Haven't been here in a long time, but need help

[TamiK]

My two just turned 4 years old

I'm hoping someone here can help. It's not a huge issue, but it's about drives me bonkers.

Everytime we go to get in the car to leave they begin fighting over who gets to sit on the driver's side. One of them usually yell it before we even get out the door to go to the car. And then there is a mad dash to the car with both of them yelling, "no! I want the driver's side", and if one gets in first and gets on the driver side, the other ones ends up in tears. And the "straw that broke the camel's back" so to speak, and made me realize I NEED to do something, is that today in a parking lot they made a mad dash to be the one to get to the car to be on the driver's side, and completely ignored me telling them to stop (there were people walking right my door and the kids were running straight into them), and could have ran past into traffic.

This happened once before, about 6 months ago, only they wanted to sit on the passenger side. The way I fixed that was to tell them that whover sits on the driver side gets to pick the movie they watch. So Abigail happily moved to the driver side, and Caleb didn't protest. So, possibly I triggered the whole "driver side" fight, but I don't think so. That lasted for a few weeks where she would remind me that she got to pick the movie, but then they started taking turns picking the movie.

Somewhere along the way they relaxed about it, and for a while it wasn't an issue. Until about the last month.

Because one of them HAS to sit on the driver side, after a few days of screaming crying fits I decided to do "Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe" and they accepted that, although there were still a few tears.

But even though they know I will do eenie meenie miney moe, they still rush/push/scream cry to the car. And in between stops at stores, etc.

I've thought of doing one ride there on the way into town, and one on the way home, and that will work, but then I still have to deal with the stops in between.

I've also thought of doing it where they have assigned days, but then there are days we don't go anywhere. Or Abigail has it one trip, and Caleb the next. And then I can see me having to keep a chart to keep track...I'm scatterbrained.

Ideally, I'd like to curtail the screaming/crying/pushing/shoving, but don't know how. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions on how to handle it?

And just another thought...today when Abigail was sitting on the passenger side she said "I want to see you Mommy" and I told her she could see me from that side, but I think they like sitting on the driver side so they can see me in the rear view mirror. I'm not sure if that's it or what? I just don't know what the big draw is to that side.


Sorry for such a long post. I just don't know how to handle this.

[Polly wog]

Another twin mum gave me this idea.
we have days for each child.ie.
mon is Child 1
tuesday is child 2
wed is child 3.
you get the idea.
So THAT child gets to pick first,have first cuddle or pick the movie
etcetc......
It SAVED us a LOT of stress...
I made up card with their names on them and stuck them up on the wall for each child when it was THEIR day.
(I only put dots on the calender now but my guys are older than yours.)

As for the fighting thing......tell them "you WILL walk nicely with mummy...." Make them hold your hands.tell them there is NO option.this is your ONLY choice.so either you do as I ask or we won;'t go out.

hugs.its hard this parenting gig............

[dmbucky7]

I think I remember you posting about the car thing before because it was kinda going on here. For whatever reason the boys have pretty much claimed their own seat now and usually get mad when the other occasionally wants to sit in "their" seat. Very rarely do they both want to trade seats on the same day For us it really is how they want to sit by whoever is in front of them. Paul always wants to sit behind me and if I'm driving, he wants to follow me to that side, which usually causes a big problem (luckily, I don't drive that often).
Can you just take the DVD player out of the car and tell them "this seat is A's and this seat is C's"??
I think pollywog is right to start each outing with "you WILL hold my hand when we're not in the car,etc".
Good luck!!

[_g_]

i feel your pain. dd and ds (little ds) do this every day, every trip to the car. and dd is 5 1/2. they shove each other, race, whatever it takes to get there.

we just alternate. this trip this way, it's your turn, and the next time in the car it is your turn, and then your turn, etc. we still get massive crying from the "losing passenger" ---- too bad.

[Lois]

I had forgotten about the "day" idea. I think it was Margaret Anne that used it....for the whole day it's their turn to pick everything. worth a try I guess. I don't blame you for being frustrated---they are putting themselves at risk not listening to you and ruining your outings....sigh....My friend has two ds's 2 yrs apart. They got a new van with the automatic door (this was some years back), and her kids fought tooth and nail about who got to push the button for that silly door. My twins have always had their own seats in the car and at the table. Every so often they will mutually agree to trade but usually that only lasts one or two trips. But we have our share of other battles....I still have trouble staying patient because inevitably it is over the silliest, pettiest, small stuff! Good luck!

[TamiK]

Thanks ladies! I got a suggestion in my blog from KL and she said maybe I could do it by week, and that seems like a good solution. If I do it that way, I can make a calendar and put it by the door so that when we go out they can see their name on the current week and know whose turn it is.

I can't decide now if day to day or week to week would be best. A week is a LOOOONG time for them to wait, and it's hard for them to understand that NEXT week will be their turn.

Today they "drew straws" before we left the house to see who go to sit on the drivers side and Caleb won. He got to sit there all day and I told Abigail she gets to do it tomorrow. We only had tears when we first left the house, and almost tears one other time, but other than that it worked great!

Thanks for the ideas!

[teresab]

With mine I always took turns one today one tomorrow. Now they do not care and never ask to trade

[MomNC]

We have a problem with Nicholas wanting to be first at everything. His OT started a chart where whoever goes SECOND gets a star. And at 10 stars, they get a prize.

Now....this works when we are at OT...not as much at home. But it is another idea.

[smileygirl]

Wow, I never knew this was even an issue with other people!!! My kids have ALWAYS sat in the same exact carseat, every single day. We've never switched places or sides. Gavin behind the driver's seat, Blake in the middle, Brooklyn behind the passenger seat. Now, Brooklyn's carseat harness straps are set higher than Blake's so they can't switch anyway.

I don't have any suggestions to fix the problem other than to make their seating arrangements permanent?

[sheryl]

Mine has assigned seats and can only switch when their twins agrees. But in your case, I would do the weekly or month calendar. They are going to have to learn to wait their turn. If they start having problems with the routine, then put them in timeout or take away something when they get home.

The best thing to do is to put some routine in place, don't get sucked into their meltdowns, have a consequence firmly in place if they have these meltdowns (that they totally understand about), and be consistant in the discipline. The more you get pulled into the drama, the worse it all is for everyone. It's only going to get worse if this behavior keeps up. Plus, these lessons will have to be learned in school, so they won't have this issue in school if you deal with it now.