Feeling sad over twin comparison

[scoute]

Its so hard not to compare your kids especially when they are twins. Jenna has some of her own delays but she is doing so great and loves playing with other children. I had a bad night with Jasen last night. He was up alot. So, this morning dh took Jenna out for breakfast while Jasen & I slept in. When I got up Jenna & dh were sitting at the kitchen table. She looked like such a big girl. Dh said she attracted alot of attention when they went out (she always does). She is very friendly. I thought it was darling that they had a daddy & daughter morning. But, it breaks my heart that we dont' have times like this with Jasen. I never even know how he will do when we go out. He wouldnt sit at the table with no booster and be calm as long as Jenna did. He wouldnt engage in a conversation. I just told dh that our lives would be so much easier if he could be functioning near where Jenna was. He is still baby like in many ways. It just makes me so sad sometimes.

Lisa

[cindyjumper]

Sending lots of

My girls are only 17 months apart, oldest has autism, and I am constantly reminded of how far she is delayed when her younger sis is ahead of her in so many things. It IS hard, I truly understand and I share your feelings.

Cindy

[JennNJ]

Also sending hugs your way. Even though my boys aren't twins, I feel the same way you do sometimes. It is difficult when you see one doing so well the the other so far behind.

[Lori]

I know....I know....I know... ;-(

Same things happens here all the time. Wayne spends alot of special 1:1 time with Natalie that he would NEVER do with Chase. In fact, Wayne really doesn't have much of a relationship with Chase to be honest.

Its depressing...it sucks...and, it never seems to get any better. For us, it has only gotten older as they get older.

Lori

[Bernadette]

I understand too We tried to eat out last night, it was awful. My husband had to leave with Frederick, after he shoved some food down his throat. Anna was mortified.
I could have written your post. I wish I had some answers.

[Doreen]

I could have written it too.

Cory is doing things...well, things a 4 yr old should do. And Darby is no where near that. Not even close. I think we have ~12 words, and only mom, dad, Cory & her aide could identify them.

I remember being overjoyed to find out I was pg w/twins. Now I wish they were separate pregnancies. I think only other moms of twins with w/significant SN can understand that.

[CaroFL]

I can really identify with what you are going through. I often feel the same way. Jackson is about a year delayed behind his twin sister Madison. Now she is seeing that he is slower than her. She puts her seatbelt on by herself in the car -- and is busy telling Jackson that she is a "big girl" because she can and he is a "baby" because he cant -- the same with shoes and socks. I help him with the belt now and make him snap it in and say "what a big boy" because he fumbles and says "he can't do it" -- it breaks my hearts. Lots of hugs to you, it is very difficult with twins functioning at different levels.
Carolyn

[MomNC]

Wow...I could have written your post. I look at Caeden and the wonderful little girl she is becoming. Her delays are more apparent when you spend alot of time with her, but on the surface, she is just a beautiful, happy girl.

And Nicholas....well, he is who he is.

But I think it is natural to have that built in comparison with twins. Not that it is right, but I think it is natural.

[JKX2]

I'm right there with you. I have always compared the two(even though I know I shouldn't). The good thing was that I was able to see DS had problems pretty early so I could get him help. I see my dd do things without any effort. DS (who is autistic) tries to do them and it is so hard for him. It's so sad. I comfort myself in the fact that I know because of their twin bond/sibling bond, she will always take care of him. She is very nurturing and I am proud of her for that. The thing that made me the saddest was hearing that DS expressive speech was at the level of his 8 month old sister's. He's 20 months older. That was really hard.

[MomNC]

I comfort myself in the fact that I know because of their twin bond/sibling bond, she will always take care of him.

Caeden looked at me the other day and said "Mommy, Nicholas doesn't talk." And he doesn't. Nothing. Not even DaDa. But she picked up on it. And she is big to tell me "Mommy, Nicholas is crying again."

But she is his twin sister.....and she will take care of him....as she always has. Not that it is her responsibility...but she just does it.