A question for all who've done IVF

[BC-foogball]

Hello all,

I have a question (or line of questions, I guess) that has kept me up at night for the past couple weeks. But before I begin, I need to say, I know this is a touchy subject for all, and I don't want to offend anyone. So, please, as you read this, know that I am asking because I need to hear opinions on this or story's or whatever, from people who have been faced with this. Not from doctors or others who simply have an opinion not based on experience. So please, don't be offended.

We are now faced with the option of IVF. And the last couple weeks I have been going over my dilema over and over again! I want another child, so badly it hurts. I want a sibling for my ds. I would even want twins. But I do not, repeat, do not, want triplets or higher. If faced with the option today, of having my ds only or my ds plus triplets, I would choose the former. So herein lies my moral dilema, and my question. How many of you have been faced with the (non medically necessary) decision of reducing? What were the circumstances? How did you make your decision, to or not to (I'm not asking whether or not you reduced, I'm asking what thought process did you take to bring you to your decision)?

I keep going over and over this, it comes back to: I don't think I can make that decision. I don't want to be faced with it. So, I guess that's my answer. If I can't be faced with a question that is a very real possibility, then I shouldn't do IVF.

Ugh. Any help would help. Thanks so much. And again, I don't mean for this question to be a hurtful one. I am just so confused and frusterated that this is the best place to go with it, amongst people who have been right there, or are about to be.

Thanks so much,
Molly

PS...It's been so nice to see everyone's lovely families, I thought I'd add one of mine....or am attempting to...hopefully it'll show up!

[pj2]

Usually reduction is for couples who have used drugs such as injectables and BMS or IUI to achieve PG and have several multiples, usually with a health risk to the babies and/or the mother. (Remember those septuplets? She would have been a candidate.) You can discuss this w/ your doc and request that no more than 2 embies be used for just that reason. This would eliminate the possibility of more than twins being born w/out having to face the option of reduction. Your doc will probably be better able to tell you the percentages for triplets and above if you ask him, and most states keep strict control over how many embies can be used for IVF, usually no more than 3 or 4 per cycle. I hope this will help you and give you some peace of mind!

Paula

[guslisa]

Hi,

I've done 2 cycles and both times had to sign a form saying I would "consider" reduction should multiples be the outcome. So we had to seriously thinking about it, however, no final decision needs to be made until the times comes, if it does. The doc just wanted to cover is a@@ in case, make us aware, etc.

Now, I am 38 and with my history/dx and age, the dr suggested, and we agreed, on transferring all my embies, 5 both times. The first time was a m/c, don't know how many. This time it's twins.

Now, I don't know about the State regulated number of embies to transfer, but here there is no limit. It's up to the doctor and patient and I know many docs have a policy of no more than 3 at one time. If there are more, they usually (if you want) freeze them for possible future cycles. My doc takes into consideration your age and dx/history. Most times he transfers 2-3 embies.

Like Paula said, it's up to you how many you transfer and you can tell your doc to only transfer 2 at a time. And since by your photo you don't look close to 40, that's very reasonable. There's a good chance you'll have some to freeze and if the first round of 2 doesn't work, then you can do a Frozen Embroyo Transfer (much easier than a full IVF cycle).

I don't know what I would have done should more than 2 embies made it. I have tried so hard to get to this point I can't imagine reducing. However, my health and the health of the babies is all important, so never say never. I'm a huge believer in things happen for a reason. So whatever God you believe in, or th universe, only gives you what you can handle. Many people I know didn' t think they could handle certain situations with children, but it turns out they were perfect for the job. Things happen for a reason.

I hope this helps and you find your decision, whatever it is, a peaceful one.

Take care.

[NicoleK]

I'm replying to your post without reading what others have responded so forgive me if I repeat myself. I just don't want to loose my train of thought.

First of all, no matter how many fertilized eggs you get, you can transfer back as many or as little as you want. Freeze the rest for later if the IVF cycle does not work, or if you want a sibling for your other two.

Most clinics in Canada anyway, will not transfer more than two if the quality is good, and the patient is young. You can ask them to though if you want more.

A success to a clinic is based on the live birth rate, not if the mother acheives a pg but goes on to m/c which can happen with multiples.

I wanted to transfer 3 my last IVF attempt, but was told they would not do it, especially considering the fact that I already got pg and carried a fetus to term.

I hope this helps with your decision. If I were you, I would definatley do the IVF and transfer no more than 2.

Hope this helps with your decision.


Nicole

Edited to add: I just love the pic. Your ds looks adorable.

[LauraNJ33]

I did IVF and we chose to only put back 2 great blasts each time and the second time we got luck and got PG with our Taylor I told my Dr that I could not deal with having 3 so we cut that chance down to just 4% by putting back only two. So you might want to think about that.
Take care
Laura

[BC-CathyNY]

When I did my IVF at age 39, the clinic had a chart that showed the percentage in each age group that ended up with multiples assuming that four or more embies were transferred. I believe that for my age group we had a fairly sizeable chance of twins (which would have been fine), a 17% chance of triplets (not so delighted but thought I might be able to cope), and a 4% chance of quads. Now, mind, those statistics reflected women pregnant with multiples at their first ultrasounds--the percentage of women who actually gave birth to those multiples was sizeably lower (I'm sure this was due to natural reduction, selective reduction, and a variety of other factors).

Because of my age and reproductive history (never having been pregnant naturally) and knowing that time was running out on my reproductive capacity, we took the chance of transferring four nice-looking embies. Yes, it was a gamble. We did not want quads. If we had had triplets, we would have hired a nanny to help us (which luckily we could have afforded). Anyway, we ended up with a healthy singleton (although Nicky has an autistic spectrum disorder, he is physically a healthy little boy).

Interestingly enough, one and a half years after Nicky was born we investigated doing another IVF and found that my FSH had risen drastically in just that time. An IVF would still have been feasible. . . but we are glad we were aggressive about the number of embies we transferred the first time.

So it depends a lot on your age, reproductive history, ability or willingness to hire help, and a host of other factors. . . Before giving up entirely on the idea of IVF, I would talk to your RE and get the benefit of his/her experience and professional opinion.

HTH--at least a little bit. . .

[BC-foogball]

Thank you ladies for all you advice and help. It has helped. I wasn't sure if they would do just two embies...but now I know!

We are really thinking about it...just need to figure out the "little" obstacle of the $$$$$$!!!!!

But thank you so much, all of you!

Molly

[emmaalso]

Carrying triplets is always a risk for the babies and for you so you have to consider the possibility but by putting back one or 2 embies the odds are low. IF you are very confident you will get pregnnant the first time just transfer 1 your best emby and freeze the rest. YOu can keep them for another cycle, donate them to a couple or to the clinic. A decision you dont have to make right away.

[LSteele]

I know what a tough question this is. We did IVF twice -- the first time none fertilized, so it was a moot point, but the second time it was a tough call. We had six eggs fertilize, and five of them looked about the same, and the RE said he couldn't tell which ones were better than the others at day 3 post retrieval. They had split very nicely for the first 24 hours and then slowed down after that. So he said he could either put all 5 in, or we could wait another 24 hours and see if that made the decision easier (i.e., some would look better than others). There was no harm to the embies to wait another day, so we waited.

Now, mind you, we had been thinking going in that we wanted no more than two transferred, but when we showed up on day 4 post retrieval, there were four really good embies, and our RE said that at age 35 (my age) and given my bizarre history with IVF, he would recommend transferring all four, and that we could end up with twins, but were highly unlikely to end up with more than that. DH was joking around about how I would end up carrying triplet boys and we'd have a little sports team, heh heh, but I honestly was just praying one of them would work. And one did, for about a weekend, sort of, but with a beta that low followed by such a drop, it's clear the embryo(s) wasn't right to begin with. So reducing wasn't an issue, obviously.

It is seriously up to you to tell the RE what you want/need. We wanted to feel like we did everything we could, and we did, and then we were finished with tx. Not the outcome we wanted, but I don't regret having made the various decisions we did. Talk with the RE about your concerns, and he/she should take you seriously and fill you in on why a particular number of embies makes sense. But it is in the end totally up to you. Good luck.