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When to get started?
Many adoptive parents approach adoption
with a history of infertility or pregnancy loss. The decision making
process often begins in the midst of treatment. You need to
determine when "enough is enough" and to consider ending treatment
after one or two or.....more cycles? Similarly, those who suffer
repeated pregnancy losses may attempt to put a limit on the number
of losses they are mentally and physically able to
endure.
The high costs of infertility treatment
and of adoption force some to look carefully at how many additional
treatment cycles they can afford and still have the resources for
adoption. Some people end treatment because adoption is "a sure bet"
and pregnancy is not. Some reach a point when their physician tells
them that continuing treatment is pointless. Although this is
difficult - if not devastating to hear, it does help people gain
some closure and feel more prepared to embrace the idea of
adoption.
Adoption is a decision that couples must
make together. It is rare, however, that a couple that arrives at
the decision simultaneously. Most often, one person is ready to
adopt long before the other. Patience, understanding and open
discussions help people arrive at the same place. Only when you are
both there, and it may take a long time to feel this way, you can
feel prepared to move forward.
What are the benefits
of adopting domestically?
- By definition, domestic adoption
occurs within this country. If you adopt domestically, you don't
need to worry about the immigration, the political climate in the
source country, or the challenges and expense of international
travel.
- Although you will have a
different heritage from their child, being American-born will be
part of your "shared fate."
- When an adoption occurs in this
country, there is often the opportunity to have a great deal of
information about the birthfamily. This is less likely, although
not impossible with international adoption.
- Prospective parents who want to
have some contact with their child's birthparents will seek
domestic adoption. There
are some domestic adoptions which do
not involve meeting or talking with the birthparents, but there
are few international adoptions that do offer these
features.
- Extensive
medical information is often available with domestic adoption.
This information is usually less accessible in
international
adoption. In addition, there are certain health problems, such as
Hepatitis B infection, that are more common in international than
in domestic adoptions.
- Those who wish to adopt a newborn baby may choose
domestic adoption. Although there are some adoptions of three and
four month olds, most children adopted internationally are six
months of age or older.
What are the benefits
of adopting internationally?
- Faced with the losses of
infertility, some families are receptive to doing something
different; to have a multicultural family.
- Some prospective adoptive
parents are frightened by "horror stories" they have read in the
media, and want to put distance between themselves and the
birthparents. Some are uncomfortable with openness in
adoption, they feel that they will be more secure and comfortable
knowing that the birthfamily is very far away. It is
important, however, to remember that the adoption "horror
stories" are very few and far between. It's these stories that the media reports,
and not all the happy ending stories.
- Some families have a special
feeling for another country or culture. They may have some
heritage of their own from that nation. In considering
adoption, it feels natural to them to turn to a land for which
they have such affection. Others may have a curiosity about and
fascination with a particular country and turn to it for that
reason.
- Prospective adoptive parents who have
a strong gender preference will often turn to international
adoption because gender preference can often be accommodated.
What is a
homestudy?
A homestudy is required for every type of
adoption. It is a process used to review the lives of
prospective adoptive parents in the form of written
reports, compiled by a licensed social worker. Following
are some tips to help you prepare for your homestudy;
- Prepare for a series of visits
in your home and/or at the social worker's office.
- Be prepared for separate
interviews if you have a spouse or partner. You will be
interviewed together, but also individually.
- Prepare for several visits, and
the visit to your home may last anywhere from two to four
hours.
- Advise family members and
significant people in your lives that they maybe included in the
interview process.
- You will be asked to prepare an
autobiographical statement... your life story in a nutshell. Your
social worker will have guidelines of the information to
include.
- You will need to visit your
family physician (and possibly your infertility specialist if this
applies) for a health statement.
- Make sure you
have access to documents relating to your financial stability,
insurance coverage, and employment. These should include
verification of income, debt, and other financial
dealings.
- Many states require criminal
background checks. Learn where fingerprinting is done in your
community, and expect to be asked to complete forms that will be
sent to various agencies for child abuse and/or criminal records
checks.
- Prepare copies of your personal
legal documents such as your birth certificate and divorce decree
(if applicable).
- Your home does not need to be
spotless - the home visit this won't be a white-glove inspection!
Normal cleanliness will, of course, be observed and noted.
- You are not expected to be
perfect. Try to remain calm through the
process. Your social worker will be looking for your
preparedness and willingness to be a parent.
What are the "Types" of
Adoption?
- Agency Adoptions
(permissible in many States)
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Through a local public agency
- Through
licensed private agencies (includes both domestic and intercountry
programs)
- Independent
Adoptions
- Identified
adoptions (allowed in most States)
- Using
attorneys or other intermediaries defined by State
law
- Using adoption facilitators
(allowed in only a few States)
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