Distraught right now!

[Hevin24]

I need someone's words of wisdom right now. I have been trying to have a child for over two years. My husband already has two children from a previous marriage. My dilemma is, it seems ever since I have been trying to convince everyone around me got pregnant and without even wanting to, I might add. Now although I am happy for my sister-in-law(husbands side), best friend and sister-in-law (my brothers wife), I couldn't help but wonder why this all seemed to happen around the time I was trying to have my own.

For the past six months I have been doing really well in coming to terms with this but today was it for me. My sister-in-law (husbands side) gave birth today. Can you imagine that she named her son the name I chose if and when I have mine? Why would she do something as horrible as that to me? All I had that made me happy was knowing that I had the name for the little boy I dreamed of having one day and now she took that away from me. I am so upset behind this. Yes I know its just a name but for me it was something special. I wanted to let me son know how long I wanted him and how much his name meant to me. Now my dream is shattered.

I need a shoulder right now. Although my husband is a good support he just doesnt seem to understand what it feels like to be childless.

Please help!

[AthenaD]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Why can't you still name your son the name that you picked out? Won't the kids only be cousins?

[Hevin24]

I don't think I would feel comfortable giving my child the same name that already has an identity belonging to someone in the family. It may seem silly but its how I feel. For the past two years that name has been very special to me and for someone to come along and take it away, especially from someone in my situation, it seems kind of personal. I will just try and remain strong and convince myself that WHEN I have my baby, he/she will have the perfect name for them.

[Jenn]

Hevin,
I am sooooooo sorry!!!!
Watching others have babies when you've been trying so long and hard is bad enough but to have your special name snatched away from you is NOT fair.
I think that is just awful that your SIL did that.
I had a similar thing happen to me when we were ttc--the name wasn't taken but the name given made it so i couldn't use mine anyway --and i'm still upset about it!!! Big
I'm so sorry....
Jenn

[COURTNEYMARET]

I know what you mean about the name, because something similar happened to me recently - hey, maybe you were meant to pick a different name (one that has some meaning attached that gives a nod to the long wait you endured to bring him/her into this world?) It's a comforting thought, too, when you apply it to the question of "why is everyone else able to have babies, but not me?" Someone told me recently that you'll have your baby when all the stars line up just right (aka: you learn whatever lessons you're supposed to get from this awful experience, and those lessons have nothing to do with having a baby; it's lessons about your personality & how you see things that you couldn't learn any other way). It pissed me off when I first heard that, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. I certainly have learned a lot since my two miscarriages about myself, so it's a least half true!

Still wish I had a baby to show for it, though

[Hevin24]

Wow Courtney, your post was an eye opener to me. After reading it I realize that maybe I do need a change in my personality. I am rather negative and have been known to have quite the attitude. I attributed these moods to what I am facing but why should others be held responsible for something that is happening to me? No one is a fault here so why I am directing my anger and frustration to those around me? Whoever gave you this piece of advice please tell them they quite possibly put me on the path to fertility (lets just hope I really can change).

Good luck to you!

[COURTNEYMARET]

I think it was divine intervention, because the advice came to me when I needed it most (albeit, when I wanted to hear it the least) from a random stranger I happened to be sitting next to in the park. We struck up conversation, somehow I found myself on the topic of my fertility, and this nice old woman gave me this advice. I guess I was meant to see you're post, too, so you could hear it!

I hope 'trying' to change counts in God's eyes, or Mother Nature's eyes, because if it doesn't, I'm not having a baby any time soon (if I was better at keeping my thoughts and emotions in check, I wouldn't have had to remind myself of this sweet old lady's advice so many times)!!!

[Hevin24]

I guess its true what they say, God works in mysterious ways. I guess there is only so much we can do about who we are as individuals. If we can't make "changes", then maybe we just aren't meant to have children and we have to learn how to deal with that instead. Whatever is in the cards for us, it will happen. At least have enough optimism to keep that in mind

[COURTNEYMARET]

No, I definitely will keep that in mind. I'm not giving up hope - just using a little self- deprecating humor (because I do have to remind myself often not to be hard on myself or others when my situation has me feeling down)
Thanks - Good luck to you, too