I would just say "hey, this is unfair, do your part," and he would. But yesterday, I of course had a breakdown, right there in the kitchen. Poor guy, poor me-boo hoo.

    Okay pity party over.

    Julia - I can't imagine doing injectibles. Do you have to give them to yourself? Is it hard? Why do they normally prescribe injectibles (is it progesterone?). Just curious. You are WAY strong!

    Thanks for letting me vent and all the nice words. You girls are great.


  11. #10
    bluerug23
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    Hi Melissa,

    I did gonal-f injections for days 2-10 of my cycle. Then did an ovidrel injection to trigger ovulation on CD11. My fiance and I went to an injection/meds class together and he actually did all but 2 of my shots for me. That made it a lot easier!! The first injection I gave myself was hard - it's just not logical to stick a 1/2 inch needle in yourself!!! It took me probably 5 minutes to do it! But the injections themselves really weren't all that bad. Surprisingly, they didn't hurt much at all.

    My Dr gave me a choice of doing Clomid or injections. He recommended the injections to take a more aggressive approach because of my age and having endometriosis. After 2 years of trying, 2 HSG's and a laparoscopy and BFN after BFN, I was ready.

    Today, it feels like the 2ww and progesterone and wondering is kicking my butt!! Reading everyone's posts makes me feel a little better.

    Your story about your dh makes me laugh. I bet all of us can relate in some form or fashion. We also have an XBOX, but he is more into playing guitar than anything. I will be 35 in Sept/ he will be 38 in March.

    OH and the chocolate... I have been craving chocolate like CRAZY!!!! I fixed one of those Betty Crocker supreme chocolate fudge desserts the other night- the ones you just pour in water, add the fudge and bake... serve it with just a bit of ice cream... OMG... how good is that?!!

    Hope you're feeling better


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