Thoughts on coming off the bench....pg mentioned

[China2007]

While I was waiting to cycle again I was so frustrated and couldn't wait to get back in the saddle.

Now that it is getting closer I am getting scared. I have cycled 13 times had 11 IUIs and only one BFP. That is not the greatest track record.

Can I stand another BFN?

I am also scared of a BFP, I am 39, what if?

Dh wants to quit but will continue "to make me happy" How much longer can I put this strain on our relationship before it is damaged beyond repair?

I have been on Metformin for eight weeks. Eight weeks of diarrhea, nausea and other nasties. After all that how can I give up without at least trying a couple more times?

I am so close to the end of the journey part of me is scared to continue and part of me is scared to stop.

I used to be sooooooo sure we were meant to have another child but now part of me is wondering if it was all wishful thinking. Maybe all the DHACs are right and I should just thank God for my dd and quit.

I know this is rambling and probably doesn't make any sense.

Just having a pity party.

Thanks for listening.
Beth
ttc #2 on the bench until the thaw

[JulieB2]

HUGS. I think we cant just tell ourselves we MUST be happy with what we have. Because we already are. Because we have one and we still desperately want another doesn't mean that we arent thrilled and totally inlove with that first child. Its like when folks tell me that i should be happy that i have my daughter and they have two or three kids, i ask, well why didnt you stop with one? Because you wanted more. And you got it. I havent yet, so stop telling me to be happy.

YOU have to get to the point where you feel that way. Not because someone told you that you should feel that way. No matter how much someone tells you that, you wont be until you make it to that place on your own.

Be strong and be good to yourself. You'll either get there on your own or continue your struggle. Either way, we are here for you.

[eaglet]

Beth - if you're still having a rough time with the side effects of the metformin, you might want to consider trying the extended release version. The side effects are much, much, much easier than the regular, at least for me. It's called metformin ER (same as Glucophage XR). I take them all at once at night.

If you're not ready to give up, then you're not ready to give up. Keep at it a little while longer!

-eaglet