been m.i.a/update on my dad (caution venting)

[poet]

hey friends,

first i am sorry for my lack of participation & support to those on this board. i have been immersed in my own "stuff" & haven't had alot of extra time or energy. following my dad's hospitalization & rehab (early august-end of sept), he came home & i became his full time caregiver. he was getting around with the aid of a walker, somewhat independently until he fell & broke his ankle two weeks ago. my brother & i arranged our schedules so that he had someone with him 24/7 as he is unable to get up on his own to use the bathroom, get meals, etc... we made the difficult decision to put him back into a rehab facility so that he can have round the clock care & get the physical therapy he needs to regain his strength. we dropped him off today & it was awful. there are many patients there who have various degrees of rehab needs as well as those with emotional difficulties, etc... it is basically a nursing home with a rehab unit. he is agitated, depressed & can only see the negative aspects. i am suffering from "daughter guilt" feeling like i should have just kept him home & made the best of it. i literally was not able to leave the house unless my brother could get out of work to watch my dad, so of course having him there helps me to regain my life somewhat, but i know he needs to have the intensive therapy they can provide, that i can't. the rehab is literally three minutes away from my home, so i will be visiting him at least 2-3 times a day, but he told me he will lose his mind if i leave him there. he just called to complain about the dinner, about not getting taken to the bathroom quickly enough & about having to wait for his meds. when he was here, we responded to his needs immediately. i dropped whatever i was doing, cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, helping with homework, whatever, to attend to him. now he has to wait & he is not happy at all. i feel like the worst daughter in the world. anyway, that's my story. i hope everyone is in a good place these days, emotionally, physically, spiritually. thinking of yu all & thanking yu for letting me vent.

poet

[MarieL]

I think it was a good idea to put him back in the nursing home. Gosh, you are only human...you have your own family to take care of and you can burn out quickly doing that and taking care of someone who needs such care all the time. Don't feel guilty...it's necessary to keep your sanity.

[MarinaTwinMom]

Years ago, my Mom and I faced a similar situation with Dad after his hip surgery. He had to go into a nursing home for rehab before he could come home, and it was awful. He was very upset and blamed us. Eventually, he came to understand that there was no way we could have cared for him at the time, and there was no way he could have had the rehab he needed at home.

You are *not* a bad daughter for getting your dad the care he needs, and for taking care of yourself and your family, too. Right now, he needs to be there.

Sending good thoughts your way and your dad's way, too. I hope he's doing better soon.

[peako]

Hugs, you made a difficult decision, you aren't a bad daughter.

Since your dad is so close will they allow you to pick him up and bring him to your house for visits?

[Polly wog]

Originally Posted by mariel

i think it was a good idea to put him back in the nursing home. Gosh, you are only human...you have your own family to take care of and you can burn out quickly doing that and taking care of someone who needs such care all the time. Don't feel guilty...it's necessary to keep your sanity.

ita

[BC-3boys2luv]

You are a GREAT daughter. If he was still at home his recovery would take much longer and he'd come to resent being dependent on you and your brother for everything while not getting better fast enough. You did make the right choice and he's very lucky that he's so close and can visit quite often.

[BC-NanceLee]

Oh honey, how awful for you. But listen to the ladies - you are doing the right thing for HIM, not just for you.

((hugs)) Please never feel bad for lack of participation here. We all do what we can, when we can, and definitely understand the same is true for everyone.

NL

[Lois]

You are NOT a bad daughter....you did the right thing...for you AND your dad....he doesn't see that now, but hopefully down the road he will. I hope that after he adjusts to the new routine, things improve. Take him some of his favorite foods when you visit. Before my mom died, she had a series of setbacks.....first she fell and broke her pelvis....she came home after that, my dad hired a caregiver privately M-F and got to work a little late and came home a little early EVERY day for like 2 months....within days of having let the caregiver go and her being on her own, she fell and broke her hip....nursing home after that.

[Adrienne]

You really didn't have any other options. this is where he needs to be right now and he will adjust.

[Adrienne]

You really didn't have any other options. this is where he needs to be right now and he will adjust.