Doing okay...for the moment.

[kris73]

We got through Thomas' birthday (31 August) fairly well.

This past Saturday (10 September) was the last of our "a year ago today" moments.

Saturday was a year since his funeral. It was the last time that we saw him, touched him (the soles of his feet still felt like velvet), kissed him. I didn't hold him because he was so very fragile. The only reason Louise held him was because we needed to put his book (The Poky Little Puppy) and some messages (from friends and family from around the world) underneath him.

I can't believe that it's now been over a year since I've seen him.

It almost seems unfair that time has continued to move forward. I miss him so much, but there are times when I think I can feel him. It's a strange sensation, especially as I'm not his birth mother. It's such a wonderful feeling when it happens though.

I'm hoping that he's picked out the perfect baby brother or sister for us.

After three consecutive negatives, we've taken the past two months off from transfers. The first month we took off was August. We decided not to do August because we would've been finding out the results around the time of his birthday. I really don't think that we would've been able to cope with a yes, much less a no.

This month we took off just to try to regroup and relax and not have to think about meds or dates or anything.

During the time off, Louise has started acupuncture at an IVF acupuncture clinic in the city (Sydney). She seems to enjoy it and the practitioner is wonderful. Obviously, no one can guarantee that it'll make the next transfer a successful one, but...why not give it a chance? If the problem is the blood flow, it's not going to hurt.

I think she's going to start baby aspirin as well.

As of right now, it looks like we will do a transfer in October.

As for me, personally...

I'm seeing a surgeon tomorrow concerning my thyroid. I found out last month that my T3 levels had jumped from 10 (which is on the low side of normal) to 42. I'm on the maximum dosage of meds...and it's obviously not controlling the situation like my doctor had hoped.

We were wanting to get the levels stabilized and then do the radioactive iodine. In May, my odds of having surgery were about 50%. Now, they're 100% and we'll be discussing a thyroidectomy tomorrow.

I was upset at first, but...it's for the best. The meds aren't working and if I stay on them at this dosage for much longer, it's going to cause more problems. So...yeah, surgery for me.

In a strange twist...

I had back surgery (fusion from L4-S1 and decompression) the month before our transfer that resulted in Thomas. We had also had three consecutive unsuccessful transfers before taking a couple of months off before that successful transfer.

Maybe the key is taking a couple of months off and then me having surgery? *LOL*

Anyway...thanks for listening. I think I might hang around here for a while. I'm not sure if I want to joing a FET board right now. It's just so stressful for me.

[3 ladybugs]

Welcome back! I am sorry you have had to go through such a rough time recently.

I am sure Thomas is around both of you. Just yesterday I saw a ladybug on a rental car and it reminded me that even nearly 5 years out from my last child loss, my children are always around me. They never do really go away. They always want to find out how their mommy(ies) are doing.

I am sorry to hear about your thyroid! My mom has been on medication for hers for years now however I never heard of this surgery. It sounds scary! Isn't the thyroid in a tough spot? When do you think you will have it? I hope your surgery brings great things all around!

[3 ladybugs]

Did you have your surgery yet?

I hope all is okay with you! Update when you can.

[kris73]

Nope, no surgery yet. I have to wait to hear back from the hospital to see when my date is. It could be up to 3 months...

I've been having a lot of trouble with one of SILs lately. Lies, cruelty...it's hard because I have no biological family here. All of my family is in the States.

I'm expected to just forgive and go on because that's what her sisters do. However...

I'm not her sister. In fact, I'm an only child...so, I don't understand this "forgive everything you do no matter how bad it is because you're my sister" crap.

Of course, as much as I don't understand that...they don't understand my inability to just let it go.

The fact of the matter is...she stood in front of a picture of Thomas, crying about how AF came (we have told her numerous times that we don't want to hear about her trying to have a baby). She's told us about two periods, two lots of negative EPTs...and she even did an ovulation test in front of us (between the two "periods") and said that the result showed that she was "transitioning".

All of this has been within the last 8 weeks.

Last week, she called to tell us that she's 10 weeks pregnant.

???????

And no one (except for El) seems to really get why I'm so angry and hurt and say that I can't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

This isn't the first time that she's lied to me. She's a compulsive and habitual liar...

But, they all just forgive her.

I'm having real issues with that.

That's why I haven't been around much in the past week or so.

[3 ladybugs]

Pregnancy mentioned


Oh my! I am so sorry you are having to deal with such a self centered person! I certainly wouldn't be forgiving that easily. It almost sounds like she gets some twisted sense of empowerment from making you feel awful! :yuck: That is REALLY wrong!

Is she in the states or in Oz? I think I would distance yourself from her either way. People like that are the LAST type of people you really need to be dealing with right now.

You know on Friday I got a notice from face-book saying I haven't been on there much. So on a whim on Saturday I went on there. I found out that my cousin was getting married on my father's birthday. I thought this was odd but then I thought, I bet since I wasn't invited to the wedding neither was my father (her uncle). So I called my dad and sure enough I was right. My dad's family has always been disfunctional but this is a bit much. It makes me realize that there are people that you can be related to that you just can't deal with. Sometimes you have to deal with them (my MIL drives me INSANE but I have to deal with her) and other times they are like my cousin, whom I honestly haven't seen in about 10 years. I know my DH has never even met her (I have been married for 8 years in December).

My point is, that if you can let go of these toxic people in your life it normally is for the best. It gives you the energy to deal with the people that are toxic that you can't get rid of (like my MIL).

I hope I helped a bit. Oh and by the way I have 3 sisters and I only talk to 2 of them. Ironically they are the younger 2 who are 25 and 27 years younger then me. The other one (12 years younger) will not have anything to do with me or our dad. Her loss, not mine.

[kris73]

This is probably one of the most difficult relationships I've ever had.

And by that, I mean the relationship with the SIL.

Unfortunately, she's in Australia. In fact, she lives with El's parents. Along with her 10 year old daughter.

She's the kind of person who will avoid the wronged party if she knows that she's done something wrong. She's also the kind of person that will twist things around in her mind to make the wronged party the one who screwed up.

The bad part of all of this is that I'll end up looking like the bad guy (this has happened before) and I'll have to make all of the concessions to keep peace in the family (I've had to do that before), when in reality...

All of this is her fault.

The good part though...

She won't contact us because she knows that what she's done is wrong.

Wow...sounds like you've got some interesting ones in your family too.

And you helped heaps. Thank you!

[3 ladybugs]

I am sorry you have to give in. I have had to do that several times with my MIL. She is really a piece of work that truly believes the world is going to end at the end of next year. She has said awful things to me and DH about our lost children and we have to ignore it. She also blames my DH for things he did 20 years ago (DH is 36).

A family is sort of like a big pot of vegetable soup that has is made with peanut sauce. Most of them are soft and mushy but there are few nuts in there too.

[3 ladybugs]

I hope you are okay!

[kris73]

I'm doing okay. In fact, I'm doing fairly well.

Things with the SIL are...better, actually. I got worried about her when El told me that she had changed her status on facebook from "engaged" to "single". And when I got worried, I realized that even though she had hurt me...I actually still cared.

So, we went over to check on her.

Apparently, he's been lying to her (and she thinks he's been cheating on her)...and she's been telling him for two weeks to leave, but he refuses. He's starting to go all "Sleeping with the Enemy" on her...and it's really unnerving.

Turned out that she's been going through a change in her meds because the ones that she was on could be harmful to the baby.

If she had told us that she was changing her meds (she would've just had to say that the doctor thought it would be best since she was trying to get pregnant), I would've understood about the strange and hurtful behaviour.

But, she didn't tell us...so all we saw was that she was lying to us and it seemed to be a calculated thing. Because she didn't tell us, I couldn't understand.

Still waiting to hear about the surgery...it's only been 3 weeks, so I guess that's still early. But, it'd be nice to know something...

How are you doing?

[3 ladybugs]

Oh I am so glad you got things figured out! That is awful that she didn't tell you that her medication was changing, however I am glad it is at least understandable now to see why she was being cooky!

Why are you having to wait so long for the surgery? Last surgery I had (a lap) was rescheduled 3 times due to my white blood cell count but all of the surgery dates were within a 3 week period. I hope you find out soon!