I'm rather new here, but seriously need to vent. I know the holidays are hard for everyone struggling with IF . . . there are babies everywhere for pete's sake and this time of years is all about "family" (BTW- who decided that DH and I weren't a family by ourselves anyway?). Anyway, So the first incident was my dad's family on December 10th . . . 1 cousin (the youngest of us 6) just had a baby and my other cousin is expecting her second (she already has a 2 year old) . . they are both younger than me so it really just pains me. I had to step out of the house several times for a walk because I nearly burst into tears with all the baby talk. They don't even care! They all know about our trouble, but they act like it doesn't exist - forget being sensative.
The next week we went to a Christmas party at a friend's house. It was their excuse to show off their new place. Nice big house- perfect for a family- which was made evident by the fact that they showed EVERYONE the newly decorated nursery! They aren't even pg! They kept talking about how they plan to get pg in March and have this perfectly laid plan . . . I really can't stand people who do that . . as if IF doesn't even exist- I never once was that presumptuous when DH and I started trying.
Then there was Christmas Eve with my mom's side . . my step-brother (19) and his girlfriend (16) just had a baby girl in November. Neither of them has a job, of course . . nor any prospects for a house besides living with their parents but they PLANNED this baby! PLANNED IT! That whole side of the family has been extremely supportive of me (almost excessively so) and were all disgusted with my step-brother and his girlfriend. Until, of course, the baby arrived. Now all they can talk about is the baby and what good parents they are . . . while, on the side, telling me the exact oposite. Heck, I think she's a doll too . . but that brings me to my other vent . . . good parents my tooshy! The baby had been in chaos all day long that day and hadn't gotten any naps (remember only 8 weeks old at this point)- they couldn't figure out why on EARTH she would be so fussy. They were so busy showing her off to people all day long they didn't bother to make sure she got enough rest. I picked her up finally, took her to the back room where it was quiet, and she IMMEDIATELY stopped screaming and fell asleep. Then my step-brother had the nerve to not only take her from me, but WAKE HER UP so she could "open her presents" . . . she's a newborn! She doesn't care about seeing her presents . . . most of what she got was baby clothes- and he also had the bright idea of having her "model them" for everyone. OMG- just what a baby needs is to be dressed and re-dressed a million times for the amusement of her parents! I wanted to scream . . . luckily grandma talked them out of that wonderful idea. So, tell me, is that the way "good parents" act?
This whole IF thing is so unfair. I feel like it's been blow after blow for DH and I for the last 4 years. My only option is IVF- so 3 of those 4 years we've spent saving. Being limbo has been such a huge frustration and source of greif. I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic sometimes because I"m afraid I may never have children. Then people like my step-brother and his girlfriend get pg when they don't even have the means to support a child! It is so heartbreaking . . . I start IVF in March, but I"m so beat down at this point that I'm not very optimistic about it at all. . . . ug!
Okay, sorry, thanks for letting me vent- lol
Hugs to you on what has really been a crappy holiday season and best wishes with your upcoming IVF. Try to put some distance between yourself and any upsetting influences as you prepare for IVF.
Lee (DH) 38
