How should I respond

Jenifire · 07-08-2007, 01:00 PM

I just found out a friend has a surprise twins pg. Due to other issues that would be too upsetting to say I do NOT want anything to do with this friend or her pg. How can I nicely tell them I want nothing to do with this pregnancy, no updates etc? I wish them well but dont want to hear the whining etc about it being a surprise and twins. They dont even really want them but are keeping them

Winnie817 · 07-17-2007, 04:55 PM

I wouldn't say anything - just quietly phase out...

Hoping2Conceive · 07-18-2007, 09:41 AM

Jennifire,

I know exactly how you feel!!!! My DH and I have been trying off an on for two years and, in that time, literally all of our friends have started families with no problems. I completely lose it every time I hear about another pregnancy. The last time I stayed in bed for three straight days after learning the news. I am happy for them, but at the same time their success really rubs in my failure and ruins my hope for myself. Because I haven't told anyone about my IF, because I don't want to be talked about and pitied, no one even knows to tone it down around me. It kills me to hear all about the ultrasounds, to help them pick names, to plan baby showers, etc. At the same time, I know that they are my friends and family and they'll be doing the same thing for me if and when my time ever comes . . . .

Tweetyb · 07-18-2007, 09:56 AM

Jenn, sometimes you just have to put it out there that although you are happy for them, you aren't comfortable with being around her or hearing about her pg. Wish them the best and move on.

Hoping, although it's hard, I think you are putting yourself through torture. You mentioned that you lose it when another one gets pg. People can be a lot more understanding if they at least had a clue of what you've been going through. I remember when I was in the same boat as you. DH and I were trying and nothing was happening. Everyone was ALWAYS asking....when are you guys going to have kids? What are you waiting for? And seeing everyone else pg did hurt. But once I "mentioned" that we were working on it, they were more sensitive and didn't brag about it in my face. I think I just said, "When God decides to bless us with a baby, then we will have one." That was pretty open ended where they get the clue you are working on it, but it just hasn't happened yet. So you don't have to go into the whole, you've been ttc and seeing such and so while talking that med.

Try to be good to yourselves and always stay positive. God will bless you soon!

Hope this helps!

alliG · 08-07-2007, 12:53 AM

Jenn, I would let people know whats going on.. you don´t have to put an add in the paper, just tell your closest friend or sister. I kept it in and still haven´t told everyone only 2 sisters and 2 friends but now people are a lot more sensitive.
Its OK to be vulnerable.

07-08-2007, 01:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jenifire Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 215	How should I respond I just found out a friend has a surprise twins pg. Due to other issues that would be too upsetting to say I do NOT want anything to do with this friend or her pg. How can I nicely tell them I want nothing to do with this pregnancy, no updates etc? I wish them well but dont want to hear the whining etc about it being a surprise and twins. They dont even really want them but are keeping them

07-17-2007, 04:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Winnie817 600-699 post 8 of hearts Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: MN Posts: 636	I wouldn't say anything - just quietly phase out... __________________ When you get off the rollercoaster, there's always another ride.

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07-18-2007, 09:41 AM	#3 (permalink)
Hoping2Conceive Registered User Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Chicago, Illinois Posts: 18	Jennifire, I know exactly how you feel!!!! My DH and I have been trying off an on for two years and, in that time, literally all of our friends have started families with no problems. I completely lose it every time I hear about another pregnancy. The last time I stayed in bed for three straight days after learning the news. I am happy for them, but at the same time their success really rubs in my failure and ruins my hope for myself. Because I haven't told anyone about my IF, because I don't want to be talked about and pitied, no one even knows to tone it down around me. It kills me to hear all about the ultrasounds, to help them pick names, to plan baby showers, etc. At the same time, I know that they are my friends and family and they'll be doing the same thing for me if and when my time ever comes . . . .

07-18-2007, 09:56 AM	#4 (permalink)
Tweetyb 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Overland Park, KS Posts: 1,433	Jenn, sometimes you just have to put it out there that although you are happy for them, you aren't comfortable with being around her or hearing about her pg. Wish them the best and move on. Hoping, although it's hard, I think you are putting yourself through torture. You mentioned that you lose it when another one gets pg. People can be a lot more understanding if they at least had a clue of what you've been going through. I remember when I was in the same boat as you. DH and I were trying and nothing was happening. Everyone was ALWAYS asking....when are you guys going to have kids? What are you waiting for? And seeing everyone else pg did hurt. But once I "mentioned" that we were working on it, they were more sensitive and didn't brag about it in my face. I think I just said, "When God decides to bless us with a baby, then we will have one." That was pretty open ended where they get the clue you are working on it, but it just hasn't happened yet. So you don't have to go into the whole, you've been ttc and seeing such and so while talking that med. Try to be good to yourselves and always stay positive. God will bless you soon! Hope this helps!

08-07-2007, 12:53 AM	#5 (permalink)
alliG Registered User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: France Posts: 50	Jenn, I would let people know whats going on.. you don´t have to put an add in the paper, just tell your closest friend or sister. I kept it in and still haven´t told everyone only 2 sisters and 2 friends but now people are a lot more sensitive. Its OK to be vulnerable.