Optimism vs. Pessimism... Pessimism is winning!!

islandgirl · 05-03-2006, 06:10 PM

Hello,

I'm new to the board today. Briefly, my story is that about two years ago I went off BCP and it took me a whole year to get my cycles going again. I did three rounds of Clomid that seemed to kick start my cycles, but all BFNs. Since August, I've been O'ing fairly regularly on my own (30-40 day cycles), and doing everything I can think of to get a BFP, no luck. I'm doing acupuncture, herbs, yoga, fertility monitors etc. OBGYN seems to think everything is okay - ie. ultrasound, bloodtests, SA is good, but I'm now scheduled for a "dye test" and I have my first appointment with an RE in a couple weeks.

I am feeling lonely (being so anxious and worried all the time is a lonely activity) and completely freaked out that I will never be a mom, which is the one thing in life that I was sure I wanted to be. DH is supportive, but.... well, he believes in fate (ie. everything "works out"), so my heartache and misery is hard for him to understand. I'd rather be like him... and just "go with the flow", but I just can seem to get to that.

I realize that I need to do something to get a grip on my emotions - I wake up worrying, I have a constricted feeling in my chest a lot, I'm on the verge of tears almost all the time (like right now)...

Any one out there with good coping strategies, mantras, on line support buddies, etc? I swear these past two years have been the two most challenging years of my life and I know there are a lot of people in the same boat in terms of feelings, I just haven't found them yet!

JL.

nic@nyc · 05-03-2006, 07:54 PM

No coping strategies - sorry

But...you are definitely not alone. Just try to keep going - It sounds like you are just starting on your journey - try to look at it as a beginning. Once you start on meds your opprtunity to become a mom and fulfill your dream will only increase.

Familyof2 · 05-04-2006, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by islandgirl

I swear these past two years have been the two most challenging years of my life and I know there are a lot of people in the same boat in terms of feelings, I just haven't found them yet!

You have found them now. This is a great place to find support. FT is the only healthy coping mechanism I have found thus far (been ttc #1 for 20 very long months). The ladies here are also the only people who understand my crazy feelings and thoughts. Welcome to the family, islandgirl!

islandgirl · 05-04-2006, 08:51 PM

Thanks for the responses. Strategies I've used and have worked to some extent to deal with my feelings:

- going for bike ride
- watching a good trashy TV show
- reading a novel like Da Vinci Code
- snuggling with my cats
- PURPOSELY NOT checking what cycle day it is

?? Any other ideas out there. I'm having a better day today than yesterday. I'm glad to know there's a community of us to share / vent!

JL

Familyof2 · 05-04-2006, 09:17 PM

I don't know if these are coping strategies or not, but this is what I do to keep my mind otherwise occupied:

- reading
- watching movies or tv
- scrapbooking
- painting/decorating the house (house is looking awesome!)
- inventing chores for DH to do around the house so we can sell it!

Daviso · 05-04-2006, 09:40 PM

Things that help me cope...

1) Time: When I'm really down, there usually isn't anything that brings me back out but time. I've been through this for many years, so I try to remind myself that things do get brighter. I almost envision a long road with tunnels on it. I go through a dark spot, then I come out of it. I travel down the road and hit another tunnel/dark spot and travel through it for awhile, and then I come out of that one, etc. It helps me to realize that there are bright spots to look forward to.

2) DH: I throw myself into my relationship with my dh. When it gets really tuff, we cling together tighter. He and our relationship is everything to me, and it brings me comfort just to concentrate on each other. He makes me feel like things are going to turn out just fine - regardless of what happens/doesn't happen. I try to turn the focus off of IF and onto us.

3) Friends/Family: Another thing I do is surround myself with people that I know care for me and are sensitive towards my situation. I know they are there to listen and to help me. They give me a shoulder to cry on, they make me laugh, or they just listen... whatever I need.

4) FT: I come to FT forums.

5) Bigger things than my IF taking place in the world: I remind myself that although my IF is sad, there are people in the world that have it much worse than I do. There are people going through and living in unspeakable situations. Besides the IF aspect of my life, I have a wonderful, blessed life.

6) God: Last, but certainly not least, I rely on God to help me through. I don't understand everything (and I'm often angry with Him), but when it comes down to it, that is where my hope resides. For me, I would've never made it this far without prayers and my belief that in the end - things will work out for the best (regardless of what answer I'm given.)

Sometimes, it seems like nothing will help me through the pain, but I just trudge through it and hope that I can take one day at a time and get through it.

Just some things that often help me... Hope it helps.

because · 08-10-2006, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by islandgirl

Hello,

I'm new to the board today. Briefly, my story is that about two years ago I went off BCP and it took me a whole year to get my cycles going again. I did three rounds of Clomid that seemed to kick start my cycles, but all BFNs. Since August, I've been O'ing fairly regularly on my own (30-40 day cycles), and doing everything I can think of to get a BFP, no luck. I'm doing acupuncture, herbs, yoga, fertility monitors etc. OBGYN seems to think everything is okay - ie. ultrasound, bloodtests, SA is good, but I'm now scheduled for a "dye test" and I have my first appointment with an RE in a couple weeks.

I am feeling lonely (being so anxious and worried all the time is a lonely activity) and completely freaked out that I will never be a mom, which is the one thing in life that I was sure I wanted to be. DH is supportive, but.... well, he believes in fate (ie. everything "works out"), so my heartache and misery is hard for him to understand. I'd rather be like him... and just "go with the flow", but I just can seem to get to that.

I realize that I need to do something to get a grip on my emotions - I wake up worrying, I have a constricted feeling in my chest a lot, I'm on the verge of tears almost all the time (like right now)...

Any one out there with good coping strategies, mantras, on line support buddies, etc? I swear these past two years have been the two most challenging years of my life and I know there are a lot of people in the same boat in terms of feelings, I just haven't found them yet!

JL.

hello islandgirl. U out there?
How are things going with you?
did u get to see the re? I believe from my readings it is said that
an obgyn can take u on and on. (not knowing when to release you)Sometimes it is better to switch just like that and see a what someone else will have to say, RE. i hope you have had the opportunity to do this for yourself. I hope some of your anxietys have lifted.

05-03-2006, 06:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
islandgirl Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2	Optimism vs. Pessimism... Pessimism is winning!! Hello, I'm new to the board today. Briefly, my story is that about two years ago I went off BCP and it took me a whole year to get my cycles going again. I did three rounds of Clomid that seemed to kick start my cycles, but all BFNs. Since August, I've been O'ing fairly regularly on my own (30-40 day cycles), and doing everything I can think of to get a BFP, no luck. I'm doing acupuncture, herbs, yoga, fertility monitors etc. OBGYN seems to think everything is okay - ie. ultrasound, bloodtests, SA is good, but I'm now scheduled for a "dye test" and I have my first appointment with an RE in a couple weeks. I am feeling lonely (being so anxious and worried all the time is a lonely activity) and completely freaked out that I will never be a mom, which is the one thing in life that I was sure I wanted to be. DH is supportive, but.... well, he believes in fate (ie. everything "works out"), so my heartache and misery is hard for him to understand. I'd rather be like him... and just "go with the flow", but I just can seem to get to that. I realize that I need to do something to get a grip on my emotions - I wake up worrying, I have a constricted feeling in my chest a lot, I'm on the verge of tears almost all the time (like right now)... Any one out there with good coping strategies, mantras, on line support buddies, etc? I swear these past two years have been the two most challenging years of my life and I know there are a lot of people in the same boat in terms of feelings, I just haven't found them yet! JL.

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05-03-2006, 07:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
nic@nyc Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: nyc Posts: 32	No coping strategies - sorry But...you are definitely not alone. Just try to keep going - It sounds like you are just starting on your journey - try to look at it as a beginning. Once you start on meds your opprtunity to become a mom and fulfill your dream will only increase.

05-04-2006, 08:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
islandgirl Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2	Thanks for the responses. Strategies I've used and have worked to some extent to deal with my feelings: - going for bike ride - watching a good trashy TV show - reading a novel like Da Vinci Code - snuggling with my cats - PURPOSELY NOT checking what cycle day it is ?? Any other ideas out there. I'm having a better day today than yesterday. I'm glad to know there's a community of us to share / vent! JL

05-04-2006, 09:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
Familyof2 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: TX Posts: 2,322	I don't know if these are coping strategies or not, but this is what I do to keep my mind otherwise occupied: - reading - watching movies or tv - scrapbooking - painting/decorating the house (house is looking awesome!) - inventing chores for DH to do around the house so we can sell it!

05-04-2006, 09:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Daviso 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 5,969 Blog Entries: 93	Things that help me cope... 1) Time: When I'm really down, there usually isn't anything that brings me back out but time. I've been through this for many years, so I try to remind myself that things do get brighter. I almost envision a long road with tunnels on it. I go through a dark spot, then I come out of it. I travel down the road and hit another tunnel/dark spot and travel through it for awhile, and then I come out of that one, etc. It helps me to realize that there are bright spots to look forward to. 2) DH: I throw myself into my relationship with my dh. When it gets really tuff, we cling together tighter. He and our relationship is everything to me, and it brings me comfort just to concentrate on each other. He makes me feel like things are going to turn out just fine - regardless of what happens/doesn't happen. I try to turn the focus off of IF and onto us. 3) Friends/Family: Another thing I do is surround myself with people that I know care for me and are sensitive towards my situation. I know they are there to listen and to help me. They give me a shoulder to cry on, they make me laugh, or they just listen... whatever I need. 4) FT: I come to FT forums. 5) Bigger things than my IF taking place in the world: I remind myself that although my IF is sad, there are people in the world that have it much worse than I do. There are people going through and living in unspeakable situations. Besides the IF aspect of my life, I have a wonderful, blessed life. 6) God: Last, but certainly not least, I rely on God to help me through. I don't understand everything (and I'm often angry with Him), but when it comes down to it, that is where my hope resides. For me, I would've never made it this far without prayers and my belief that in the end - things will work out for the best (regardless of what answer I'm given.) Sometimes, it seems like nothing will help me through the pain, but I just trudge through it and hope that I can take one day at a time and get through it. Just some things that often help me... Hope it helps.