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What did I do to deserve this?

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  1. #1
    HOPINGFORA+
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    What did I do to deserve this?

    This is a question constantly on my mind. I don't understand what i did wrong to deserve to have IF. It completely drives me insane that there teenagers out there becoming mothers and I am crumbling from the inside out!

    I have 5 nephews and a niece, who I love more than words can describe but I can't help but sit and look at them and long for children of my own. It's so hard to see them grow up and have birthdays every year and every year I still have not conceived. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!

    I figured I would have problems conceiving because it took my older sister a few years to conceive, but my younger sister got pregnant her first month trying. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me, I love my niece and nephews soooo much! I just can't help but feel jealous.

    My "best friend" (long story but we don't talk much anymore) got pregnant at 22 and gave her baby up for adoption, which is fine, it was what was better for the little girl (I understand that now), I just don't see why she was allowed to conceive knowing she would be given up for adoption, when there are people out there TTC for years!!

    This may be an awful question, and I'm sorry if it is but It's how I feel...Does anyone else feel mad at God?


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  3. #2
    HelpAtFertilityAuthority
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    Hi Hoping,

    Everything you are describing is normal. We have all had those feelings before. Some of us do question why God or whatever higher power would allow this to happen to us. But I think only the strongest people go through infertility. If anything, you are learning the ropes so you can help someone else in your situation down the road. It is hard to see that now, but with 1 in 6 couples (studies are now showing 1 in 6 instead of 1 in 8!!!) diagnosed with infertility, there is bound to be another person you will cross paths with and be able to give advice and a shoulder to cry on.

    I know how you feel about having nephews and nieces. I had one niece during the time my husband and I were trying to conceive. It was really hard for me because at the time, no one knew we were going through infertility. I love my niece so much, but every day I saw her, I felt jealous that I didn't have a baby. I was fortunate to find a really great fertility doctor, Dr. Michael Bohrer at RMA NJ, and ***success mentioned**** conceived my twins via IVF. ****end mention*****

    This will happen for you too! Who is your fertility doctor? How long have you been cycling with him/her? Maybe it is time for a second opinion to get that take-home baby sooner than later?

    Thinking of you, hon!

    Kim


  4. #3
    HOPINGFORA+
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    Thanks Kim...I know I probably sounded like a baby in my first thread but I had to vent.

    We started seeing Dr. Mitwally around this time last year and went through 3 cycles, each time I got BFN's...the stress and anxiety was making me crazy, to the point I was sick, so we decided to wait awhile to go back to see him (we kept trying on our own). I have an appointment with him at the end of February, and we plan on picking up treatments again.


  5. #4
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    Hoping,

    You definitely did NOT sound like a baby! I've been there! When you say 3 cycles, do you mean you did 3 IUIs or 3 IVFs? The rule of thumb is to move on after 3 cycles, so if you did 3 IUIs without success, time to do IVF. If you did 3 IVFs, I'd switch doctors.

    Hey, shoot me an email kim@fertilityauthority.com if you're interested in a second opinion. We have many reputable doctors in our network and can connect you with a doctor based on your diagnosis, location, and any concerns you may have. My colleague, Arlene, is in your area and I'm sure she'd know the perfect match for you!

    Kim


  6. #5
    HOPINGFORA+
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    I think I was confused...when I say cycles I meant months...I went and saw him once a week over the course of my cycle. he gave me meds to start my period (i'm super irregular, like I only have one like every 6-7 months) he checked to see where my eggs were, and which days would be my O days. We have not tried any IUI or IVF yet...sorry for the misunderstanding. Like I said the months we went in and weren't successful, it crushed me and I couldn't handle the stress, so we decided to take some time away from the Dr. and just try on our own some more (hubby's idea-I think he was just super worried about me and how I would react if i got another -) I really do like this specialist, he is very thorough and he makes sure you understand what's next in the plan. I want to give him another shot but if he's not successful in a few months, I will get back with you guys to help me find another one! Thanks so much!!


  7. #6
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    I know it can be super stressful to go through infertility treatment. Perhaps you can try charting your Basal Body Temperature to see if you are ovulating? If you have irregular cycles, you could have a condition like PCOS. Charting your temperature will give you some insight into this. Best of luck!

    Kim


  8. #7
    HOPINGFORA+
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    Yea, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and an underactive thyroid. I am currently on medication for both of these issues, I also need to go get an endometriosis test done. I think I have that as well...I have a few of the symptoms and it runs in my family. I just feel with these things going against me the odds aren't great for us to conceive.


  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOPINGFORA+ View Post
    Yea, I have been diagnosed with PCOS and an underactive thyroid. I am currently on medication for both of these issues, I also need to go get an endometriosis test done. I think I have that as well...I have a few of the symptoms and it runs in my family. I just feel with these things going against me the odds aren't great for us to conceive.
    Hoping,
    I hear you! I felt very down during my failed cycles and was afraid I would never have a family. I promise you, the best thing you can do is find a great fertility doctor! I'd be happy to help you with that. My best friend has endometriosis and she was scared (I don't blame her). She was so afraid to go to a fertility doctor and when she did, her experience was awful. I found a great doctor for her in PA, Dr. Michael Glassner at Main Line Fertility, and she couldn't be more thrilled with the hand-holding, the professionalism, the overall experience with the clinic.

    Send me an email kim@fertilityauthority.com and we can get you set up for a consultation. I am saying this from one woman to another who has gone through infertility-- it is the BEST thing you can do for yourself. You don't realize how many great options are out there...and what you were missing...until you find the right doctor for you

    Kim


  10. #9
    JesK
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    I know this post is old, but I TOTALLY understand.
    =/

    This is a very hard path!


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