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My Best Friend's Reaction...very long!

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  1. #1
    flea
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    My Best Friend's Reaction...very long!

    I have a best friend who goes into the perfect category. She is pretty, has a handsome husband, makes a very good salary, has a great body, great style, always positive and happy and smiling, etc.

    She was the little girl who dreamed of the perfect life to escape her not-so-perfect childhood. She fantasized about her wedding and bought Bridal magazines for ideas since she was a teenager. That's a long time when you consider that she didn't get married until she was 32! And she asked him and bought the ring!

    We were college roommates and lived together until 9 years ago when Brian and I moved in together. She thought it would be so much fun to be pregnant together so she waited until we were married a year after her. The first month she tried, she got pregnant and had her son.

    After unsuccessful IVF's, she asked when we'd be "trying" again so that hopefully we could be pregnant at the same time. This was definitely a contest I did NOT want to sign up for! Long story short...she is 5 weeks ahead of me. I found this out when I finally called to share some good news. I wasn't jealous of her first pregnancy and now I was happy that we could go through this together!

    She found out that she was having another boy and let me know how "disappointed" she was. She wanted the perfect world - which in her mind was a boy and a girl. To me, I couldn't understand HOW anyone could be disappointed. This very well be our last chance (no frozen tots and old eggs) so disappointment is not in my vocabulary.

    I called her last night and she asked me if I found out the sex. When I told her it's a girl, her response was "I knew you'd get the girl!!!"

    GET the girl??? The way I had to GET the girl wasn’t so pleasant. And considering that it’s A) Brian’s sperm that decides and B) an Embryologist played God and hand-picked the single sperm to inject into the egg!!!!!

    Go figure! I know she's wishing that she was having a girl, but I was hoping for a different reaction. I don't know why, but it seems like no one is ever happy for me...

    Well...not no one...at least you guys are happy for me! Thank you for listening! I'm not meaning this to be a pity party...I was just shocked at the reaction!
    Me ~ 41 DH ~ 38
    English Bulldog ~ Sparky ~ 11
    IVF/ICSI Born 08/05 Delaney AKA Laney Girl
    AHM's ~ Love you! Mean it!!


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  3. #2
    LACEE
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    Sometimes people are that way. They are used to getting what they want and when they aren't given the "perfect" family they feel deprived. If only they knew how hard it has been for us to even have a family at all! Just know that we are very happy for you and know that you'll be a great mom to you little girl!
    Lacee -Me 32 Him 36- (3/25/1995)
    **ttc#2 for nearly 4 years**
    * Nolan Clifford- 8/6/2000 (5 1/2 years old)
    * Rebecca Christine b. 8/4/2005
    I my AHM's!!


  4. #3
    tanjalalie
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    Oh Flea.....
    The downside to leading the Perfectly Charmed Life is that it doesn't give a woman much opportunity to have to mature and develop some good empathy and insights.

    It may be the case for your friend. I hope her maturing will happen in manageable stages and not in one sudden horrible, huge, life-impacting blow.

    In the meantime, hey! Maybe she will have a third, and it may be a girl! And if not, she can help shop for yours and enjoy yours, vicariously
    You just enjoy your girl, Flea. Ten fingers and toes and all their organs functioning and such.... You worked plenty hard for your daughter

    BIG ol'

    Tanja
    Me: 42, DH, Avi: 29. Three
    IVF #2 12/04: Twins. Twin B at 11 weeks, 2 days
    Twin A: Quinlan Nathaniel, 6lbs, 10 oz. , born 08-29-2005 Proud to be AHM!
    Natural miracle Kian Yehuda to be delivered by C-Section on 2-16-2007



  5. #4
    LynnUS
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    Oh Flea I'm sorry your friend has got you a little down.
    The others have put it perfectly, many people do not have the
    "perspective" that those of us that have weathered hardship do. Whatever those hardships may be. Somewhere down the road maybe they'll gain it and lead a richer, more grateful life.
    But please don't let her shallow comment diminish your joy in any way. I just watched the Oprah "O Baby" baby shower and balled through most of it.
    Maybe it's the post traumatic stress of ttc for so long but I finally began to realize that after being on this painful road for so long Could I actually be having another miracle child?? Overwhelming to say the least.

    And of course we are all among the happiest people in the world for you, DH and your darling daughter!

    Lynn
    9yrs ttc#1 "unexplained"
    3 first tri angels
    Gordon Edward b/d 8/20/92 at 22 wks
    Madeleine, 3-1/2
    dx: immune issues
    3 yrs ttc#2
    4 more first tri angels
    currently pg on a natural cycle w/immune meds
    cerclage placed 1/31
    IT'S A GIRL!
    JAK, 7/28/05
    MAK, 6/25/01


  6. #5
    KristiL
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    (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    Your "perfect" friend obviously had a "perfect" natural conception also. She's never endured the pain of infertility, therefore, she doesn't understand that any baby is a blessing and a miracle, no matter what it's gender.

    If she brings it up again, remind her of all you've endured to achieve this pregnancy. A baby is a baby afterall and that's all you ever wanted. Remind her this may be your only chance to have a baby -- hopefully she'll be blessed with another pregnancy and "get the girl" she really wants.
    Kristi
    Mommy to
    Kyler - 4!!!
    Kaden - 2!!!
    Shayleigh Kateri - 7/31/05


  7. #6
    flicka7
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    I understand how you might think that her life is perfect, but obviously it's not. She is NOT completely happy with what she has. The grass is never greener in your friend's yard even though it might seem that way.
    Me & DH, 47
    POF, 6 IVF's, 2 m/c, finally successful with DE
    5, twins & 3.5


  8. #7
    babyluv
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    Hey flea-

    Here's an excerpt from an email i wrote last night to a friend who is going thru some difficulties........

    .....'A lot of heartache and pain has been required but suffering does produce things we never expect. I hate that I had to go through the pain of infertility (it seems so ironic to say we had "infertility" when we are about to have our third!!), but I would not trade the empathy and the compassion and the insight into suffering I have gained thru that, and I know that I am a "better" person for it. "


    You, too are a better person for having endured what you have to get where you are......you will be a stronger person and have an appreciation your "perfect friend" may find eluding her forever.

    And, just to be catty, you DESERVED to "get the girl"..........heee heee! Too bad you couldn't say, (sigh)- "Yes, I knew I would!!!"

    It's fun to imagine it at least!!

    ENJOY!!!

    (I got the girl in our extended family too, everyone else has boys on dh's side and my SIL is very much the "perfect" type too!!)

    babyluv
    babyluv
    #3-It's a Boy! EDC 8/26/05
    Breech- Sch c/s 8/15/05
    Oops, didn't make it!
    Thomas James, b 8/3/05


  9. #8
    punky
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    You are **** right girl, we are sooo happy for you and can appreciate what you've been through to get your girl...or your child. I know you would've been just as thrilled to have a boy.

    It's dissapointing that someone could be dissapointed in having a second boy. I would be thrilled with two healthy children, regardless. I would be happy with one healthy child. I hope she has a healthy beautiful boy and realized what an unbelievable gift he is!!

    I understand your feelings...I have some of those girls in my life too! My opinion is that your life is much more perfect!!





  10. #9
    flea
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    Thanks guys! I'm not too upset because I almost predicted her reaction...it just makes me shrug and say "Typical..."

    I am very lucky - as we all are - and I appreciate the fact that I can write to you guys about anything and you don't judge!

    Babyluv - I don't know who you were writing to...but it was absolutely beautiful and eloquent..and they are lucky to have you as a friend. Thank you for sharing your insight!

    Love yous
    Me ~ 41 DH ~ 38
    English Bulldog ~ Sparky ~ 11
    IVF/ICSI Born 08/05 Delaney AKA Laney Girl
    AHM's ~ Love you! Mean it!!


  11. #10
    sarahp
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    flea...
    i agree that your friend's 'perfect' life isn't so perfect if she's disappointed in the life of her child just b/c of the sex of the baby. i almost feel sorry for her.....she should be pleased to be having a healthy child, no matter the sex.
    you're **** right that we're happy for you! we're there with you right along for the whole ride!

    sarah
    Sarah (32) & Bobby (32)
    Cami ~ 6yrs old
    Adam ~ 4yrs old


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