Another Babysitter issue

[Andi3]

First of all, so glad FT is back up again. I don't come here often but really missed it this weekend. As long as there are a few stter threads out now I thought I'd ad mine. Unfortunately, it's bad news.

We have been using a neighborgirl for 2-1/2 years. She has always done pretty well until recently. Over the last 6 months her 'job perfomance' has greatly diminished. I wondered if it was Bcause the kids were tougher.

But another neighbor was talking to me last night and I got the feeling that it really is this girl struggleing to find her place in life/school.......

The neighbor's friend works at the school and says the girl had been skipping school.....the girl's mom told me her daughter has been having some issues with her and her hubby's parenting style changes (she is the oldest and sees siblings treated differently. (ran into her at the store)

I have definitely seen some red flags and had already decided to cut back on how much we use her. It's nothing huge, just things like relying on videos a LOT, not cleaning up, small things I don't like her doing. I'm just not sure whether to discuss it with her parents (not great friends with them but do talk when we see each other out and about) I'm guessing they know all the issues but do I owe them a explanation of why I won't be asking her to sit as much?

She's a junior in high school so I feel for her needing to find her place. I just don't know how to approach it. Talk to her? Her parents? I really do care that she's changed in not so good ways but not sure how to handle it.

Here's the kicker, their youngest child is the same age as my 3 and I don't want to ruin my kid's future friendships with this child who they enjoy when they see her.

Thanks for listening,

Andi

[writer4kids]

Given all the information you said, I'd definitely cut back on using her to babysit... just make it like you aren't going out as much or something like that. The red flags are huge when you are talking about your children! You are not responsible to inform her parents unless you just feel the need to do so; I have a feeling they probably know more than you think and are either not doing anything to help their daughter or are struggling to find a way to help her. Take care of your family. I know it must be an awkward situation.

[pattycakemom]

I would cut back too. I would only offer the information to her mom if she asks.

[Andi3]

Thanks girls! It sounds like I'm doing the right thing. I suppose that telling her mom bad things about her daughter could be construed as interfering, so I won't say anything unless I'm asked. I do worry about her since she used to do such a good job and was really a good kid. I sincerely hope she and her family are able to work through this.

We do have another sitter or 2 that we might be able to use. The only problem is that the one we don't want to use lives just a house or 2 away and can easily see if there's a sitter's car in the driveway. That might make it a bit more tricky. Maybe I can tell them that the college girl we have really needs more hours to pay for stuff for school.

We have a neighborhood get together in a few weeks. I guess I'll have to figure out a plan before that.....well, just what I will/won't tell them.

Thanks,

Andi