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Question for all the loss moms here

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  1. #1
    RobinL
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    Question for all the loss moms here

    I've wondered this for a long time, but I wasn't sure if I should ask. We seem to have a lot of loss moms here now and I'm feeling bold this week! Were you always planning to bf, or did your experience as a loss mom affect your decision to nurse?

    I was very undecided when I was pg with the twins. I signed up for a bf class just to find out about it, but I missed it when I was hospitalized. After Chloe died, Duncan was still in the nicu and the nurses and doctors all pressured me big time to pump. I didn't have the slightest interest in bf at that point, but on day 3 or 4 I did finally pump. I continued to pump and I went on to bf. It was just awful for months, but I was determined to do anything and everything in my power to help my son. We went on to bf for 36 months, something I don't think I ever would have done if he hadn't be a surviving twin.

    After all that, there was no question in my mind that I would bf Sophie.

    Sometimes I wonder if loss moms are more apt to use formula, thinking that with all they'd been through, they just want to avoid the hassles of bf and relax and enjoy their baby. (not saying bf is a hassle but it is often portrayed that way). There seem to be a lot of loss moms here now, but for a long time, I felt like the only one here.

    So anyway, I'm just curious and have been for awhile.
    Robin
    Duncan (surviving twin)--15yrs.
    Chloe Rose (angel twin)
    Sophie--11yrs


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  3. #2
    StaceyTX
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    I have always wanted to breastfeed. My mom didn't. My sister didn't. A friend of mine while growing up taught me about breastfeeding. She was a couple of years older than me and she and I would nurse our baby dolls when we played house. I'm embarrassed to say, but I was probably 13 years old and still playing house.

    Not being about to breastfeed Lily is one of my biggest regrets, failures, heartbreak moments (whatever word you want to use). Every now and then I wonder if had I carried her to full term if she'd been alive and would have been able to suckle at my breast...if only once. Now I'll never know.

    Lily is probably the sole reason why I stuck with b/fing Kyler in the beginning. I did it for her!

    Now I love breastfeeding and will miss it when Kaden is weaned.
    Born in Heaven 12/5/01
    9 years old
    7years old
    4 years old

    "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away" - unknown


  4. #3
    momto3angels
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    I have always wanted to bf.

    When I was pg with Hannah, Ryan and Abby, I met with a lc who specializes in bf-ing multiples I know bf triplets would have been very difficult, but I also know women who have done it. I felt really strongly about it and was ready to do whatever I could.

    With Joey, I knew I wanted to bf but I also know that as a loss mom I was at a higher risk for PPD and other post-partum complications, so I didn't put any pressure on myself. I just said "I"m going to give it a shot and see what happens". Less than 30 minutes after he was born, he had latched on and we have had very few bumps in the road since.

    I love nursing and have never thought of it as a hassle. I sometimes miss the night nursing sessions~the way his lips would pucker when he would "pop off" and how he would nestle into my chest and fall alseep...
    April
    Mom to angels: Hannah, Ryan and Abby. 10/24-10/28/03.
    Earth Angels: Joey b 5/08/05 and Laura b 5/26/07
    ==
    A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment, Its glory and beauty belong to our world…But then it flies on again, And though we wish it could have stayed, We feel so lucky to have seen it.


  5. #4
    Crystal
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    You know I didn't really think about it with Hannah at all. Of course I found out at 5 months that she was probably going to die and after that my mind was more focused on getting her here alive then what I was going to feed her when she got here.. We all know how that turned out.. that being said my best friend at the time had a little girl 17 days before I had Hannah and she bf hers and told me how it was the best thing for babies, and talked about the bond she felt.. and I decided that if I ever had another one, I was bf.. so when Lane came along I bf him.. but then I got sick.. and couldn't shake it.. and for my health and his I had to quit at 6 weeks.. and I remember just crying. I was devastated because I couldn't do it for longer.. I thought I was doing him some "injustice" by not being able to bf longer.. and I missed that little extra quiet snuggle time.. this time I've really taken better care of myself and not gotten as sick and I'm going to do my best to bf Steven for as long as possible. i know some ppl do think it's a hassle and have a hard time sticking with it but bfing is a beautiful, wonderful thing and I LOVE it..I'm going to do it as long as possible.. I don't guess I really answered your question did I? lol
    Crystal


  6. #5
    MyFabFour
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    I had never given a thought to b/f until I actually got pregnant. Even though I was the only one until that time to b/f, I decided I was going to b/f. I read up on it while pg with Madison and then began attending LLL meetings sometime after she was born. I probably would have gone beforehand except I was on bedrest which is also why I didn't attend the birthing/b/f classes.

    I went home from the hospital finger feeding my baby formula and what little expressed milk I could get as it took almost a week for my milk to come in. It took about two weeks to get her on the breast. It was a nightmare but it worked and we had a long and wonderful b/f relationship.

    I had a loss between the girls but I was determined to b/f Mia as well. The experience started out much more positive and we're still going strong.

    For me it seemed to be a fact of getting pg was so hard-won and I wanted to the very best of everything I could for my baby. To me that meant b/f. I couldn't go to hell and back to try and get pregnant only to feed her chemcials. In hindsight I'm glad we succeeded though I think I would have adjusted okay if we hadn't. Thank goodness for an awesome LC.


  7. #6
    sarahp
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    to all the loss moms....i think you are all so brave and courageous, and my heart goes out to you! i can not imagine going thru what you have gone thru and being so positive. 's all around.
    Sarah (32) & Bobby (32)
    Cami ~ 6yrs old
    Adam ~ 4yrs old


  8. #7
    Tricia_oz
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    I always planned to b/feed but I don't think I gave it a lot of thought until I was pg. When we found out we were having triplets I still planned to give b/feeding a go even though I knew we would probably have to supplement. After my loss I was even more determined to b/feed if I ever got pg again. I think it was partly connected to feeling like my body was such a failure - couldn't get pg, incompetent cervix & then not being able to give birth vaginally (because of an abdominal cerclage). I felt like b/feeding was something I could give my children & I was determined to try my hardest at it. Luckily Cadell was a good feeder & I fed him for 15.5 months - would have gone longer except I was pg again. I always planned to b/feed Edan & so far it is going well (he is 4wks today). Hope to feed for at least 12 months, maybe longer as he is most likely our last child.

    I love b/feeding, love the closeness of it & the feeling that my body can do this for my babies. I don't find it a hassle but I have been lucky to have enthusiastic nursers!

    Tricia
    mummy to:
    Declan, Imogen & Madeline, b/d 3rd. December, 2000 @ 23 wks
    C b. 2003
    E b. 2005


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