Oldest ss just POPS in?!!?!?!??

[Sym2]

This time yesterday, I was having coffee on the sofa, when Dh answers the door. He and SS! walk into the livingroom!
WHAT??
This would be ss we have not seen or heard from in months, if not a year!
Dh says he was here about 8 months ago. I only remember last Chrsitmas for a gift pick up that again, ended as it usually does.

None the less, ss walks in here, unannounced!
He was visiting his gramma in town, and had her drop him off here for a visit!
Again....WHAT???

So he sits on the sofa, and my mouth just will not close from its hgaping shock, and he chats like it was yesterday, or last week, or last month, like all is well, nothing bad lingering between all of us etc etc etc.

I was so uncomfortable, I had to leave the room. I wanted to leave the house frankly, but Dh said he would take him out to look at a house FIL/MIL are contemplating buying, so they left together for a few hours.
When they returned, ss hung out with FIL then Dh took him to lunch and back to his grammas house.
I avoided him except for the hello, happy birthday, so...life is fine...oh...good.

It was so conflicting!
I encourage Dh to spend time with him, and ss to spend time with Dh without me, since I am the root of all evil in ss'd mind, so I was very glad and happy to see they were spending time together, but it would have been nice to have a heads up by either party.
It was shocking how odd it felt, how out of place I felt, not having him here with dh, but having no-one tell me he was coming.
I have adjusted my life to these kids, without alot of *****ing, except for the rants I have about their behaviour, and to not be even forewarned about the kid saying...Dad, I might pop in on Saturday, was just flooring to me.

Oh well, another step fantasy situation .
Regardless, as I mentioned, I am glad Dh got to see his kid, and they spent some time together.

[Toolgirl]

I'm sorry but that to me shows that he has been taught not to respect others - if he was brought up properly, then he would've picked up the phone prior to the drive over even just to give a heads up. That would've infuriated me, and wow, you handled it wonderfully - I probably would've opened up my mouth and said something ignorant! And that's it - why is it because they are from a separated family, do those things go unnoticed and nothings said - and if something is said, it's nagging or B*ing and the kids' allowed to throw a fit and it's all smoothed over? And yes, it's great that he got to see his father, but why is it on ss terms? It's like a free for all when it comes to kids a part of divorces.

[trainerlady]

Stacey,

Having children of my own now, I would NEVER turn them away, even if they didn't call me (or my dh, their step-dad) because I love them so much. Granted, my boys are blessings from blood, sweat and tears, needles, bedrest, cerclages, emergency c-section at 33w5d, etc...so, you can see why I would have a hard time turning them away! But I think a parent no matter how their child was conceived has a hard time turning away their child. This is my having biological children side of my "debate" to this topic....

However, because I have been a step-mom and have gone through so much with mine; I *know* they got away with things because my dh felt guilty ?, was a softy ?, "loved" them more than me, that I could see the "disrespectful" side of that. However, if my boys did it, it would be okay!

There are things I know I can do with my boys, that just can't happen as a step-parent. Thery're like "unwritten" laws.... this is my "debate" on the other side...

I know it sounds like an oxymoron and it probably is.... I see it not just in what i experienced but in others who are going through it NOW as well.

Big hugs, Stacey, I hope I didn't offend you.....

Stacy in Viva Las Vegas! Far Far Away!!

[Sym2]

No offense taken, as I mentioned, i was conflicted.
It just showed the complete lack of respect to cut me out of it by the kids, and lack of respect Dh showed me (or didn't) when he knew ahead of time.
Like...F* her...My DAD will let me in...so WHAT if she is put out.
It seems more shallow and self centered than it is if you don't know my issues with these kids over 10 years, but since you do...well...I was hoping I guess for the poor me, but since it was so long ago, and I am over it now...I am just fine. I was just fine anyway, understanding your point completely, I was just expecting something different.
No matter...No offense taken...you without an "E" :-)

I just needed to rant then ;-)