How do you get through each day waiting?? LONG VENT

[tryenagain]

After three miscarriages I am pregnant again. I never thought I would say this but I am not happy. I cant be. I want to be as kids are my world and I would have a million if I could. I just keep feeling so sad because I do not know how I can handle another loss. My pregnancy after my first loss I was so excited. I started thinking immediately of names and how great it was going to be and although I didnt tell my other children yet I could picture them as great older brothers and sisters and then I lot the baby and for a year my word was turned upside down. I suffered from severe depression and was put on medication and went through counseling and well life went on. When I got pregnant again, thankfullly in a way it was such an early loss I didnt have much time to get used to even being pregnant. Now here I am miserable. I have an US next week but to me thats not easing my mind because the second loss I had an us at 8 weeks and baby was fine with a great heartbeat and all and then 4 weeks later..it was over. This pregnancy is a whole new situation..I havent told anyone including the daddy. I lay here all day just staring at the computer. I am afraid to get up and do housework or anything. For one I have NO energy but I dont want to take any chance of doing ANYTHING wrong but I know sitting here isnt helping me emotionaly. I am reaching out for I guess some understanding. Maybe someone can relate to how I am feeling? Surely I am not completely crazy. If I am completely crazy thanks atleast for letting me vent!! 5 weeks to go until 13 weeks and I dont know how I will ever make it!
Shannon

[BC-MiracleTwins]

Oh hun. I am so so sorry for your losses. I can really relate to how you feel.
I m/c at 6wk and it was my 1st pregnancy. It hit hard. But knew i could finally get preg.
I lost twins at 20 and 21wks. I delivered them 1 week apart ( long story).
6mon later i got preg again, and was terrified of another loss. I surrounded myself with support and didnt tell anyone till 12wk. They are now 22mon. I am now pregnant again but with 1 baby. It all seems to real, but knowing nothing is guaranteed is still scary. We just told family today.


I hope and pray this pregnancy sticks and that you will be able to bring this baby home safe and sound. You have angels watching over you now. Please feel free to post here as often as you need, even if it is to vent.

Many hugs.

[Ferret Mommy]

I understand what you mean. I had an early loss @ 6 weeks but then when I got preg with the twins, and saw a heart beat on one, went back to see the other to only lose them both I was devastated. We are still TTC, but I know when I finally see a second pink line, all the fear will just come back.

I have quit my job in hopes of getting rid of all the negative and stress that I have been dealing with... so I hope that helps, but the fear of another loss is so real with us and you have to take it day by day. I wish I had the words to make things better or could promise everything will be ok.. but all we can do is pray and have faith that God knows the desire of your heart.

[SC-Sherb]

tryenagain, I'm so very sorry for your losses hon! Many hugs to you!

Congrats on your current pregnancy! I know that you are experiencing so many different emotions right now and they are all completely normal. Just take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time and keep reminding yourself that right now, you are pregnant! Stop reading all the stuff on the internet about m/c's as it will just drive you crazy!

I was only 18 when I had my first m/c. It hurt but being so young at the time, I didn't really have time to think about it that much. Life just moved on. Now that I'm older, I do think about that baby alot and what life would be like if he had made it (I always thought it was a boy). Then I had my first DS and then my DD. We always wanted 3 or 4 but waited quite a while after #2 to try again. When I got pregnant with what we thought was #3, we were devastated when I m/c'd at 10 weeks. Everything was perfect up until 9 1/2 weeks when I started bleeding and then it all fell apart.

We definitely wanted a 3rd and even though I wanted to try right away, I was still so very scared of getting pregnant again. But we did. The first 3 mths were a scary blur that's for sure. Every little twinge, every symptom that came and went sent me in to panic mode. I couldn't go to the bathroom without checking the tp every single time!!! I was just on alert waiting for something to go wrong. I even quit going to the gym and pretty much did nothing in the evening after work because I was afraid that I had done something wrong during the previous pregnancy. I wouldn't let my DH touch me until I was well past the 12 week mark, just for my own sanity. We also didn't tell our older kids or other family until we made it out of the 1st trimester. I just felt better keeping it a secret until I felt comfortable.

Having said that, I really think you should tell the baby's daddy so that you can get some support from him. Let him know how you feel. Talk to him.

One thing that helped was joining a due date board here and talking with other ladies that were going through it as well. Just having someone to talk to about every day things was a huge help. I took it a week at a time and every week that went by, I celebrated that I was still pregnant. That 12 week milestone was enormous. Then I would do 16 weeks, and so on. Set little goals for yourself. Like I said even if it's just 1 day or 1 week. I know how hard it is to stay positive but just keep reminding yourself that you are pregnant and keep talking to your little one and telling he/she that you love them and can't wait until they are born.

I am sending you lots of prayers, hugs, and positive thoughts for a happy and healthy 9 mths! Please keep us updated on your pregnancy and please PM me if you need anything. I'm here to help you in any way that I can!

[SC-Sherb]

tryenagain, just wondering how you are doing hon. Update when you can and let us know.