Hello ladies,
I don't think I have ever admitted on F/T that I suffered terribly from PPD, or to be more specific, Post Partum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder borderline Psychosis. Racked with shame, I never had the courage. Today, after many months of treatment, I felt the need to share with other women suffering my illness, how debilitating it can be, and how amazing it is that I am still here today.
First I would like to say something to those that are currently suffering or who think they might be suffering:
You will recover!!!!!!
After proper treatment, all women can recover from this illness.
You are not alone!!!!
One in five women experience PPD
This is not your fault!!!!
You did not create this. This is a biochemical illness.
You are a good mom!!!!
The fact that you are trying to understand this and that you are trying to improve your quality of life means that you are a good mom.
It is essential for you to take care of yourself!!!
It is your job to take care of yourself so you can get better and take care of your family.
You are doing the best that you can!!!
No matter what your current level of functioning, you are taking steps, regardless of how small they may seem. Good for you!
Now to my story...
I had my DD 2 years ago after a 7 year bout with infertility. 3 days after I gave birth my world came crashing down around me. I couldn't understand how I could feel so horrible when I finally had what I worked so hard for...a baby.
I called my OB 4 days after the onset of my PPD when I realized that it was not an ordinary case of the baby blues. Thank God I called. I was hesitant at first to accept treatment. Fears that the authorities would take my baby away consumed me and I could not take DD out of the house. I was having hallucinations and dellusional thoughts (which I will not post here...not that I am ashamed to any longer, but if anyone reading this is dealing with intrusive thoughts, it could be a trigger).
My DH and mom finally took me to my health care provider. I would not have been able to do so myself since I was no longer *here*. 11 months after the birth of my daughter I was finally falling in love with her. 2 years later my illness is no longer...but as I approach another IVF cycle in the hopes of conceiving again I have set up a vast support system around me which includes family, friends and dr's/therapists who will begin treating me before I have the baby.
Noone should have to suffer at all. Noone should suffer alone. If you feel you might be suffering from some sort of post partum mood disorder, seek help IMMEDIATELY. If my family had not been in tune to me, I would not be here today.
Above this thread there is a pinned thread with a list of resources. Please use them. Although probably the scariest time of anyone's life, there is a cure. You cannot cure yourself!. And again...you are not alone.
With much love and understanding
Mary
