I have a friend...

[Carter08]

...who I love dearly, but got pregnant "by accident" and is very excited about it. So excited, that she asks me pregnancy related questions even though she knows we are having trouble getting pregnant (ttc for 1 year, currently getting ready for 1st IVF cycle after two failed IUIs). She has told me she can't wait for me to be pregnant so we can go through this together, and I think she just can't help herself from asking me questions like "do you plan on finding out the sex" and other benign questions like that which I would LOVE to be able to think about rather than this IF crap. Does anybody else have to deal with this? How do you deal? She asked me these questions in an email, after we got done discussing how we are moving on to IVF, and I responded with a very short / blunt answer hoping that she realizes that this is not a good thing to talk to me about. I just feel like that is really selfish to not have any self restraint b/c I know she wants to know my answers so she can compare them to her own thoughts. UGH! I am getting more annoyed as I type this! Sorry, had to vent.

[Carter08]

Thanks Farmerswife - it helps to know that I am not alone. And thanks for the advice. You are right, they are just excited for themselves, and not thinking about how what they might say or do can be hurtful. I am going to look for those websites.

[TreeHugger]

Carter, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I have been through this too -- all my closest friends got pg their first month trying. I will give your friend the benefit of the doubt and say she may be trying to talk with you about it to give you hope ... "Soon you'll be pg too..." Fertile people sometimes just don't know how much it hurts and don't know the right things to say.

At least she is talking about her pg in a positive light. I've had friends who complained about weight gain throughout their pgs. That is the most thoughtless thing I've encountered.

Here's a helpful page I found. I wish I had found it back when I was in this same situation as you are: http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServ...op_tainf_jffaf

Best of luck to you!
Jennifer

[Carter08]

Thanks Treehugger! I can see how friends complaining about pregnancy can be MUCH worse. I know she didn't mean anything by what she said, so I am feeling better. If she expects me to comfort her down the line b/c of petty things like weight gain, now that will be a different story! Thanks for the support, I will check out that website!

Good luck to you! -Carter

[Willconceive]

Reality is that she is just ignorant. However, she is really trying to be positive for you. By encouraging you when she says when you get pregnant. Yes, I've had seven babies born to people who are close to me and I have had some people rub it in my face. For instance my wicked SIL gave birth in October, I don't like her, never did. My dh and I went to the hospital to see the new baby (beautiful girl) his othe sister was there and they were talking about giving birth. This witch turns to me several times and says, "when you have a baby, this happens....."! WTF? I wanted to tell her, too bad your beautiful little girl's daddy is cheating on you. Congrants, you !@#$^^&&*/!!! But I took the abuse like I always do and make it point NOT to be around my DH's family at all they are horrible! At least your friend, isn't trying to hurt you on purpose like my SIL is me (she says that because I don't go to church I don't have a baby) I can't wait until God shows her that bad things happen to church people too!

[Trixie99]

Hi I understand where you are coming from. I have a cousin that already has 3 beautiful girls (one set of natural twins!) and now she is p/g with #4..........I assume trying for the boy. She barely can handle the 3 she has now & we are all supposed to be SUPER HAPPY for her luck! BOLOGNA...right now I want spit nickles it upsets me so much. The problem is I don't know if I am upset at her good fortune or at myself for being so jealous. I also have a best friend that is always talking about "when she gets p/g" or "when I have a little one & who do you think will have one first" I personally did not know we were having a race,I have enough of my own issues without worrying about her too. AAAhhhhh All I have to say is I understand

[Willconceive]

Trixie, if your friend is in competition with you its because she is already jealous of you and her having her baby first will make her feel better. My SIL is the epitome of wicked! And she is wicked in the name of Jesus. She has always been in competition with me. She was the first to have a baby and didn't hesitate to rub my face in it. But I know that in the end, we will come out on top!

[Carter08]

Ugh! The wicked SIL and race to have a baby friend....I am sorry guys. Thank you for the support. Trixie - I can so relate to your comment, "The problem is I don't know if I am upset at her good fortune or at myself for being so jealous." I wish I could just be happy for her, but I find myself green with envy quite often. I know this isn't reality, but I feel betrayed by my friend for getting pregnant before me when she knew we had been trying forever. She wasn't trying to get pregnant, but she did, and she did announce it to a group of my friends in our living room (without warning) and I felt tears well up immediately. I managed to blurt out "You are?! Congratulations!" before I said...."Who needs wine?" and made a beeline for the kitchen. I am so so so sorry that you have a terrible SIL WillConcieve...I hate people who are mean spirited and think that their beliefs back them up....I can't think of anything more ignorant. And Trixie....I hope you are able to avoid all pregnancy talk with your friend that seems to be racing with you! Good luck to you both