Questions for GS-How would a newbie go about finding a person like you????

[jordanfla]

Hi everyone- I am new to this board and I am currently in the middle of a fact finding mission!!...a little about me-I have been trying to conceive for 4 years. I am 34 and my DH is 37 and we live in south florida. I have had multiple IUI and 4 failed IVF (just cycled in Dec.) I have been to two seperate clinics one in Fla. and one in NY, and basically no one can find anything wrong with me...I am literally one of the lucky ones who have "unexplained infertility". I have been through it all from accupuncture to IVIG, and I simply have had no luck. I have had no problems with embryos so it could be an implantation problem, that is why I am considering surrogacy. I simply feel there isn't anything else a dr. can do for me and having a biological child is important to me. My DH and I are lucky to have a very supportive family and friends, all of whom are praying that one day we will have a baby of our own.

While I unfortunately consider myself an expert in infertility, I know very little about surrogacy..so I am hoping those with experience would be willing to answer my questions...some of the more significant questions I have pertain to how I go about finding an incredible GS! I realize I can go through an agency or try to find one myself...do you know of any reputable agencies? any in Fla.? If I choose to cycle out of state, would I need to find a surrogate in that state? what type of questions should I be asking you to determine if you are the one for me? how would you recommend I try to find a GS on my own?

I figure these are enough questions for one night! (but believe me there are plenty more)

Thanks for your help,

Jordanfla

[BC-MAV]

Personally DH and I liked going with an agency because we know they will handle all the medical and psychological screening of surrogates, counseling, legal, and financial. It is more money than doing it independant, but if you can afford it, I think it's worth the piece of mind. You can do this independantly and advertise online and talk via email and phone and meet potential SM's. And you can get your own psychologist to screen SM, check out the health insurance policies, get life insurance, get your own lawyer to draw up a contract, and find a financially savy accountant or business person to administer a fund set up to pay SM's expenses. WHEW!!!

Some of the SM's here may have some website to go to where they have SM classifieds. I think there is one that might have classifieds

www.opts.com

[StacyZ]

May I recommend a great book.. I say it like that because I wrote it,lol. Anyway, its called Pathways to Parenthood, the ultimate guide to surrogacy. It covers independent as well as agency arrangements and is a "how to guide." You can find it on amazon, barnes and noble or at the link at the bottom of this post, the ebook is also available. I also have an agency but I am in California which is not a bad thing because of the laws here. If you chose to go the independent route, you can try www.surromomsonline.com, they have a classifieds ads section. Read read and read some more! You should be very well versed in what to expect from your surro and vice versa before you try the independent arrangement and no, you wont need to find a surro in the state you cycle in but you may not be able to use a surro based on the state you cycle in. NY is a big no no when it comes to surrogacy. I believe FL treats it very much like adoption where here in CA, your name goes directly on the birth certificate.

[BC-MAV]

I think books are a great start and you can do it at your leisure. Also there is a spot on our chart for SM's/IP's that are in the process of looking for a match. Would you like me to add you to IM searching for SM? Let me know...

[givenblessings]

Jordanfla:

I think Stacy is right. Search your heart and know what ideally what you would like before you start looking for a surrogate. ie what type of contact during the pregnancy, after the pregnancy, what you expect from someone carrying your child, etc. MAV would be a good person to ask what types of questions you should ask yourself and a surrogate as she is a IM using a surro. Stacy is also a good resource as she is an experienced surro and very knowledgeable about the surro world. I also think the website Stacy mentioned has some resources on their classifieds area. My husband and I are in the process of deciding whether we would like to do another journey so I know what your going through. Good luck.

Cheryl

[BC-Sirell]

Jordan,

First of all, welcome to our amazing BB. You will be received here with open arms, and will find a wealth of knowledge and support. We have both SMs and IPs as members of our wonderful group.

Secondly, I am very sorry to hear about all that you and your DH have gone through thus far just to have your precious baby. It's not fair and I'm sure you and DH deserve better.

I am a "repeat" surrogate and just gave birth six weeks ago to my third precious surro-babe. This same couple and I are already in the process of gearing up for our sibling project in June. For all of my surrogacies I have used an agency located here in CA where I live. All of my IPs, however, have been from a different state than me (WI, PA, & NY). I would have to recommend that you go the agency route if you can afford it, and a surro in CA as the laws here of the most surrogate friendly and will allow your and your DH's names to be placed on the original birth cert. Although I have seen a few agency matched surrogacies go awry, that is not the norm. Whereas with the independent route, more and more do not work out as planned for various reasons.

Which ever route you and DH decide upon, know ahead of time what you want out of the journey with your SM. Such as contact (before, during, & after), whether you will SR or terminate and for what reasons, the amound of comp you can afford to pay, etc. As others have suggested, read, read, and read some more. Also talk to as many SMs and IPs here on line as you can. The more knowledgeable you are beforehand, the better your search and outcome will be.

Surrogacy is a wonderful path to choose when in your shoes and the most likely outcome will be the birth of your miracle baby.

If you would like to talk more, please feel free to PM me or email me though my profile.

Hugs,


Sirell

[BC-Sirell]

Jordan,

Try this site as a resource: www.intendedparents.com

Hugs,


Sirell

[jordanfla]

To those who have written, I thank you! I am excited about learning more about the journey...

sirell-what you said: "surrogacy is a wonderful path to one in your shoes and the most likely outcome will be your miracle baby". It really hit home. Are you able to tell me the name of the clinic you are affiliated with?

Also, was it difficult during your PG for your IPs because you lived so far away from them?

Jordan

[BC-Sirell]

Jordan,

I cannot say enough good things about surrogacy. It really is a wonderful journey to embark upon with the right SM for you and your DH. And like I said, the arrival of your little one(s) is just waiting for you at the end of the path. Some people's journeys are longer than others for various reasons, but you just have to remember to stay positive at all times and keep looking ahead to that wonderful end result. Also remember to be persistent, yet patient at the same time.

For the three surrogacies that I have done so far, we used a different clinic each time. For my first, with my couple living in WI, we used a clinic in KY. With my second couple who are from PA, we used a clinic in Westwood, CA, and with my third couple who live in NY part of the year and CA part of the year, we used a clinic in La Jolla, CA. For our sibling project in June with my third couple we will be using a clinic in San Francisco, CA. If you want the names of each clinic and RE, please let me know. You can use this forum, or you can PM me or just email me at: sirell.d.lane@nasa.gov.

I'm sure on some level it was difficult for each of my couples living so far away during our pregnancy. Obviously it precluded them from being totally involved with their pregnancy. However, they each involved themselves via phone calls, emails, and actual trips to CA for appointments at the appropriate level that they were comfortable with. I made sure that I kept them as involved as I possibly could when they could not be here. I make many, many phone calls, my DH video tapes every U/S, I rent a fetal doppler so that they can hear their little one's HB whenever they want, and I email constantly. I make my family and our home open to my IPs so that they know they can come to visit as often as they want and stay as long as they want. It is important to me that my surrogacy journeys with each of my IPs results in a lifelong friendship. I am very passionate about being a surrogate and just knowing that each journey could possibly result in one more couple feeling what I feel every time I look into the eyes of one of my daughters, makes it all so worthwhile.

I am here to help if you need anything.

Hugs,


Sirell

[jordanfla]

for GS-wanted to know what your thoughts were-this article was posted on another thread...it seems a bit disturbing obviously from the prospective of IP. However, the article does seem to suggest that the IF did not give a hoot, so the GS stepped up to take care of the kids...all of this leads me to a question.....

As a GS do you ever think about wanting to keep the child you are carrying? (while I understand this is the fundamental issue underlying surrogacy, it is still something I would like to discuss with some willing GS's). I can tell you it is the ultimate fear I have.....to me, if the embryo is mine, then the child is mine. Do you agree or disagree?

Jordan