An interesting article about being a rainbow child

[hedgehog]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1241...html#printMode

So I was just browsing stuff and came across this link. Interesting prospective... It is something that I have thought about. It is interesting that the writer says “We were, my parents determined, going to have normal childhoods”. This is something DH and I talked about, pretty much word for word. We want our kids to know about K, and he is part of our lives, but we don’t want them to be defined by our pain. DS went through quite a preiod of "dealing" with the acute pain (his, not ours), he has understood a lot of things since then, has matured and I think the fact that he has a brother is "part of life" for him. It is harder with DD, since she will never know us as we were before. Do you think that we do (but that we mean all of us) inadvertently settle our rainbows with this “unspoken role”? I actually remember DH and I talking when we found out that we were pg with Abi. He said that he hoped that she’d bring a little bit of joy back to our lives. And she did… and so did my oldest.

Anyways, just wanted to share this article. Very well written, very thought provoking (at least for me)

[BC-TessToo]

Brilliant essay! I sure hope he got into the school he wanted!

But I am not so sure about some of the things he wrote...I guess his family handled it differently than we do. Dh and I don't keep our pain only briefly visible. Nor do we not talk about Jillian. It is all out there, in the open, part of every day. The pain, the happiness, all the feelings that come with her life, and her loss. I wouldn't say that we're a family of tragedy...just a family. One of our members isn't here on earth, but that makes her no less a part of the family.

My heart breaks for this writer that he didn't know anything about his older brother until he was an adult. It was like that for me with my younger brother and it is such a loss to know that so many years something was missing and no one even bothered to tell me.

I can sort of see what he's saying about feeling like he had a role in the family. Sometimes I guess that is what our rainbow babies do...prove that life goes on and that happiness is possible. But that's certainly not a mantle I'd put on my son. He doesn't have to do anything to fulfill that role. Just by breathing on the day he was born...he brought so much healing to my heart.

I'm not so sure this writer's big brother influenced him so much as he thinks. I think maybe he just is the person that he is. The way that he has integrated his personal and professional lives, including even this college essay...I think it is just maybe who he is.

I agree, though, a very interesting and thought-provoking read. I'm curious to see how my sons will handle similar situations when they are old enough.

[3 ladybugs]

Well said Tess too.

I know we don't hide our lost children from Max. I know that their loss has effected the way I parent Max but I hope that most of the differance is in a good way.

[AnnMarie]

From a different perspective....I want a rainbow baby more than anything. I loved how it said "to reclaim their right to happiness (or something like that). It might be unfair but I can't help want just a little bit of joy put back.

[TriciaJ]

Beautiful essay, although we too are pretty open about what has happened with Ryan & Joshua, I hope the kids can always ask us if they have unanswered questions.

I have to admit that Nathan did help me reclaim my right to happiness and my right to have a happy ending. Without him I am sure we would still be "happy" but not as complete (we'll never be 100% but you know what I'm trying to say)

XOXO
Tricia