annoying 'gift' (long)

fluffybunny · 04-10-2005, 05:36 AM

I have a couple of friends who I get together with once or twice a month. We have a girls night out which I always look forward to. Here's the thing...one of these friends says she has a special 'gift' when it comes to telling if someone is pregnant. Really. She tells people they are before THEY even know. I've always thought that was silly but as I'm desperate for a baby I just always have that comment in the back of my head. And sometimes when I see her before I'm able to HPT and she doesn't say anything I feel disappointed. Yes I know how stupid that sounds.
Well I haven't thought about it in a while as I haven't been all that hopeful in months. I just expect AF to come and start the cycle over. This past month DH and I finally were able to do something, after 17 months of TTC, that made me feel we actually had a chance. I was on Clomid for the first time and we did our first IUI. I haven't felt hope in so long, but I let myself believe I could actually have a + HTP for a change. And it felt really good. I haven't been this happy in months!
I am in the 1ww before I can HPT and met with my friends last night. On the way to the restaurant I remembered this friends 'gift' and wished we had made plans for after my 1ww was up. When it was time for dessert I wouldn't eat any of the chocolate cake and they asked why. I explained I was staying away from certain things that I had heard could hinder conception. (You know I'm desperate if I'm saying 'no' to chocolate.) The 'gifted' friend said "you're not pregant." Just like that. I felt like I'ld been kicked. I didn't realize how much it would bother me, but her comment totally took the shine off my positive mood.
I thought I had come to a really good place with IF where I could look at other people's babies, go to showers and not be so sensitive. I haven't felt really depressed in a while. And then that one comment made me as depressed as when I found this board months ago. Now I'm feeling all weepy again and know I'll just burst into tears if family or friends ask me anything about having a baby.
FB

**BC-LittleaBige** · 04-14-2005, 11:46 AM

Fluffy,

Hi, my name is Christi, just visiting from the PCOS board. I think that sometimes when we are so desperate for something we tend to grab onto things that other people might think of as being silly. I can totally understand how her comment hurt you so much. Don't let it get you down as you may be the very one that proves that she has no "gift" at all by becoming pregnant when she says you are not!! As hard as it is don't let that take away any sunshine and hope that you had. Maybe you can talk to her and let her know that her comment hurt you a lot. I don't know how close you are with her and if that would even be an option. Keep your chin up hun, I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Keep us updated!!

Christi

Sconi · 05-23-2005, 08:56 PM

It's very unfortunate when people make comments like that. I have experienced quite a few of my own. It seems like the people who make these comments are usually the ones who have never experienced what you are going through or they are completely stupid to be that insensitive. It's not silly and it's okay to feel hurt. Granted people shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around us but you would think a friend would be more sensitive to your situation and keep a comment like that to herself.

Jennicadd · 05-25-2005, 02:44 PM

I can understand the off the cuff comments... I went away for a girls weekend and several girls said.. oh if you can't get pregnant can I be a surrogate mom for you... I would just LOOOOVVVEEE to be pregnant.

DH doesn't always get it either... he sent me shopping for a baby gift for his coworker...because according to him I would know the right thing to get...
There were 3 pg women registering at babies R Us...

I went in, bought a diaper genie (the first thing I saw) went back to the car and cried.

I'm having a rough time this week.
Jennifer

fluffybunny · 05-25-2005, 05:48 PM

Hope your week gets better Jennifer. Yep, people can be stupid. I know we're all probably extra sensitive, but people can really say stupid things when they should know better. I had a coworker go on and on about her new grandbaby to me (which is fine. She has a right to be proud and happy) but then went on to ask how MY attempts were going. I just said that DH and I were still trying. She actually told me that maybe God didn't want me to have children and that he probably had other plans for me. What ever lady. I hate when people speak for God. I just snapped "I WILL have children." and left.

fluffybunny · 05-25-2005, 05:50 PM

oh yea. Next time your husband asks you to get a baby shower gift, just get a gift certificate. That's what I do. I don't look at anything.

Sconi · 06-01-2005, 02:25 PM

Fluffybunny -- Oh! I LOVE the God comment too. I have gotten that one. "Maybe you're not meant to have children." And why would that be?

Jennicad-- Yeah. No more baby shopping. Your DH will have to do it. Now you can even order and send stuff online. No need to make you do stuff that makes you cry!

04-10-2005, 05:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
fluffybunny 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Raleigh, N.C. Posts: 5,973 Blog Entries: 227	annoying 'gift' (long) I have a couple of friends who I get together with once or twice a month. We have a girls night out which I always look forward to. Here's the thing...one of these friends says she has a special 'gift' when it comes to telling if someone is pregnant. Really. She tells people they are before THEY even know. I've always thought that was silly but as I'm desperate for a baby I just always have that comment in the back of my head. And sometimes when I see her before I'm able to HPT and she doesn't say anything I feel disappointed. Yes I know how stupid that sounds. Well I haven't thought about it in a while as I haven't been all that hopeful in months. I just expect AF to come and start the cycle over. This past month DH and I finally were able to do something, after 17 months of TTC, that made me feel we actually had a chance. I was on Clomid for the first time and we did our first IUI. I haven't felt hope in so long, but I let myself believe I could actually have a + HTP for a change. And it felt really good. I haven't been this happy in months! I am in the 1ww before I can HPT and met with my friends last night. On the way to the restaurant I remembered this friends 'gift' and wished we had made plans for after my 1ww was up. When it was time for dessert I wouldn't eat any of the chocolate cake and they asked why. I explained I was staying away from certain things that I had heard could hinder conception. (You know I'm desperate if I'm saying 'no' to chocolate.) The 'gifted' friend said "you're not pregant." Just like that. I felt like I'ld been kicked. I didn't realize how much it would bother me, but her comment totally took the shine off my positive mood. I thought I had come to a really good place with IF where I could look at other people's babies, go to showers and not be so sensitive. I haven't felt really depressed in a while. And then that one comment made me as depressed as when I found this board months ago. Now I'm feeling all weepy again and know I'll just burst into tears if family or friends ask me anything about having a baby. FB

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
annoying 'gift' (long)	fluffybunny	General Infertility	5	04-26-2005 06:08 PM
LA Inventory Reduction Orders Inside, please confirm....	Elizabeth	Auctions	53	04-09-2005 08:49 PM
Update on Girls Long, Long Over Due.	Debby & Ross	International Adoption	13	03-04-2005 12:26 PM

VISIT OUR SISTER SITES:
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar	eHarmony Advice Dating Advice	Project Wedding Wedding Songs	Weddingbee Wedding Blog


Discussion Forums Infertility Pregnancy Adoption Surrogacy Parenting Community Forum Tickers Forum Avatars Chat Room Forum Acronyms Forum FAQ _________________ Log In Register Blogs Infertility GENERAL INFORMATION Blocked Tubes (Sponsor) Counseling and Support Emotional Aspects Find the best fertility care General Procedures Infertility Myths & Facts Sperm Injection Intrauterine Adhesions Introduction to IVF Book: How to Have a Baby IVF Cost In Vitro Fertilization Infertility Risk Factors Infertility Treatments Male Factor Medications Older Female Patients Ovarian Hyperstimulation Peak Fertility Calculator Weight and Fertility Adoption ADOPTION INFOMATION Adoption Glossary Consent to Adoption Guide to Adoption Stepparent Adoption Rights of Presumed Fathers Who may Adopt Pregnancy PREGNANCY INFORMATION Baby Names Cord Blood Screening for Birth Defects Multiple Pregnancy Pregnancy Exercise Videos Pregnancy Pains Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Parenting PARENTING TIPS Child Glossary Child Safety Education Newborn Development Preschool Development Special Needs Children Toddler Development

Currently Active Chat Room Users: 1 \| Scheduled Chat Room Events
	Users in Chat Rooms: The Lobby [1] luckygurly02,

04-14-2005, 11:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
BC-LittleaBige PCOS Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Right where I want to be! Posts: 4,341	Fluffy, Hi, my name is Christi, just visiting from the PCOS board. I think that sometimes when we are so desperate for something we tend to grab onto things that other people might think of as being silly. I can totally understand how her comment hurt you so much. Don't let it get you down as you may be the very one that proves that she has no "gift" at all by becoming pregnant when she says you are not!! As hard as it is don't let that take away any sunshine and hope that you had. Maybe you can talk to her and let her know that her comment hurt you a lot. I don't know how close you are with her and if that would even be an option. Keep your chin up hun, I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Keep us updated!! Christi

05-23-2005, 08:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sconi 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: May 2005 Location: NJ Posts: 2,641	It's very unfortunate when people make comments like that. I have experienced quite a few of my own. It seems like the people who make these comments are usually the ones who have never experienced what you are going through or they are completely stupid to be that insensitive. It's not silly and it's okay to feel hurt. Granted people shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around us but you would think a friend would be more sensitive to your situation and keep a comment like that to herself.

05-25-2005, 02:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jennicadd Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: North Carolina Posts: 194	I can understand the off the cuff comments... I went away for a girls weekend and several girls said.. oh if you can't get pregnant can I be a surrogate mom for you... I would just LOOOOVVVEEE to be pregnant. DH doesn't always get it either... he sent me shopping for a baby gift for his coworker...because according to him I would know the right thing to get... There were 3 pg women registering at babies R Us... I went in, bought a diaper genie (the first thing I saw) went back to the car and cried. I'm having a rough time this week. Jennifer

05-25-2005, 05:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
fluffybunny 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Raleigh, N.C. Posts: 5,973 Blog Entries: 227	Hope your week gets better Jennifer. Yep, people can be stupid. I know we're all probably extra sensitive, but people can really say stupid things when they should know better. I had a coworker go on and on about her new grandbaby to me (which is fine. She has a right to be proud and happy) but then went on to ask how MY attempts were going. I just said that DH and I were still trying. She actually told me that maybe God didn't want me to have children and that he probably had other plans for me. What ever lady. I hate when people speak for God. I just snapped "I WILL have children." and left.

05-25-2005, 05:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
fluffybunny 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Raleigh, N.C. Posts: 5,973 Blog Entries: 227	oh yea. Next time your husband asks you to get a baby shower gift, just get a gift certificate. That's what I do. I don't look at anything.

06-01-2005, 02:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sconi 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: May 2005 Location: NJ Posts: 2,641	Fluffybunny -- Oh! I LOVE the God comment too. I have gotten that one. "Maybe you're not meant to have children." And why would that be? Jennicad-- Yeah. No more baby shopping. Your DH will have to do it. Now you can even order and send stuff online. No need to make you do stuff that makes you cry!