Anyone ever feel like it's hopeless?

[mleigh]

Hi all,
I'm new to this forum, but recently over the course of the past 2-3 wks have found it's pretty comforting when I'm really feeling down or alone. As of late, I've been feeling hopeless about ever being a momma. I've been married 9 years with no use of BC, tried numerous IUIs and just had my first failed IVF cycle. Now I'm spending all this $$ on acupuncture treatments, organic food, and supplements to try to "improve" my egg quality (which I guess is pretty p*ss poor because 9 years is a LONG time to go with not even a single pregnancy, MC, or anything). Anyway, my SIL has 3 kids, my BF is 7 months along, my other BF has a one-year old. I'm avoiding going to his b-day party this wknd and I feel like such a B for that, but I don't really like being around ANY of them. I don't want to hear "it'll happen for you, you'll get your turn" because I really don't believe I will get my turn. I've been really down, and don't know how I'm going to pick myself back up again. Not sure if a 2nd round of IVF is worth it - I had no extra embryos to freeze. My husband is, of course, perfect, and sometimes I think he should leave me, but I know that's just the crazy talking. Anyway, does anyone else out there ever feel like giving up? How do you keep going?

xo

[dg1]

I totally understand. I belong to a very child centered community, i work at a family oriented accounting firm. I am currently sitting at my desk while most of the women in the office are at a Mother's Circle meeting. I was welcome to go but I didnt think I'd feel comfortable. I also tell my husband (jokingly) that he should leave me. I don't ovulate on my own, so far I have tried chlomid- didnt ovulate 1 fresh ivf 1 fet, and am currently in my 2ww for my second fet. It is soo hard becuase I know I can only get pregnant with medical help, there is really no chance for a suprise pregnancy for me. My doctor has high hopes, so I am going to keep trying until Im succesful. I also really want a large family..........

I think you should try again.

[Amanda1021]

I feel all those same things. I also think you should try again. It takes an average of 3 ivf cycles to get a positive. Myfirst one also failed. Saving tor our second round

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[Adrienne]

Yes I felt all those feelings It was helpful to put things in the context of being infertile as a couple instead of you being "the problem" and your dh being "perfect". it is so easy to see ourselves as flawed and unworthy when we are battling and battling for what seems to come way to easy for others.

[CVGonzalez]

I can totally sympathize. What's more, I have always had this feeling deep down that I will never get to be a mother. Most likely it was triggered by some doctor when I was trying to find relief for my terrible menstrual cramps starting at age 13. I was told everything from "When you get pregnant, this will all most likely go away," to "You might have trouble getting pregnant, depending on the cause for your cramps."

Cause for cramps, never determined. Most likely enough endometriosis to cause severe pain but not enough to show up in an ultrasound or laparoscopic surgery (which I had at age 16). Also told I have a polycystic "quality" to my ovaries although I have not been dx with PCOS. Now I'm 30 and have been ttc with husband for about two years - I told him my fears early on and he told me I was being "silly" since I had never tried to get pregnant before, so how could I know? Now he is admitting that perhaps my feeling of being infertile was unfounded.

RE has found no obvious problems and we just had our first cycle of IUI with clomid. I went through the motions because I truly, truly want to be a mother, but deep down I don't believe it will work and don't even want to take the test.

Has this happened to anyone else or was infertility a "surprise" in the sense that you didn't expect it to be so difficult?

[Wingedmare]

I feel more hopeless every day. We are on year 7 ttc and I know my husband wants it as much as I do and there are days I think he would be better off to leave me to find someone who can give him a family. I am a military wife and surrounded by young incompetent mothers who whine about getting pregnant in the first place, but I have to smile and nod instead of telling them to go play in traffic.

I too have always had that gut feeling that it would just never happen. And now I am having my period an entire week early and it has never been early, ever. And I have spent the last two days crying because I know there is no miracle going on, just nature taunting me yet again. But I have to suck it up and go teach a 5, 7, and 9 yo how to ride horses. I wonder if I would have chosen teaching children as my career had I known my body is a useless husk (that's how it feels to me anyway).

I wish I had some inspiring words, or could even fake that positive attitude, but I don't and I can't. I think it should be legal for us to punch anyone who tells us "Oh, it's because you are stressing over it" "Trying is the fun part" "THINK POSITIVE!" Maybe then I would feel a bit better...

[KimAtFertilityAuthority]

Ladies,

I just wanted to offer ((hugs)) and support. I remember those feelings well.

I am sending thoughts and prayers that your time will come soon. IF sucks!

My thoughts are with you!
Kim