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Please share your DE succes stories.

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  1. #51
    CrystalAZ
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    Quote Originally Posted by anniejohn View Post
    I find myself already grieving the loss of having genetically related children. Right now, it seems like such a huge loss to me. It doesn't sound like that in your story--I read of others too, who say similar things like once you have the baby you never regret it or look back, but my brother just had a baby so there's lots of talk about who my nephew looks like. I want that!
    All I can tell you is that you have to trust me when I tell you it won't matter. If DE is the way you have to go, it will work out just fine.

    You may want people talking about who your baby looks like, but in the long run that doesn't matter. That wears off real fast.

    There were lots of things I wanted regarding pregnancy, birth, and a newborn. I had a whole list. From a beautiful stress-free pregnancy to a natural birth to a chubby happy newborn. I didn't get ANY of it. And still, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn't change a thing.

    Besides, people STILL tell me Wyatt looks like me all the time, even though we aren't genetically related.

    This is one of those hindsight-is-20/20 situations. I remember being where you are, and being so full of FEAR and hopelessness and uncertainty. But life is all about uncertainty any way. There would be no guarantee that your baby would look like you if it is a bio child. Could look like some obscure great-aunt that nobody remembers.

    You gotta keep your focus on what really matters - being a mom. Don't let your fears distract you. Determine what gives you the best odds for success, follow that path with no regret, and TRUST ME when I tell you that once you get a BFP, all your fears (at least about a bio connection) go away.



    Crystal


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  3. #52
    anniejohn
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    Hey all,
    Does anyone know any research or anything about attachment and using both donor eggs and donor sperm?


  4. #53
    nalaimpala
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    Wow... its been about 8 months since I have been on these forums. Jumped on here to do some research and see this thread so I want to share my story with you.... from what I can remember....
    We had our own child 100% natural almost 11 years ago... started trying for a second child about two years after he was born... struggled for years with infertility... I tried clomid, injectables... and all the fun stuff... then found out that I had poor egg quality... who were they KIDDING? I had a son... I had great eggs... testing, testing, testing... no one in my travel distanct would take me on a IVF gaurantee programs that I had been looking into... then came across DE... was a little scared about the idea but I thought... I will look into it... it was money back garantee... so I went for it... we had a son... so we didn't have the whole not having our own feelings... IT WORKED!!!! TWINS!!! Two boys to add to my other boy... I was hoping that at least one would be a girl... even though early ultra sound showed boys... I held hope to the end... lol... both boys.. Now... I wouldn't change that for the WORLD... they are my world...
    For those of you struggling with the whole idea.... you know what... they grown in you, under your heart for nine months... you nuture them, you love them... they are YOURS!!! They even look me! We have never told anyone that we did IVF... or DE... so let me tell you the giggling we do when people say how much more they look like me then my husband... or better yet... how much they look my 11 year old son! This is short... hope you find it helpfull... have to run to bed... the little ones are in bed and I work a full time job outside of the house... so this lady is tired!
    Just want you to know... that not a minute has passed that I thought... they are not ME... I cry all the time... I am so happy and so in love with them... now we just need to talk about... if and when we tell them and our 11 year old.
    ME 33 DH 39
    3/31/2000 DS
    TTC #2 for 7 years!
    2005 DH had vs surgary
    2006 start seeing RE
    Highest FSH 25
    7 IUI’s with clomid or follistim between 07 & 08
    Two m/c's
    IFV w/ DE ~ two embies transferred on 9/20
    BFP! First Beta 9dpt 357 Second 11dpt 671
    We are having a & a !!



  5. #54
    anniejohn
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    CrystalAZ. I was trying to send you this privately, but couldn't get it to work so thought it might be okay to post it here.

    Thanks for your post about my fears. I am wondering, given that you remember how it felt to be where I am now with transitioning to donor eggs, you might be willing to talk a little more about it. At times, I feel so scared and sad; other times, I feel like, if that's what I've got to do, that's what I've got to do. But I"m afraid the sadness and fear will never dissipate. THey are very strong. Can you talk about how the process was for you?

    sorry if you actually got this multiple times...

    AJ


  6. #55
    anniejohn
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    thanks nalaimpala, it helps to hear stories like that. Still hard though, to fight the thought of not having genetic children.


  7. #56
    CrystalAZ
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    Quote Originally Posted by anniejohn View Post
    CrystalAZ. I was trying to send you this privately, but couldn't get it to work so thought it might be okay to post it here.
    I responded, but will include my response here too, in case it could help someone else...


    For me, I was terrified. I felt cornered, like this was my only option if I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth, and I was pretty mad about that. I was mad at my body for leaving me no other choices. I was mad at God. I was mad at life. I was mad at fertile women.

    I was also scared of choosing a donor, which was a very awkward and uncomfortable process. It's like going on a dating site, and choosing someone to marry based on some basic information they share about themselves, and is very stressful. But I got through it.

    And all the way up to egg retrieval was horrible. I had to hear about HER appointments instead of having my own. I had to worry about all the "what-if"s and worry if I did the right thing.

    During retrieval, I was in another room "helping" DH with his part, while she was having the procedure. Again, it was uncomfortable and awkward.

    Then an amazing thing happened. Suddenly she was out of a picture, sent on her way with a heartfelt card and endless gratitude, and the eggs were mine. At that point, all my fears and doubts disappeared. At least fears and doubts about donor eggs... of course I was still scared of the usual cycling issues: fertilization, implantation, shots, numbers, and of course whether it is going to be BFP or another BFN. But at that point, I felt comfortable with our decision, and felt I was doing the right thing.

    It is ok to be scared and sad. But I PROMISE you it will dissipate. If DE is what you need to do, make your goal to get through retrieval, and don't worry about anything beyond that. Think of that as the point where you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once you have embies, HOPE takes over and kicks the asses of SCARED and SAD.

    And of course, if it works and you get a BFP, you WILL bond with the baby inside you immediately and there will be no regrets from there. That I can promise you. Genetics have NOTHING to do with love. You may get a little twinge when a stranger asks where he gets his hair, and you know it is from HER, but you can't say that, so you say you don't know. But that in no way takes away from the overwhelming love and joy you feel. And even that twinge is mixed with such a feeling of gratefulness and thanks to her for being willing to do this for us.

    I won't say I never worry. I mean, I have chosen to be completely open with my son about his conception, and he's 3 now, so we are at the point where I need to start talking to him about it in very basic ways, and that makes me nervous, even though I truly believe that if he grows up with this knowledge, he will be much less likely to have any issues with it. And of course, I worry that someday he'll wish he could meet the woman whose genetics he shares (she isn't a BIRTHMOM, because I birthed him).

    But I will worry about all that when the time comes. My job now is to enjoy life with my son, and help guide him to be a happy person. And that's what I am doing. And we have SOOOO much fun together and I love him more than anything, and more than I could ever imagine I could love anything. You'll see.

    Let yourself feel scared and sad, and acknowledge that. It's ok to feel it all together. It's ok to say "I'm scared and sad, but if this is what I've got to do, that's what I've got to do." Take one small step at a time, and don't worry about the long path in front of you. Focus on what you have to do next, and do that, and don't let your mind travel on without you.

    I hope you are able to get yourself together and move forward. Know that your baby is out there waiting, and you have to do what you have to do to get to him/her and just start walking.



    Crystal


  8. #57
    Elsee
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    We got the results of our final failed IVF five days ago. I dreaded the thought of DE but had started the thinking and research. The whole thing made me very angry and anxious. In addition to coming to terms with my infertility, and all that goes with that, I knew that if we did DE, I'd want an open process. I was also terrified it would take more than a year to find a donor through the hospital programs. Our doctor explained more options to us and now we're loosly considering three potential donors through three different agencies. All are willing to speak and meet with us ahead of time. I'm finally not trying to make my body do something that it simply cannot do. (I stand a greater chance of becoming a world-class figure skater.) And then it also dawned on me that using younger eggs, I'm more likely to have a pregnancy that doesn't have me walking on egg shells at every micro-step. And, I might even be pregnant in three months time.

    Take all of this, and, for the first time in a very very long time, I'm not angry at the world all the time.


  9. #58
    L'eggo
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    Gave birth at 47 !!! Donor eggs are an amazing option

    At 47, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy using donor eggs. I couldn't imagine my son as any other child. He's perfect just the way he is. He looks just like my husband, but has my smile and easy nature. We got pregnant on our first cycle (single egg transfer) and I had a relatively easy pregnancy and birth(c-section). I didn't meet my husband till I was 44 and we both wanted children. We tried IUI three times and went for IVF/donor eggs when we were told it was our best option.

    My son is only five months and we just decided to try for another. I have more energy than most of my younger friends, so I'm game for taking this on. Plus, as we're older (my hubby is a couple years younger), I'd love our son to have a sibling to help navigate the world when we're gone someday. We had a number of eggs from our first cycle, so we'll try again this summer. Wish us luck!!!

    Motherhood is an amazing experience and I'm so grateful that I realized this life-long dream.
    I was in the process of adopting as a single mom when I met my husband, so I still pinch myself that I actually gave birth ( i had a horrible experience trying to adopt internationally -- my agency went out of business for fraud). I was already open to loving a child that wasn't 'genetically mine' Believe me, donor eggs are a wonderful and healthy option.

    For now, we have decided to wait to tell our friends and family about 'how' we conceived. It's really a personal choice and I'm still somewhat conflicted about 'telling/not telling" We want to tell our son first when he's old enough to understand. He looks so much like my husband that most people comment on that. I also hear -- he has your eyes, smile, nose .... sometimes I find this painful, but mostly it makes me smile as sometimes I see that too. I may share our story if I get pregnant again at age '48'. I'd love to hear how any of you shared your stories ... with family or with your child.

    Believe me, i know the pain of 'letting go' of your genetic heritage. I'm proud of my background and would have loved to pass that on ... but the end result of holding your beautiful baby is worth it. Trust me, you will have no regrets. Go for it!


  10. #59
    Candace717
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    My success story is on the side of being a donor- in college I worked with the Santa Monica Fertility center to donate my eggs and help pay tuition. Two families used the frozen eggs, and both had pregnancies. Now, ironically, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and am starting with OI, hoping that I can grow some eggs for myself! Good luck everyone.


  11. #60
    jennakins
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    I waited a long time to post my success story—I wanted to make it all the way through my pregnancy and birth before posting. This board gave me a lot of hope and information during my journey, so I feel obligated to share.
    I was diagnosed with POF. At 37, my husband and I decided to start the donor egg process. We found an anonymous donor and a RE that we really liked. My husband’s sperm tested normally prior to the procedure. The retrieval went great—23 eggs, 21 mature. However, we received a devastating phone call the next morning. We had total failed fertilization. No eggs fertilized. The doctor was out of town but called the lab and asked them to do rescue ICSI. That was not successful.
    We were hurt and angry. We partly blamed our failure on the doctor not being in town during such an important event for us. We were just looking for someone to blame. We decided to switch RE and found another one who had a very high success rate and inspired a lot of confidence in us.
    My husband’s sperm tested normally again, but because of our last experience, the doctor and we agreed that ICSI should be used for this cycle. We were so optimistic and excited.
    The retrieval went great—21 eggs—19 mature. The next morning I was so excited to get the call to find out how many fertilized using ICSI. The office called—only one had fertilized. I was shocked—I asked, “How can this be, we used ICSI??” The lab said they didn’t see ICSI indicated on the chart. ICSI was not used and we had failed fertilization (except one) again!! Words cannot express my feelings at that moment. How could a mistake be made on something so important? Not only was I devastated, I was angrier than I’d ever been in my life. The time, money, emotions, hope—everything we had put into this and some idiot had made such a critical mistake.

    The doctor called us and took responsibility for everything—that didn’t matter to me. However, it now looked like there were two eggs that fertilized and he wanted to do a day three transfer. It was a long shot, but he said that we might get lucky. These two embryos were slow growing. On day three one was a five-cell and one was a three-cell. Not what they look for typically for a transfer but it was all we had.
    The happy and miraculous ending to my emotional journey is one of those little long-shot embryos grew into the baby boy we just had 6 weeks ago. He is everything I hoped for—our little dream come true. We couldn’t be happier and now feel like things happened exactly as they were meant to.


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