New here...with a question

[PrairieSmoke]

Sorry this got long...

We have been trying for #2 for about 2 and a half years. Our issues are tubal. I had an appendectomy when I was 9. I am not sure how we got lucky enough to have our daughter, I didn't even know I had any issues. After we had been trying for 8 or so months for #2 I was temping and knew I was having issues with ovulation and odd pain. After lots of up and downs, and trouble finding a Doctor that didn't look at my husband as if he were a liar, we found out that I had issues with my fallopian tubes. My Dr. did lap. surgery and found scar tissue completely blocking the end of both fallopian tubes. He removed the tissue, lasered the end of the tubes to encourage them to stay open wide and put dye through, which went through fine.

We have been trying for the last 6 months and still no success. I was having issues with ovulation, so I have been on progesterone 5 cycles, which has helped regulate my cycles. The more time that passes, we are deciding that a family of 3 is good for us. I am going for an HSG on Monday, just so I know down the road if there would be any possibility or if we don't even have a choice (won't do IVF).

I am pretty comfortable with the family of 3. However, I keep coming up with thoughts and wonder how other people have handled or would handle things. I am getting excited to get rid of all the baby clutter around our house, but the thought of actually not having it anymore is daunting. Just another step, I will get through it.

The thing that popped into my head tonight that I am really wondering about is... having a name picked out. I know that if I were to have #2 I could have a boy or girl, but we always really hoped for a boy. We have had a boy name picked out for 13 years (since we were dating). We wanted a boy to carry on the family name and we wanted to honor/remember by husband's brother that has passed away. I feel like there should be a way to still use the name, but not sure how. It feels like I would like to have a ceremony mourning the loss of the child I never had. I am not sure what I would have done if #2 would have been a girl, I was thinking of putting a twist on the name to make it feminine probably.

What are your thoughts?

[KatheAtFertilityAuthority]

PrarieSmoke,

I know the pain and frustration you are feeling. It can be such a confusing and frustrating time. I suffered 7 LONG years with IF. I know and feel the pain you are going through.

I wanted my daughter to have a sibling and I became very depressed when that was not happening. So are you totally against IVF? It sounds like you might be.

Are you seeing a RE now? That is SO VERY IMPORTANT! OBs do not have half the knowledge that a RE does about our complicated situations. I would highly recommend you get one
if you don't already have one.

Let me know how we can help? Stay strong.

[PrairieSmoke]

Kathe,

Thanks for your reply. I give all those that have continued on the infertility journey that long a lot of credit! I do not have that much patience, I feel like I can't just move on with life, I am always waiting. I am ready to just move on.

I feel like I kind of got forced into being ok with one child, then eventually, just accepted it, so it is ok to move on now. The OB that we started with after 8 mo. ttc was worthless in his bedside manner and knowledge. He brought up the idea, after several months, that my tubes may be blocked. I kept asking why they would have gotten blocked. I kept getting the same response, PID or some infection, etc. I said that I hadn't ever had any symptoms. He kept looking at dh, as if to say dh was hiding something from me!! The way he said things devastated me at the time, but he made it sound like we didn't have options, so I was forced to move on.

After several visits with him, we found a wonderful husband/wife team that have been down the road of infertility and now run a clinic as REs to help others! I sort of wish we had found them sooner. We started there after 15 mo. ttc. By that time I had already decided that if IVF was our only option, we were done. It helped that my husband was leading the way down that path and was ok with it. It made it easier on me to accept, just took a lot longer!

I went through the depression of wanting a sibling for my daughter too. I did a lot of searching and talking with my dh about only children and even talked to people that were only children. It helped a lot!! IVF is just too expensive for us, pretty much no coverage. We really are happy now, I don't want to add financial stress when we are happy with what God has already given us.

Thanks for the support.
It is nice to be able to share with others that have had similar experiences and know the gamut of emotions we go through!!

[TTCyears]

One and done. Family Complete. I would need to grieve first also, but it's doable. I "went the distance" for DD and am decided that I will not do so for TTC#2. So if our last-ditch efforts yield a 2nd, wonderful, otherwise we will be NTNP (not trying, not preventing) which was not effective for us previously and I don't expect it to be. Believe it or not, I look forward to when we are done TTC. Just done. A family of 3 or more .. whatever ... done ... complete.

[PrairieSmoke]

TTCYears,

Thanks for your response. I really needed to hear that today. That it is ok to just be done and want to be done. I just had my HSG this morning. One tube is open, one is hydro again. We don't know what condition the interior of the open tube is. I was actually hoping for both being blocked. Then the decision wouldn't fall on me to decide to stop, it would be out of my hands.

We have some discussing to do in the next few weeks. I don't know if I can do the NTNP. I don't know if my hormones will cooperate, I have been on progesterone to help regulate my cycle for the past several months. I think I am going to give that a try for a few months before I make any final decisions.

[myrtle88]

I have been TTC #2 for 2 1/2 years and the more that time goes on, the more I know I have to accept that 3 may just be it for us. We have done one IVF so far, are starting our second this month. I am doing everything in my power to try for #2, but even that still doesn't guarantee there will be one.

I feel like either I will succeeed or my age will just decide for us and we will be done. If I was younger, I'm not sure what I would do. Since I only have about 2 more years of using my own eggs, most likely, or perhaps even less, I figure this is our timeline. I wish you good luck.