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Need Some Advise - Past Failed Adoption

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  1. #1
    bebe
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    Need Some Advise - Past Failed Adoption

    To make a long story short:

    DH and I have 3 beautiful children and our family is complete. We are blessed beyond belief.

    In July of 2002 we were blessed by the miracle of adoption with our DS.

    In May of 2004 we had to give back our second DS when his BF decided to parent after 24 hours. This failed adoption was tragic for both of us but DH is over it and I still carry scars that I am sure I will have for life.

    In April of 2005 after 4 IVF's and one DE IVF we were blessed with twin DD's.

    To Today: Feb 2007: DH's Sister is pregnant with a baby Boy. I have all the clothes, blankets, bottles, bedding, stuffed animals, car seat etc. from our failed adoption packed away in plastic boxes and stored in our basement (we bought everything new for second DS even though we had another child). DH wants to give everything to his Sister for her new baby and has already told her she can have it all. I am very upset about this and do not want to give her anything. Here is my reason: It is not that I am not a generous person because I am very generous..It is that I do not want to see her son in my lost DS's things. It will constantly remind me of our loss. I think enough about how the little boy we once called Karsten is doing and I do not want it pushed in my face when I am not expecting it.

    I would gladly buy everthing new for SIL and give her a big shower gift but I just can't part with the things we bought for Karsten.

    Note:SIL and her DH are both Lawyers so it is a not a financial issue.

    Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone understand me?

    bebe
    ME 43 DH 40, 7-02 (Domestic Adoption), 4-05 (DE #1, IVF #5),
    (M/C, Ectopic Pregnancy, Failed Adoption)
    Likes rogers841984 liked this post


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  3. #2
    Lpompey213
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    I understand how you feel. I lost my son after a failed adoption ( had him for 4 months). I am still not over it and never will be. I did find the courage to give my little cousin some of his clothes, but she lived in another state. If she was here with me I know i couldn't do it. Even some stuff I couldn't even send to her. I think if you told your SIL how you felt, she can be the one to tell her brother; you know what maybe i shouldn't take the items because think about how bebe would feel. That may be to emotional, then it won't be on you.


  4. #3
    shan1975
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    i am totally understandable with what you are going through,we had our dd for 8 months then labor day weekend while i was at work they came and took her no warning (this is family)then in dec of 06 we had a ds hudsin born 12-29-06 we had him for 6 days his bm wanted him back but she tried to get money from us...can't wait to hear back from you..


  5. #4
    Lpompey213
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    Visit a New Agency

    Today we had our first visit with a new agency. We are transfering to them as our home state agency. It seems like they are really pushing us towards foster care, but I want to be an adoptive family. We just have to see how things go. I thought out my DS the whole time. It is so hard to try and move on with our lives. He has been gone since Oct 19th, but it seems like it gets harder everyday.


  6. #5
    bdaz2001
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    bebe,

    if you still have these clothes donate them to some organization that can use them. You will not have to see them on the baby - and you will know that someone who has a baby and needs a hand will get it from you. Something good should come from your sadness.
    Beth in OH
    DH Jeff
    Waiting to bring home Jazmine and Kevin from Ecuador


  7. #6
    Mary Judd
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    I understand you but life goes on. When you give these belongings you will feel better, that does not mean you forget that child, he will always be in your mind and your heart but think that another person needs these things and you got there stored. You should think about it.


  8. #7
    rogers841984
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    My arms are empty and I long to hold a baby in them I want to adopt I want a baby/child to love and to raise I understand it won't be easy can anyone point me in the direction of private adoption I'm even interested in children that didn't work out for others who have adopted them I live here in a big house on a farm in would love to raise children out here

    Sent from my SM-G360T1 using Tapatalk


  9. #8
    rogers841984
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    Quote Originally Posted by bebe View Post
    To make a long story short:

    DH and I have 3 beautiful children and our family is complete. We are blessed beyond belief.

    In July of 2002 we were blessed by the miracle of adoption with our DS.

    In May of 2004 we had to give back our second DS when his BF decided to parent after 24 hours. This failed adoption was tragic for both of us but DH is over it and I still carry scars that I am sure I will have for life.

    In April of 2005 after 4 IVF's and one DE IVF we were blessed with twin DD's.

    To Today: Feb 2007: DH's Sister is pregnant with a baby Boy. I have all the clothes, blankets, bottles, bedding, stuffed animals, car seat etc. from our failed adoption packed away in plastic boxes and stored in our basement (we bought everything new for second DS even though we had another child). DH wants to give everything to his Sister for her new baby and has already told her she can have it all. I am very upset about this and do not want to give her anything. Here is my reason: It is not that I am not a generous person because I am very generous..It is that I do not want to see her son in my lost DS's things. It will constantly remind me of our loss. I think enough about how the little boy we once called Karsten is doing and I do not want it pushed in my face when I am not expecting it.

    I would gladly buy everthing new for SIL and give her a big shower gift but I just can't part with the things we bought for Karsten.

    Note:SIL and her DH are both Lawyers so it is a not a financial issue.

    Am I being unreasonable? Does anyone understand me?

    bebe
    Awe my heart goes out to you I totally understand.

    Sent from my SM-G360T1 using Tapatalk


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