Help....keeping my 19 month olds safe when outside is driving me crazy!

[bkln12]

I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that this will change....soon, maybe? I have 19 month old b/g twins and my son is a handful. He can be so much fun- he's really funny and loves to play and is very sweet with his sister. But when he's outside at the playground (we live in a city) or anywhere outside of home, he is incredibly independent and wants to see everything, go everywhere, and do everything without regard for where we are or safety. Examples: he will run out of the playground toward the street if he gets a chance, he will run away from us in the park without looking back, he will pick up trash, climb all kinds of stairs, gates, water fountains, etc. THis weekend he hit his head pretty hard climbing some stone stairs. Basically, it's exhausting trying to keep him safe. And he throws a fit when you try to stop him from doing what he wants to do (which of course i do if it's dangerous). Anyway, add to this his normally curious and active twin sister, and I am exhausted keeping up with them. Even on the weekend when it's me and my husband watching them it feels like such a chore rather than a fun outing. We see other parents in our building and neighborhood watching one calm toddler and we feel like we are living in a completely different universe.
When does this crazy risk taking behavior begin to even out? When will he stop running for the exit of a playground and start enjoying staying put and playing?
Thanks!

[jan21]

This is a VERY hard age. The only way I could take mine out at that age was I found a small playground that was completely surrounded by a fence (with a gate) and had no swings (one of my dd's ONLY wanted to be in the swing, the other would run into it and get hurt). So we went to this small playground, one of my dd's liked to just sit in the sandbox, the other one would climb etc but it was small and I could handle it. I tried to go to some other playgrounds and I couldn't. So I drove 20 min to this one.

It does get better, can't remember how long but sorry to say you have at least another year to go.

It is so easy to be jealous watching other parents who just have one child and see how seemingly easy it is. Then they have another baby and they realize what you were talking about!

[BC-Sparrow]

I have the same issues. I was at the library with my two today, and about a half hour in, my ds kept wandering off towards the lobby. My dd plays in the children's room, but he just wants to wander about. After about 5 times trying to get him to stay with us, I gave up. I packed them up and went home.

My dd has a better comprehension of language, so I can tell her to come back and she will, but my ds doesn't seem to "get it".

No advice for you, just wanted to let you know that I hear you.

btw-Jan, you are totally right...all the moms with one kid there seemed so relaxed and taking it easy.

[Lois]

Yes, it is a very hard age, they are so mobile, curious, and quick, but don't yet follow rules very well. I can't really think of a solution to your park issue unless you can find a safer one away from a busy street, etc, or take your dh or another mom with you. The other mom could probably manage your dd while you try to control ds yet let him have fun. I would keep repeating that it's not safe to go in the street, or whatever phrase you want to use. if he repeatedly misbehaves and can't be redirected, leave-that will help him learn what is expected. You are so right that it is a chore. I remember coming back here to FT after a trip out of town when mine were that age--it wasn't fun at all--they wouldn't sleep, were cranky, etc etc. It DOES get easier. For me, I found that about age 2 1/2, they had alot better grasp of language and we could negotiate/rationalize with them much better. hang in there!!

[Margarete Anne]

This is a really tough age for taking them out by yourself or even with your dh....they just want to roam, it is the job description of an eighteen month old, I think. Like Jan, I found a park that was completely fenced with a latched gate, and they could walk/roam to their hearts content and there were no swings to knock them over if they strayed in the way. As I remember, it was the only place I went with them not in a stroller. In another six to nine months you will notice a big difference as they will have a better command of the spoken language and the routine of the places you take them. Your son is probably going to be an adventurous little soul; it's okay, and who he is. It will just take a bit ore creativity, as he grows, to keep him entertained.

And, like others on this thread, mom's of singleton will never understand what it is like to have toddler multiples. Do you belong to a Mother's of Multiples Club? Socializing with other mother's of multiples really is so much more the world you live in. Good luck and enjoy your babies.....it just goes by so fast.

[AshRS]

We are in the same situation. Going out is HARD! I have yet to take them to a park by myself, but come summer, I will want to, and have no idea how to do it. I probably just won't, at least not by myself.

[lakergirl95]

I remember that stage and it was soooo hard! We could only do it on the weekends/evenings when dh was home. And yes, even then we were tired after because it is such a workout! My boys just turned 3 and I still won't take them to an "open" playground by myself (1 of my boys is a real runner!). Other MoMs probably could by this age, but our park is close to the road and it makes me too nervous.

We signed our boys up for Gymboree (play & music class) when they were 14 months old. It gave them a safe, contained environment to play in. They still love it. I also have 1 SAHM friend who helped me a lot. Her kids were a little older & she could help me juggle my 2. Again, still a lot of work, but it does get easier and more manageable. Just remember that everything is a phase & they'll move on. Do what you can to have some (safe) fun, but skip whatever makes it too stressful. Hang in there!

[Andi3]

I used to go and check out any playground by myself before I would try taking my trio. I'm sure singleton moms just did not get that. If possible I would actually walk around the park trying to find any hazard areas. If I didn't get to check it out beforehand, I might even do a quick run around it before the kids were out of their carseats/stroller(s) just so I knew where I could let them roam and where I'd need to herd them away from. I remember thinking, "Oh, DS will really want to go check that out.....is it safe....how do I keep him from danger?" Sometimes the chances for danger were too much and I would just mark that park off as one we could not visit.

DD1 is actually my wanderer. She just has to go check everything out. We have tried scaring her into thinking she's been lost (like we are all around the corner while she's off exploring somewhere fairly safe) but she still just has the explorer bug and is almost done with 2nd grade. It still makes us nervous sometimes, but we just have to do our best and hope for the best a bit.

I do agree that if they don't cooperate with you trying to keep them safe that you should leave the playground. Eventually they will get that if they want to be able to play that they need to follow the rules. It might also help to try to go at times of day that they are at their best.....not tired, or hungry, etc.

Do remember that it might still be a challenge to take them places, but that the payoff is great for them too. They have so many new experiences to enjoy, even if it's not always so enjoyable for us moms. Try to treasure their new discoveries as they learn about the world. I remember having to tell myself that I wanted to let them learn and grow and even if this activity wasn't fun for me, it was helping them to develop into great little people.

Honestly, I think as triplets they did miss out on many things that I would have happily done with only one child. I wish I had tried to do more with them when they were little, but I just did my best at the time. It is scary to see them try new things and even get hurt by trying too much. I'm not sure how to say this without it sounding callous, but kids really are tougher than us moms think. Bumps and bruises and ouchies are kinda part of growing up and some lessons we do need to learn the hard way (as long as it's not too hard to learn)

Also, it seems like an eternity now but they really are little for such a short time. In a year or two you will be amazed at how much they have grown and learned. It may still be a challenge but they will better understand the rules and it will get easier and easier to handle them on your own.

Good luck,

Andi
g/b/g triplets age 8

[Andi3]

It might also help to think of it as kind of a strategy game. Cover the exit(s) and hazard areas and try to keep them contained. Who knew motherhood could be so much like the secret service?

Andi

[bkln12]

Hi Everyone,
I know it's many months later, but I just wanted to thank all those who responded to my post. I just had a chance to read the later responses recently. They made me realize that even though the situation is not greatly improved, it does get better little by little. Also reminded me that I'm not alone in this and raising toddler twins is no easy task.
Right now my little runner has gotten faster, but also more agile, so he's less likely to get hurt. He's also just starting to respond to limits and short 'time outs' in the stroller are working to reinforce the rules.
Any other insights are still greatly appreciated!