When people ask did you do IVF to conceive your twins....

[wantone]

I have done 4 IVF's and and happy and blessed to say that I am currently pregnant with twins 9 weeks. I am some what of a private person, but am no way embarrassed that I had help to conceive. I just feel as though it is not for every John , Dick and Harry to know about our fertility battles. I chose to tell family and close friends who are very supportive.

Question is>>> what did you tell people when they asked if you had IVF or "help" to conceive? I dont want to lie , but I feel that is rude for someone i am not close with to pry into something so personal . I know people are sometimes just being nosy, but what was your standard answer for rude, nosy, insenistive questions regarding how you conceived your multiples.

[MizzB]

Unfortuantly, with the sudden nation wide rise in multiple pregnancies along with crazies like Octo-Mom, I think that most people who ask these insensitive questions are just curious. I am not the most private of people when it comes to how we conceived because I know without IVF I would not be able to conceive biological children. With that said... I'm more of a vocal advocate so I will readily tell people that I have IVF/FET twins on the way. However, I understand your personal need for privacy. I have a book that was given to me by my Peri specific to multiple gestation pregnancies called "When you're expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads," and it addresses the insensitive questions and comments regarding twin conception.

Here are a couple of the responses that a mom of multiples made to those insensitive questions:

Q: Did you take fertility drugs?
A: Why do you ask?
Q: Do multiples run in your family?
A: I expect it won't be long before they run up and down the stairs and all over the house.

I think that you will have to find a response that is comfortable for you. Twins do run in both of our families. If I wanted to answer someone's question on whether twins run in our families, I could truthfully say yes. If it is some random person in a checkout line asking me about my pregnancy, I sometimes will say yes, twins do run in my family.... of course this is after I am asked when are you due and what am I expecting, boy or girl? I don't feel that I should have to go into any further personal details regarding my pregnancy to complete strangers and this answer will almost always shut them up.

I can honestly tell you that the further in your pregnancy you get, the bigger you will become and this happens much sooner than with a singleton pregnancy. I am at the stage where everyone thinks that I will deliver soon, even though I still have 8 weeks to go!! This has become my own personal issue. I feel compelled to let everyone know that I am having more than one baby. And that the reason that I am much bigger than someone else pregnant at 28 weeks, is not because I am overindulging in food but because I am carrying twins.

Unfortuantly, as the multiple book states, in our society, pregnant women are viewed as public property and even moreso when you are expecting multiples.

Congrats on your twin pregnancy! I wish you a H&H 9 months.

[Tess914]

Hi there I also sometimes feel that it is rude for people to ask; although most are just curious...but some of the quesitons I've gotten are:

Are these natural twins? ....ugh
Do twins run in the family?
Did you guys get help?
ETC ETC ETC

Like Ailese said, the questions get more and more as you get bigger. We also have twins on my side of the family so when I don't feel like answering the obvious, I just say yes, twins do run in our family. Otherwise, I may also just say that we used fertility treatments after years of trying. What urks me even more is that I have a 2 1/2 y/o at home and when they ask if I have any other kids (more rudeness), and I say yes, I always get the comment of OMG, you are going to have your hands full (with a look of shock and disgust on their faces) etc etc. So, I just say, yes - we've been wanting this for a long time! We are very excited!
I had one of my neighbors even say "you poor thing" when she found out I was having twins. Nice one, huh?

[wildfire]

I am not a M of M but I would look at them with a shocked expression and say "Why in the world would you ask something so personal?"

Or something along that line.

And then I would just stare at them until they changed the topic.


I use this for lots of stuff that people ask about that is NOTB.

[HCJ]

I'm only 19 weeks along and have already received this question a number of times. I also think it's a strange question, but have found that after I tell them it's IVF, most people end up sharing an IVF story of their own (either their own, a sibling, close friend, etc) - maybe that is why they are asking? We were at the swimming pool the other day and I was talking to a women who was there with 2 year old triplets. Odds are they were also IVF, and probably from the same clinic (we are military and it was at the base pool), but I didn't want to ask her since I didn't really know her. It would have been neat talking to her about her experience, though...

With all of the bad press IVF has been getting because of Octomom, I'm happy to share a more successful (in my eyes) IVF story. As others have said, though, it's really a personal matter as to how comfortable you feel telling people it's an IVF pregnancy - I love some of the suggested responses.

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy!

[formerly sam]

We are very open about the fact that we did IVF (many times!) so it doesn't really bother me to tell people how they were conceived. That being said I really dont' think it is anyones business and that it is a little rude to ask. I have to admit that I have occasionally asked but only because I have been through it all and its nice to meet others who have too. However, if I hadn't been through it before I don't think there is any way I would ever ask another person if they had. People should just congratulate you and move on.

[formerly sam]

I also think it's funny when people ask you if twins run in the family to just say "No". Then they look at you funny and don't know what to say. Kind of wierd. It's like they want you to say yes and continue that conversation. I actually don't tell strangers it's twins unless they ask what I'm having and I tell them both a boy and girl. Sometimes they look at me crazy when I tell them that I'm not due for another 6 weeks, but I don't care what they think. Mostly I just want to end the conversation and get on with what I was doing. Seriously I could have the same "twin" conversation with 10 different people when I go to Costco. I just don't have time for that.

[DKippy]

I've been recently bombarded with these types of questions. Then again, we do have IVF twins, and are expecting triplets. Most of the time I'm honest with my responses. Like the others, I see it as a chance to "educate" them on some level. There are so many misconceptions out there. Don't even get me started on Octomom... grrr.
I have lied about my due date just to avoid the follow up questions. I'm almost 18 wks with 3, so I look like I'd be due a LOT sooner than I am.

I've heard one response to the "Did you have help" question that I absolutely LOVE:
"Yes, we did, from God"

Good luck and congrats on your duo

Kathy

[cntrygrl23]

I usually tell them that yes, we did do fertility treatments. Especially when they see that we have a 15 year old and then a 5 year old. I always get comments about the age difference. I just let them know it wasn't by choice, we couldn't conceive again. They usually get "kinda" embarassed after that. Then they ask if I am due soon and I just say NO. Then just tell them it's triplets and YES we had to do fertility treatments again. I usually get the "what are you going to do" question. I just tell people that I am going to drink a lot and that I am registered at the liquor store if they want to buy me something. They usually shut up after that. LOL

[Tess914]

Originally Posted by DKippy

I've heard one response to the "Did you have help" question that I absolutely LOVE:
"Yes, we did, from God"

I love this too!!!! Good one