anyone have this issue with adopting second child

[BC-Alexandra]

Mariam getting along very well with her new siblings. and loves them very much. She came home from the people who she stayed with very whiny. but now we realize she is jealous. My DH and I did discuss jealousy before we left and to give Mariam extra attention but I feel she is getting alot of attention from everbody. she is still the youngest. (we adopted out of birth order). when my DH is playing with the kids at night the things he used to do to her he is doing to James and he does not like that. she will not obey me over the simplest things. any suggestions to help her thru this period.

[Feliz]

I don't have (unfortunaly) any exp. with second adoptions, but since Mariam and Camila are exactly the same age I can tell you that some of it is age-related and (hopefully) just a phase. Five year old girls whine a lot and we work a lot on using our normal voice and not whining here, defiance is also a problem here since at this age they are exerting their independence too....I use a lot of positive attention with my dd....praising her when she behaves well and ignoring the whining....I usually smile and say...oh I am sorry I just don't understand you when you speak like that.....I would praise Mariam a lot whenever she helps out with her sibs (being that she is the one who knows the household routines) and making her feel like a big kid......hugs to you all.


Claud

[Lynda-PA]

I don't know your circumstances, but did/does she maybe have any attachment issues? Perhaps is insecure in her attachment with you? I never thought my youngest had an attachment problem, but have more recently recognized that she is likely insecure or anxious in her attachment. This is not an area where I am an expert by any means, but just wanted to respond because looking at behaviours from a different perspective has been HUGE for us. Our second is also almost 5, came home at 10 months. Had definite post traumatic stress disorder but we never got the right professionals to help us figure that out until early this year. The book The Connected Child has been a God send for both my dh and me. Our dd can act very jealous of her older sister and also of friends if I give her friends too much attention - I know, that sounds TOTALLY age appropriate - it's just the context and how she responds especially to me in these instances. My responses for her have to be very different to turn her behaviour around.

Hoping it's simpler than our situation!
All the Best,
Lynda