How do you deal with people who don't like their own children?

3 ladybugs · 03-19-2007, 08:09 AM

Hello,

Normally this doesn't bother me, they live far away and thus it isn't in my face all the time. My ex-step father (I call him dad #2) daughter has totally and completely messed up her life as well as her three children's. To the point that I am surprised that the state hasn't taken all of her children away from her. My dad #2 has spent years trying to help the children so they wouldn't be following their mothers path but it has never worked. Right now her children are all over the place. One is with her biological father (she is 15) and the other is with his biological grandmother (he is 10 or so) and the oldest is with the mom. The dad is in jail last I heard (that would be the dad of #1 and #3). Now when I was 16 or thereabouts I remember going down to visit my then step sister (we lived in WA and they lived in LA at the time). I remember the oldest child actually feeding her younger sibling a bottle while the mother sat on the couch. Now I am all for children helping other children but the oldest child was all of 2 or 3 herself! And her sister was only 1 year younger! Clearly these children have had a hard life or at the very least, a not pleasent life.

So now I hear that the oldest (who just turned 16) just dropped out of school. I am praying that the next time I talk to dad #2 he doesn't say she is PG.

I am glad that they all live in FL (two younger children are in Louisiana) and I don't have to deal with them but how people who are in similar situations deal with this?

The only saving grace I have is my ex-step-sister's cousin lives in NJ and absolutely positively hates my ex-step sister. I know if I ever got wind of her coming even near the mid Atlantic I would just call her up and she would see to it that she didn't come near here.

I know I should just ignore the drama but I feel bad for dad #2. He lost his son when he (the son) was 7 years old, and I know he feels like he wasn't there for his daughter enough because he lived in a different state or was working on the Alaskan pipeline. But I do know he reached out to her a ton of times to which she always refused. I know that there was one time he reached out to her and asked her to move to WA state and she refused. I am grateful because at the time my mother was married to dad #2 and this would have broken up that marriage, so therefore I benefited from her bad decision. I just wonder how long someone can hold a grudge against someone for something that wasn't their fault?

Thank you for letting me vent!
Jennifer

Mondayschild · 03-19-2007, 03:12 PM

You are very considerate of your dad#2. He must be a good dad. I hope he finds satisfaction and comfort in the relationship the 2 of you share. But I think there are many people who live through bad dysfunctional families and still live responsible, nuturing, functional lives. I hope he does not beat himself up over something he had no control over.

My DH has an extremely dysfunctional family. He is the youngest with 3 older sisters. His mother verbally and mentally abused him, his father did the same and also physically abused him. He was abused and neglected. It is so strange because his sisters did not receive any such treatment. He did sports with no one in attendance,he got rides from neighbors even as a child. He did other activities and got many awards but no one in his family ever attended. It kills me to hear the stories. But once you meet his sisters and parents you can see they can not even stop themselves. But he is the kindest, gentlest, most sincere, loving person I have ever known. He never utters a ugly word. He has never raised his voice. I am in awe of how he survived such a horrible life and is the great successful man he is.

03-19-2007, 08:09 AM	#1 (permalink)
3 ladybugs 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 3,304	How do you deal with people who don't like their own children? Hello, Normally this doesn't bother me, they live far away and thus it isn't in my face all the time. My ex-step father (I call him dad #2) daughter has totally and completely messed up her life as well as her three children's. To the point that I am surprised that the state hasn't taken all of her children away from her. My dad #2 has spent years trying to help the children so they wouldn't be following their mothers path but it has never worked. Right now her children are all over the place. One is with her biological father (she is 15) and the other is with his biological grandmother (he is 10 or so) and the oldest is with the mom. The dad is in jail last I heard (that would be the dad of #1 and #3). Now when I was 16 or thereabouts I remember going down to visit my then step sister (we lived in WA and they lived in LA at the time). I remember the oldest child actually feeding her younger sibling a bottle while the mother sat on the couch. Now I am all for children helping other children but the oldest child was all of 2 or 3 herself! And her sister was only 1 year younger! Clearly these children have had a hard life or at the very least, a not pleasent life. So now I hear that the oldest (who just turned 16) just dropped out of school. I am praying that the next time I talk to dad #2 he doesn't say she is PG. I am glad that they all live in FL (two younger children are in Louisiana) and I don't have to deal with them but how people who are in similar situations deal with this? The only saving grace I have is my ex-step-sister's cousin lives in NJ and absolutely positively hates my ex-step sister. I know if I ever got wind of her coming even near the mid Atlantic I would just call her up and she would see to it that she didn't come near here. I know I should just ignore the drama but I feel bad for dad #2. He lost his son when he (the son) was 7 years old, and I know he feels like he wasn't there for his daughter enough because he lived in a different state or was working on the Alaskan pipeline. But I do know he reached out to her a ton of times to which she always refused. I know that there was one time he reached out to her and asked her to move to WA state and she refused. I am grateful because at the time my mother was married to dad #2 and this would have broken up that marriage, so therefore I benefited from her bad decision. I just wonder how long someone can hold a grudge against someone for something that wasn't their fault? Thank you for letting me vent! Jennifer

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03-19-2007, 03:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mondayschild 800-899 post 10 of hearts Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: US Posts: 869	You are very considerate of your dad#2. He must be a good dad. I hope he finds satisfaction and comfort in the relationship the 2 of you share. But I think there are many people who live through bad dysfunctional families and still live responsible, nuturing, functional lives. I hope he does not beat himself up over something he had no control over. My DH has an extremely dysfunctional family. He is the youngest with 3 older sisters. His mother verbally and mentally abused him, his father did the same and also physically abused him. He was abused and neglected. It is so strange because his sisters did not receive any such treatment. He did sports with no one in attendance,he got rides from neighbors even as a child. He did other activities and got many awards but no one in his family ever attended. It kills me to hear the stories. But once you meet his sisters and parents you can see they can not even stop themselves. But he is the kindest, gentlest, most sincere, loving person I have ever known. He never utters a ugly word. He has never raised his voice. I am in awe of how he survived such a horrible life and is the great successful man he is.