Help me to be more sensitive and understanding...

[Laura1975]

One of my VERY good friends has been going through infertility since fall of 2005. They are now beginning the adoption process. What are some Key things to NOT say to her, TO say to her? In regards to everything. Fertility/infertility/Adoption.

I recently watched "Tears and Hope", an awareness video on the web, that was very helpful. I can use all the help I can get. Thanks. Anything else, I am open to listening to.

Thank you

[triciaism]

Hi Lauraannberk,
I read your post awhile back and wanted to reply but it's hard cause each person is so different. One thing I recommend is reading the "because of IF I . . . a game of sorts" thread. It's on the general infertility section. There are nine pages of it - some funny and some not. I think it will give you a greater understanding for sure. http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...splay.php?f=14
thanks for the Tears and Hope info, I watched it and cried but I'm glad it's out there.
Tricia

[Laura1975]

triciaism-

That's just it, I am taking bits and pieces from what everyone is saying. I "know" my friend, and though she is a little different these days in what she shares and doesn't. I can take bits and pieces. So I am truly open to information. Thanks for the tip. I'll pop over there. I was afraid to look at some things, only because I get overwhelmed on the internet sometimes and I was afraid I wouldn't get enough out of the experience. I just hate to read too much stuff... I'm a wimp.

Anyway, I will skim around.

Should I post that link to tears and hope? I can. I just didn't know if it would be ok? I will if you think, or you can. Maybe it would be better if you did it. You probably know a more appropriate spot within the boards/threads to place it.
Thanks again.

[Laura1975]

Here is that link if you are interested. It was helpful for me to better understand how someone feels when they experience Infertility.

http://www.tearsandhope.com/

[Laura1975]

All right, I skimmed 4 pages. I'm tired, and I am not in the club. Very sad and stressful to read how it makes a person who experiences Infertility feel. I am truly anxious. You all are amazing women, to continue your fight and journey. Thank you again for all of your insight and allowing me "in".
Thanks,
laura

[DrAussieMom]

Hi, I think the hardest part is being told: If it was meant to be, God would have it this way. This did not help me from cycle to cyle and overall just made it more difficult.

I would actually say one thing to your firend : "I would love to be here for you, when you need to talk about things, please let em know, otherwise I will respect your privacy and struggle".

When I went through this, it was all everybody wanted to talk about and give me advice ALL the time. Mostly they did not know the details, so it was not sound advice. They meant well, but I felt strange CONSTANTLY talking about it.

Good for you for being so sensitive.....

[Laura1975]

Thank you.

[BC-daisymae]

it's very nice of you to want to be sensitive to your friends feelings.
i think if you just consider her POV while talking to her and be careful not to say something without considering how it will sound then you'll be doing good. You obviously care about your friend and I think that will show.

[BC-MAV]

I would just say "I'm here for you whatever you decide to do." That way whatever she decides in the process of adopting or doing treatment you support her and don't offer suggestions that she may not take kindy to and you don't judge her. I know that I was often bothered by so many questions... when are you doing ----, when will you know? when will --- happen? what are you gonna do if it doesn't work? and the list goes on. I would just take in everything she has to say and keep the questions minimal and take your cue from her.

[jeppy]

I just want to give you a pat on the back for going on there and finding ways to be the best friend you can be! I would love to find a friend like you out there....they are hard to find