Thanks to both of you for replying to my looooong vent. I so appreciate your support and understanding. Just when I feel everything is going smoothly I am blind sided by my own emotions... you know what I mean. I think no matter how we as step parents choose to deal with our emotions it is very difficult to find complete peace. We are just HUGELY emotionally invested in the whole situation. I try to disengage some and understand that I am being who I am not for the response I get but because that is how I can best live with myself, but this is a hard thing to do. I think we all want and deserve a certain amount of gratification for our actions. It is hard to have to only find that gratification internally. Like you both said, the kids probably won't appreciate any of their parents for a long time. The person I get the most support from is their mother. (not my husband!!) Isn't that interesting. She always says thank you and tells me what a good job I am doing and how she thanks God for me and tries to make my relationships with the kids a positive one. I think my husband feels somewhat guilty for what I go through so anything I say or do (like say I am worn out and need a break) comes across to him like I am attacking him. That's my theory anyway. For now, I will try and see the kids not wanting to come over as an opportunity for me and DH to get a break. Lord knows we both need one!!
Anyway, thanks for your support as always!!
Anne