L's tantrums are normal and not a medical condition.....

[KL]

Just ignore her tantrums I was told by her ped today. Hang in there she said. It will pass. This is the toughest stage of toddlerhood she said. And she offered some suggestions. I listened and nodded my head and promptly asked for book suggestions to arm me against this wild ride I am on called parenting toddlers.

I think I am supposed to be relieved. And I am but now my concern has shifted from concern for L's health to concern for my sanity. OMG I can not believe how naughty she has become. Where did my little angel go? I had not posted about her fits before this because I was so afraid something was wrong I just kept it to myself. She intentionally bangs her forehead on the ground if I am giving K attention. She throws herself backwards onto the ground while screaming and yelling and kicking- she fully expects I will catch her before she hits the ground. These behaviors have resulted in some nasty head bumps on the hard wood floors. She sticks her head between my legs when I am unable to pick her up and whines and cries while holding my pant legs. Sometimes even when I am holding her she is still not happy until I stand up, hold her firmly and walk, sway or bounce like when she was small. When I am changing K's diaper she will sometimes start screaming while crawling all over me trying to get in my lap or will cling to the front of me.
If I am in kitchen for a few minutes making their lunch she stands at gate screaming/crying with tears running down her face. If DH is watching and playing with them while I do laundry etc she screams for me every time she gets a glimpse of me or hears me. He says it is much easier to watch the girls if I leave and run errands than if I am home but busy. Poor K is so sick of this. So is DH. And so am I.
No need to respond. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[GalaxyGirl]

[SusanCan]

My doctor said if the terrible twos start early they will finish early. It is so hard to deal with them. My regret is I didn't get more help so I wouldn't be bearing the brunt of it all the time. Make sure you get some help and find time for yourself too!

I'm glad you asked your doctor, and tantrums are a normal part of development (not always pleasant though!), but also listen to your motherly instincts. I always felt that my dd's tantrums weren't "quite right". She is now being treated for some sensory issues, has some difficulties at her school and still has some meltdowns over things I don't think she should. People kept telling me she would grow out of it. I wish I had more information earlier. I'm not saying that as any concern to you, but to just do what you feel is right.

Take care and big hugs during this challenging age!

[KTJ]

Joe does the same thing. How long has she been doing it? Joe is only 15 months old. Did the pediatrician give you any good book recommendations?

[ALISA]

Sophia did the exact same thing and it was horrible. I went to bed in tears almost every night and felt helpless. The stage lasted from about 17 months to about 19 months and it was exhausting. I think you just need to keep telling yourself that it will get better.

[Keiki]

Tantrums are completely normal for toddlers. I'm with Susan, though, that from age one, I always thought something was different and worrisome about my boys tantrums (P and B) and turns out they both had sensory issues and later on we learned about the OCD. Tantrums to things of a sensory nature - lights, sounds, extreme movement, touch, etc. are things to watch for.

Her tantrums, as you describe them, sound to me like some separation anxiety. She's not liking that she isn't getting your 100% attention. Hang in there and make sure you do get some breaks now and then.

[KL]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. It really does help.

Katie-Maybe we can send Joe and Laine off to baby boot camp to straighten them out. Just kidding of course. L has been overly demanding of my attention in one form or another since birth. As a baby she had to be held a lot (I spent some days on the verge of tears worried K would not know how much she is loved because L took all the attention). L had colic. Was more difficult to sleep train than K. Was easily overstimulated by company when she was an infant. Very challenging overall. She has always cried for my attention. We try to work through it and it gets a bit better and then she will get sick (cold or fever) and we regress and are not only at square 1 again but it seems worse than before. I have always found a way to explain it. I would say when she is more mobile (she walked late at 14 mos) she will not need me as much but now she is walking and running and still it is bad. The situation has been horrible since probably somewhere around 12-14 mos because I remember voiceing concerns at her 15 mos checkup also. If has been going on a while. The level of violence that her tantrums are at now has only been going on for 1-2 months. The book recommendations are ones I have heard about here so it was nice to have those mentioned again. They are 1-2-3 Magic, Your One Year Old by Ames, "Talk so Your Kids will Listen. Listen so Your Kids will Talk", and one title she could not remember but said it was by someone named Dinkerman or Dinkermyer. I am so tired I do not even want to read.

[LBWP]

K-so this seems to be very normal. We went thru this w/our ds. He used to bang his head on the floor &/or wall too & I would just cringe. I remember him throwing himself on the floor in a kicking fighting tantrum just to get us to come & console him/get attention. I started telling him that he could just lay there & throw his tantrum as long as he wanted to (even in public) & whenever possible I would walk the other way ignoring him & leaving him totally alone. I wouldn't even talk or look at him. I would tell him that until he stopped his behavior, I had nothing to say to him & I had to stick it out as long as it took. It was excruciatingly painful for me. I would ask him if it hurt when he banged his head because he has big red knots on it & it sure looks like it hurts. I remember being soooo scared that he would crack his head open & we'd have to go to the ER. That was a huge fear of mine, obvously being put at risk for being reported to DFACS. Thankfully it never happened & eventually it did stop & then we moved onto some other bad behavioral issue. We battled a terrible biting phase that sometimes I thought dd wouldn't live through she got ate up so much. That phase has been over for quite some time now. My ds is also very demanding for attention & get's jealous of his sister if she is the one getting attention over him. He thinks the world revolves around him & he'll do just about anything to prove he can empower us, even through bad behavior. Best of luck to you w/the keeping of your sanity. I'll admit that there are days & times that I just lose it due my cup runneth over.

L (42)
Mom to "K&E" 3.7

[Lois]

Hugs!! It is very tiring. I would suggest "rewarding" her with attention/time/you when she IS behaving nicely. Sounds like she needs attention but if you give it during the tantrum that will reinforce the behavior. Sounds like she qualifies as being "strong-willed". I have one like that....always has to be first, is constantly hurting her twin, etc. It's the other one who has tantrums.....she doesn't do physical harm at all, but just SCREAMS!! I just read that tantrums often recur during the preschool years which was a relief to me as I certainly thought we should be winding down with them by almost 4.5. Anyway.....take one day at a time. Your not doing anything wrong. Parenting is definitely a challenge!

[m(or)]

It does sound like she may have some sensory issues. Hopefully Beth can give you more info. At 18 months it is usually seperation anxiety though. Mine were the worst when tired or hungry. We brought graham crackers everywhere and those helped a lot.